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Friday, June 4, 2021

Ring Fit Adventure Fitness Log Week 42: Counterfeit Fitness Machine

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Counterfeit is counter to being fit.

This week is a relatively special one in KoopaTV Fitness Friday history. Yeah, the series is about having a healthy lifestyle through playing Ring Fit Adventure, and it's also about being ready for the Tokyo 2021 Olympic Games because I'm competing for Team Koopa, Koopa Kingdom's delegation. Let's talk about that in some more detail than usual before the Ring Fit Adventure gameplay logging in this article.

Being ready for the Olympics isn't just having a general sense of physical fitness—Japan is ravaged by the Chinese Communist Party Virus (CCP Virus, sometimes known as COVID-19) right now, and lots of places are shut down or are at very limited capacity. The official policy of the International Olympic Committee (IOC) is that participants won't face a vaccination mandate, while the actual people of Japan are livid that the games will go on this year—as opposed to being delayed/cancelled like last year. ...The actual rate of vaccination among the Japanese is quite low. The Japanese are even more vaccine-hesitant than the Americans!

Even though the IOC isn't mandating a vaccine, they're heavily encouraging it, and vaccine manufacturer Pfizer (and BioNTech) have donated their coronavirus vaccine to all the Olympic delegations, including to Koopa Kingdom. Koopa Kingdom lacks a CCP Virus vaccination program, for the obvious reason that the virus afflicts Earth and not our world. The first thought would be to say screw the vaccine. There's no evidence that the virus is transferable to Koopas (though it is transferable to non-humans such as cats and dogs), and no evidence (or trials) the vaccine works on Koopas. (Which is why Russia is making and using animal-specific vaccines now.)

Still, the last time we were training for an Olympics in 2016, Team Koopa got the Zika Virus in Rio de Janeiro. That was not an enjoyable experience. I don't know why we keep dealing with these human viruses during Olympic times. On King Bowser Koopa's orders, I took the first dose of the donated Pfizer vaccine on Sunday. The medical administrator advised that I drink a lot of water and move my affected (left) arm a lot—and drinking water and arm movement is what Ring Fit Adventure is all about, so let's start!


We ended last week's World 41 with a cliffhanger: What would happen if I finished that world wearing the Fitness Machine? You see, this week we're in World 42: Extra Fitness Lv. 257, which returns us to the Robot Kingdom (based off World 19: Getting Rusty; World 19 conclusion here), where the inhabitants are robots that communicate in Binarese, not English. The purpose of the Fitness Machine is that it allows one to understand Binarese as if it were English.

Except when we get there, the robots are speaking our common language, and not Binarese, which Ring was somehow able to figure out. So... Ring Fit Adventure is clearly assuming I'm NOT wearing the Fitness Machine when I entered World 42, which is deeply disappointing and a lack of attention to detail. Here's how the intro went down:




With that disappointment in mind, I went to the first level, Ohohwan River. In a level design choice that surprises no one, there's a couple of river rowing segments in the level, along with a Treasure Chest with one Dragon Fruit. Both segments got Ring to scream while falling down a waterfall, so that's nice. If you're into that. Anyway, the level after is Wanoh Hills. All I can really say about it is that it's a nice place to find Black Tea Leaves. ...Y'know, despite only clearing two (relatively short) levels, I feel a lot hotter and sweatier than I'd normally be feeling. Is that the vaccine's doing? ...Or is my body tricking me into fearing the vaccine? (So it's like a reverse-placebo effect where I'm feeling negative side-effects because of my body's psychology as opposed to any actual negative effect?)

Let's keep on going for now. I made a brief detour from the world path to pick up an overworld Treasure Chest, containing a Deep Yellow Smoothie that I'm not sure will be useful. Behind that is the Smack Back (Advanced) Game Gym, offering one Rose Quartz as an incentive to complete it. (I still need three Garnet...) That whole minigame is doing twists with your upper body, so it's definitely testing out how well my arm works after it got jabbed. ...Pretty well, I think?

Afterwards we went inside General Store Number 38 in Town, where they're selling the Fitness Machine II (requires one Rose Quartz) and the Battle Machine II (requires FOUR Rose Quartz). Interestingly and tellingly, the Fitness Machine II does NOT have a set bonus of understanding the robot language, unlike the original, which pretty much makes this a counterfeit item. However, the Battle Machine II does have a very useful set bonus of increasing EXP gain by 5%, which means it's the real deal. Unfortunately, I only have three Rose Quartz coming into this, so I'm one short of buying out the Battle Machine II. And that sucks because the very next course is a five-round Battle Gym, and being able to get 5% extra experience points from that would've been very numerically beneficial! That said, I'm level 301 now, so I'm still way higher-leveled than I ought to be.


Ring Fit Adventure Fitness Machine II set bonus makes it possible to understand the robot language clothing outfit costume
Left: Fitness Machine, with the Set Bonus that makes it possible to understand the robot language.
Right: Fitness Machine II, with no Set Bonus. COUNTERFEIT. Honey is a scam artist!


Despite feeling physically less than ideal, I went to the Ohwanoh Factory after the Battle Gym. I was hoping the enemies would drop the stones I need if I fought them, but... no. There's nothing notable that happened. I... could keep going, but I probably shouldn't. ...So I'm done for the day, 33% through World 42.

I'm trying to play more on Monday, despite my left arm feeling sore whenever I try to lift it up (problematic given that World 42 is focused on arms) and I feel chilly and my nose is sniffly. The first order of business is the Gold Hoplin overworld fight—which spawns FIVE Gold Hoplin at once. That means with some Black Tea (to double money gain) and a Chia-Seed Smoothie (to attack twice consecutively), one can rather effortlessly get 5000 coins from this with two five-range Fit Skills, which is much-needed currency.

Behind the Gold Hoplins is this world's Upper Arms Set Fitness Gym, which will put my Pfizer vaccine fatigue to its physical limits—with an added useless Defense Drink to sweeten the deal:

  1. Back Press (x30)—I had no problems going through the 30 repetitions here. It helps that it's not targeting the sore spot of my arm.
  2. Tricep Kickback (x40)—The first 20 reps weren't comfortable, since that involves having your right leg forward and stretching your left arm (holding the Ring-Con) backwards and away... and that's where the injection was. When the sides were swapped in the latter 20 reps, that was fine.
  3. Overhead Arm Spin (x60)—You get to raise both of your arms straight up and have a straight spine. You may choose with hand holds the Ring-Con and then twist your arms 60 times. Obviously, I'm holding the Ring-Con in my right claw because it's easier when my left one doesn't have to support the Ring-Con's weight!
  4. Overhead Press (x30)—It's hard to hold the Ring-Con horizontally above one's head and push it from both sides when one of your arms is significantly weaker than the other. It can be done, of course. Just with some breaks in-between reps.
  5. Bow Pull (x40)—Unlike some other sets where the last exercise is a relaxing breather, Bow Pull is the most difficult Fit Skill—by far—of the Upper Arms Set. It's even worse when your arm is sore. For the first twenty reps, your left arm is in front of the Ring-Con and pulling away from your body while your right arm is on the back side pulling towards your body. For the second twenty, it's the right arm doing most of the work—so I found that second half easier. I found it incredibly difficult to get 100 points per rep... so I mostly got anywhere from 77 to 95 or so.


Despite the Bow Pull dragging me down, I still got an A rank on the Fitness Gym (an average of 97 points). I should note that the counterfeit Fitness Machine outfit is named after the Fitness Gyms.

The next level—Heave-Ho Checkpoint—is a miniboss fight, guarded by a robot commissioned by Dragaux specifically to scan me and say that I need to defeat the miniboss... chosen by him. And it's the Garnet Scuttleknell joined by a Garnet Megaphauna+ and a Dark Megaphauna+. Originally in World 19, I didn't really describe this fight at all or give any pictures, so I guess I'm obligated to be more descriptive the second time around.

Well, after two attacks, I got the Garnet Scuttleknell to under half of its health bar (so it's a very quick fight) and it did its super attack of making debris fall from the ceiling, which is easily air blastable. It's basically a joke attack.

Trying to KO the Megaphauna+s, unless you can KO them on the same turn, isn't a great idea because they can summon back-up Megaphauna+s... AKA revive the fallen one at full health. While Megaphauna+s left to themselves can significantly increase the Garnet Scuttleknell's attack and/or defense stats, it's best to just KO the miniboss as soon as possible... because it can actually do a bunch of damage to you. And unlike regular Scuttlebells that can only hit you once every other turn, the Garnet Scuttleknell can not only do that, but also hit you with a regular hit once a turn as well. (And if it enters its charge-up attack position, doing its super attack doesn't cancel its charge.)


Ring Fit Adventure Garnet Scuttleknell attack ab guard
This guy can do serious damage with the Megaphauna+ attack boosts.


There wasn't any dialogue after the miniboss fight, so that just means it's time to go to the second half of World 42 with zero fanfare. The miniboss did drop a Rose Quartz, however, meaning I can buy the entire Battle Machine II set and go back to having 5% extra experience points for doing anything in this game, which is one reason I'm so overleveled to begin with. The next course is Ohoh Valley. The second enemy fight dropped a Rose Quartz (generic enemies sometimes DO drop stones! Just not Garnet...), meaning that I also now have enough Rose Quartz to buy the counterfeit Fitness Machine II. ...Great.

After Ohoh Valley is a fork with the next course, and an overworld Treasure Chest. Inside the treasure is one Strength Drink, and behind that is the Thigh Rider (Advanced) Game Gym with 475 coins for an A rank. I had zero problems getting an S rank, since it doesn't use your arms really at all! To end the day, I went back to the fork and straight through the Ohwanwan Route. No further comment here!


Ring Fit Adventure World 42 overworld map part two second half
Here is the map! Where do you wish to go?
(Photo taken when I was on the Thigh Rider Game Gym after opening the Treasure Chest.)


While I didn't play Ring Fit Adventure on Tuesday, I will report that my arm no longer feels sore. But I am sneezing a lot for no apparent reason.

Fortunately, by Wednesday, I actually feel pretty good. The only part of me that's less than 100% is my left hip, and that's due to sitting with poor posture throughout most of the day. But I gotta overcome that for the first challenge of the day: World 42's SECOND five-wave Battle Gym. I'm appropriately wearing the Battle Machine II, which I couldn't afford back in the first Battle Gym of the world, but I can now! (The Battle Machine is coloured gold because the robots that man the Battle Gym are gold-coloured.) The first round is, frighteningly enough, an Ochre Scuttlebell and a Malachite Scuttlebell. Unlike Scuttleknell the miniboss, these must charge up their attacks for a turn before smashing into you (by raising their arms), but with two at once and them being beefy, I can't KO them in two turns. ...However, unlike the miniboss version, these guys put together still can't even knock off one quarter of one heart. SAD!

Ring Fit Adventure Battle Gym World 42 Ochre Malachite Scuttlebell charge attack arm raise
Top: The Scuttlebell arms-raised pose.
Bottom: The Scuttlebell normal pose after doing their arms-raised charged attack. Didn't make an impact on my HP though.


Doing the Knee-to-Chest Fit Skill got me to actually feel my weakened left hip be stretched, which sort of felt nice. They called it the Inner Hip Flexors. To clarify, feeling nice didn't eliminate my pain or weakness. Anyway, after beating the Battle Gym (and being upset at both the enemies not dropping anything, as well as the Battle Gym not giving me any prize), I went to Wanohwanoh Way... but when I got there, Dragaux surprised me with a SURPRISE MUSCLE INSPECTION, daring me to not drink any smoothies as I progress through the level. He referenced how the robots in this kingdom run off of smoothies, but I should be fine not drinking any. And I WAS fine not drinking any, despite Ring claiming drinking smoothies would make the course so much easier (it's easy as it is). The only problem is that when I was trying to do a Tricep Kickback Lv.3, my left arm suddenly hurt a lot lifting the Ring-Con up, while my right arm was fine. Could it be that I'm NOT actually healed from the vaccine side-effects yet?

Ring Fit Adventure Dragaux make it to Stadium without complaining World 42
Dragaux challenges me to get to Dragaux Stadium without complaining.
I think he said that knowing the worst game design in all of Ring Fit Adventure is next...


The Treasure Chest in the overworld next to the Wanohwanoh Way contained one Rose Quartz, and behind it is the Dreadmill (Novice) Game Gym offering a Defense Drink for completion. ...It's Dreadmill in the FOG. Just because Dragaux just said not to complain on the way to Dragaux Stadium doesn't mean I shouldn't complain if I'm encountering bad game design. Dreadmill is already a bad minigame because running in place at different speeds doesn't align with any fitness training principle—and adding fog that just makes it harder to see doesn't increase the fitness benefit, either.

Ring Fit Adventure Dreadmill Novice Game Gym fog mist
Can you tell where the tokens are in this screenshot?
Yes, I had the same complaint and screenshot in Week 19's Fitness Log. It's still valid.


You gotta understand—you have to run in one of four lanes to collect tokens (get points) and avoid bombs (bombs subtract points), and you need a certain number of points to pass the Game Gym. On my first try here, I got a B rank, and you need an A rank. The tokens don't make a sound before you collect them—the only indicator they are approaching is you being able to see them, except the fog is very thick, so you can't see anything until it's too late to run to the correct lane. ...It's even possible you won't notice them pass at all. And sometimes you need to jump because the tokens are floating in the air instead of going through the ground. Awful, awful, awful. Fortunately, I passed on my second try, and moved onto the penultimate course of World 42: Ohohoh Tower. This is also foggy, but that's okay. You're mostly Overhead Ring Pulling on pulleys into the fog, so it's not like you need to know where you're going. Just wherever the linear level design takes ya. No complaints there, and now we're at Dragaux Stadium. ...For another day.

On Friday, Dragaux wasn't alone. A robot was there trying to teach Dragaux Binarese, but Dragaux was visibly struggling. Rather than train his “language muscles,” he opted to get into a fight with me. Most of the level involved being on a Back Press-powered railcart, going through caves and waterfall-adjacent areas and picking up coins along the way. When we got to Dragaux, he said his arms are huge, like mountains, and he can imagine little mountain climbers going up his arms. ...And he thinks my arms should be like that, too.

Ring Fit Adventure Dragaux imagines tiny climbers trying to work up arm mountain summit
...Want to dissect this weird Dragaux line in the comments section together?
Alternatively, Dragaux is covered in lice or something and it's not his imagination.


Dragaux transformed into Red Dragaux for this fight, giving him two health bars but a weakness to Arms Fit Skills. He's also joined by a Garnet Matta Ray+, a Dark Megaphauna+, a Garnet Megaphauna+, and a Dark Matta Ray+. Unlike, say, this world's miniboss, you do want to knock out the minions as soon as possible. They'll heal Dragaux and increase his attack and defense. Dragaux can also flash his eyes and lower your own defense stat, which makes his punches do more damage than I'd expect!

Ring Fit Adventure Red Dragaux boss World 42 Mountain Climber red
In honour of what Dragaux just said, I used the Mountain Climber Fit Skill.
(But I changed it from a Legs-type Fit Skill to an Arms-type Fit Skill with a smoothie both to fit his narrative and to hit the enemies super-effectively.)


Despite the stat buffs, I knocked out Dragaux's minions and eliminated his first health bar, which pissed him off and he summoned a massive red energy arm to punch me with. I sustained an Overhead Press for 60 seconds, which summoned my own giant red energy fist that parried Dragaux's and countered him, dealing about 40% of his remaining health bar in damage.

Now my arms hurt, but at least that's from hard exercise and not because someone jabbed my arm with a mysterious unproven substance! After his defeat, Dragaux remarked that arms have it easy; legs support your weight for most of the day, while arms have to be actively used. He wants me to live my life in a way where my arms feel like my legs. ...He then flew off, obviously never intending to keep learning Binarese or have his philosophical statements make sense. I wonder if the robots charged Dragaux the money that Honey charged the robots to learn English from her... Well, he won't be paying anymore.

Ring Fit Adventure World Week 42 Exercise Log Extra Fitness Lv. 257
Look at all of those lost calories, gosh. I wonder what World 43 will be like.



Ludwig is really proud of the pun in the article title. If you enjoy good puns backed by an enjoyable writing style on gaming-related topics, please consider reading KoopaTV's non-Ring Fit Adventure content as well. KoopaTV publishes five times a week. Along with the intrinsic pleasure of the KoopaTV experience, there is also an extrinsic rewards program for your active participation where you can win a gift card every two months.


Here is what World 43 was like.
When Ludwig got his second vaccine shot a week later, he couldn't even play Ring Fit Adventure that week.

9 comments :

  1. Replies
    1. If you mean Fit Skills, I have all of them, so in terms of damage-physical investment/time ratio, Overhead Arm Twist.

      If you mean my personal skills, my ability to learn new things very quickly and synthesise pieces of information creatively.

      Delete
  2. After finishing Extra Fitness mode, you unlock Master Mode, which is the exact same thing as Extra Fitness, except for the quotes. The good thing is that you unlock Level 4 Fit Skills, which do 1000 damage for 1 Range, 745 damage for 3 Range, and 655 damage for 5 Range. Hopefully you don't have to pick any type of Squats.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't spoil. >:(
      (Even if it's quite obvious from the clothing catalogue that there's a third mode.)

      That said, if the game's dialogue is different in the mode after Extra Fitness, then I guess I gotta cover it on the website for completion?

      Delete
  3. CAPTAIN STITCH

    Battle gym, reminds me of Pokémon go. Man what a time to be alive. It wasn’t my favorite thing, but you can’t deny it got everyone under the age of 50 to do something together.

    You publish five days a week? Well yeah I guess that’s about right. You should be publishing 24 times everyday, for every hour. Of course that’s just scraping by, a C minus if you will, you should really be publishing every minute!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Okay I finally fixed it, I was having some trouble signing into the right account

      Delete
    2. ...hmph.

      I dunno if there's enough... things to comment about in a day!

      Delete
    3. Luckily for you E3 is right around the corner, now we’ll have content galore! And hopefully a new kirby game too

      Delete
    4. Also this means I don't get to sleep, which... is a topic to be addressed in Week 43's Fitness Log.

      Delete

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