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Saturday, June 12, 2021

Ubisoft Forward at E3 2021 KoopaTV's Live Reactions

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's the very first E3 Weeks 2021 conference!

As promised in KoopaTV's E3 Weeks 2021 Schedule, KoopaTV is live-reacting to the Ubisoft Forward as the opening act of E3 2021.

Myself and Heavy Lobster are the only KoopaTV folks to bother showing up for Ubisoft. We have no actual hype going in for them. Did their conference have anything to change our mindset? Find out.

[2:51 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: THE FIRST SESSION OF E3 in just 9 minutes.
[2:52 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Before it starts, shout-out to the E3 Portal for being a disaster with constant "Service Not available - 503" errors and emergency maintenance.
[2:56 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: https://www.twitch.tv/e3/
Twitch is the official spot to watch E3; it's like 10 seconds ahead of YouTube.
[3:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Ooh, it's happening.
[3:01 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Featuring Neelam and Youssef?
[3:01 PM] HeavyLobster: French diversity.
[3:01 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They have burnt-in captions so they're at least not hiding it's pre-recorded.
[3:01 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Does this mean there won't be a dance segment?
[3:01 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...Or will there be an even bigger dance segment than usual?
[3:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six presents...
[3:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ..............
[3:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (Lots of gunfire but no title)
[3:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (freaky alien stuff getting pwned though)
[3:04 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Hibana morphed into some alien structure and her rescue is being assaulted by more freaky aliens that can swim in the ground.
[3:04 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Eek.
[3:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Well, that was a creepy movie.
[3:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (Unless this is supposed to be a game?)
[3:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Extraction" an Ubisoft original.
[3:06 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They got B-roll of Richard Stanford, community developer coming to us from North Carolina, climbing up some stairs at an Ubisoft office.
[3:06 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...But he's not actually in North Carolina, he's in Montreal.
[3:06 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...Or he's interviewing Alicia Fortier from Montreal.
[3:06 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (She has blue hair, but mine is better.)
[3:07 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (...I dunno why I feel like I gotta compare my hair with others'.)
[3:08 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Something about procedurally spawning tissue.
[3:08 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They censored the word "progress"?
[3:08 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: But there's captions on the screen so I don't get it.
[3:09 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Here is Rainbow Six Extraction." exclusive gameplay footage, as opposed to a movie.
[3:09 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: You're dropped into "alien territory", AKA "Alaska."
[3:10 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The aliens poof from existence when shot at.
[3:11 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: This "sprawl" that the aliens swam through is a black substance that has the same gameplay properties as Inkling ink in Splatoon.
[3:12 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I should be taking screenshots but it's, uh, too freaky.
[3:13 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're fighting an alien called a "spiker" that they want to get some... sample from.
[3:13 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Reminds me of the coronavirus spike protein.
[3:14 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Except person-sized and solvable by guns.
[3:14 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Now I'm wondering wot happens if you shoot the coronavirus.
[3:15 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I'm not sure if this is still gameplay footage.
[3:16 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...yeah it wasn't.
[3:16 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Well, we're a quarter through with one game down.
[3:16 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "If you think fighting aliens is tough, try learning guitar."
"Well that was some segue." I thought the same.
[3:17 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Some kind of music game called "Rocksmith" that you use a guitar with. A real guitar hooked up to your phone or something.
[3:18 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I forgot this is supposed to be a videogame trailer.
[3:19 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: It's sappy b-roll of human interaction.
[3:20 PM] HeavyLobster: Isn't that what Ubisoft is all about? That and shameless cashgrabs.
[3:20 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: It's actually called "Rocksmith+" and it's a "music learning subscription service" that the developer wishes he had when he was learning the guitar growing up.
[3:20 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I mean, I thought E3 would have games.
[3:21 PM] HeavyLobster: Ubisoft makes games? I thought they made French malware.
[3:21 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Electronic Entertainment Expo" but I guess learning can be entertaining I dunno.
[3:21 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: oof
[3:22 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Better than Wii Music I guess.
[3:22 PM] HeavyLobster: I liked Wii Music. It was so dumb it was kinda fun.
[3:23 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Alright I think we're getting into a game called "Riders Republic" that was beta'd last year.
[3:23 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...oh. No. IT'S A MASSIVELY MULTIPLAYER BICYCLIST GAME
[3:23 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: KILL
[3:23 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "You can meet bleep-minded bleep"
[3:23 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (like-minded riders)
[3:24 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Well this game has Fortnite's art style. <.<
[3:24 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And this guy is on a skateboard and not a bike so that's... better, slightly.
[3:24 PM] HeavyLobster: I hope Rayman doesn't get into Smash. Ubisoft doesn't deserve that honor, even if they play nice with Nintendo.
[3:25 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Rayman might not even get into Ubisoft's own presentation!
[3:26 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I thought he'd say "and the Republic will rise again!"

Riders Republic Landmark: Delicate Arch E3 2021 Ubisoft Forward
The sight-seeing part of this is actually the best part, I guess?


[3:26 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The stream is glitching out.
[3:27 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Or was.
[3:27 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Does this speak to you?" no
[3:28 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: But it apparently comes out September 2, 2021 if it does speak to YOU.
[3:29 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Ubisoft still wants you to play Rainbow Six Siege six years later.
[3:29 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Now featuring quality-of-life improvements.
[3:29 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...and a launch on Stadia.
[3:30 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're showing a bunch of pictures of the "community" that look like Antifa rioters.
[3:30 PM] HeavyLobster: That mention of recycling old games reminds me of just how crazy it is that Elder Scrolls 6 hasn't been released a full decade after Skyrim.
[3:31 PM] HeavyLobster: Even with all the delays those games go through I can't imagine going a full decade between mainline Zelda releases.
[3:32 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: That might change tomorrow!
[3:32 PM] HeavyLobster: You think TES6 will come out this year? I can't see it.
[3:32 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "New projects aren't the only thing to be excited about this year!" Cue montage of old projects.
[3:33 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I don't think anything; I just implied it's possible. :x
[3:33 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (This montage includes the four Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in Brawlhalla.)
[3:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: JUST DANCE TIME LET'S GOOO
[3:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: GIMME PRERECORDED DANCE SESSION
[3:35 PM] HeavyLobster: Inb4 Todd announces the 10-year anniversary Skyrim edition for PS5/XBX.
[3:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: lol
[3:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Or just XBX.
[3:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: eek
[3:36 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Some super gay guy is announcing his song about hips and nails is gonna be in Just Dance 2022.
[3:36 PM] HeavyLobster: Oh yeah, forgot about the buyout for a second.
[3:36 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (Named Todrick Hall)
[3:36 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He just did the black person finger snap SLAAAY thing.

Todrick Hall slay Just Dance 2022 Nails Hair Hips Heels Ubisoft Forward
......................


[3:37 PM] HeavyLobster: Resisting the urge to reference a certain scifi blaxploitation film containing a slur in the title.
[3:37 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...So are we getting the dance session?
[3:37 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...or are we just getting this?
[3:37 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...
[3:37 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Oof that's it.
[3:38 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Well, consider me dramatically disappointed.
[3:38 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Now they're thanking me for Assassin's Creed Valhalla being the biggest Assassin's Creed launch to date. (I had no involvement.)
[3:40 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (They are promising free updates as well as more game expansions featuring killing cults of children.)
[3:41 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: WHOA
[3:42 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "For the first time" in Assassin's Creed history, the game will be supported for more than one year.
[3:42 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: So this is more than just a mere annual release!
[3:42 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "we have news about the movies and TV series we've been working on" EXCUSE ME
[3:42 PM] HeavyLobster: Movies and TV shows.
[3:43 PM] HeavyLobster: I am so thankful I'm a Nintendo fan.
[3:44 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I mean, if Miyamoto's movie directing career actually ends up going anywhere, I'm pretty sure they'll show it at E3, too.
[3:45 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: E3 stream didn't do a censor bleep on the hinted f-word swear.
[3:45 PM] HeavyLobster: Normally they show that kind of thing separately, which is what they should be doing.
[3:46 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Alright this is gonna be a game right?
[3:46 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Ya, Far Cry.
[3:46 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...unless it's a non-game adaptation.
[3:46 PM] HeavyLobster: "No one has more memorable villains than Far Cry."
[3:46 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Marco's abuela is ugly.

Far Cry 6 Marco abuela family get on the boat E3 2021 Ubisoft Forward
Abuela is the old woman who looks sort of blonde that's to the left of Marco in the centre.


[3:46 PM] HeavyLobster: This is a personal attack against KoopaTV, right?
[3:46 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They didn't censor the written-out f-word.
[3:47 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Uh...
[3:47 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (They didn't censor the spoken-out f-word.)
[3:47 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I don't consider it an attack, just fake news.
[3:48 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ABUELA
[3:48 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ABUELA JUST GOT SHOT
[3:48 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: BECAUSE SHE WAS INTERRUPTING THE STORY ABOUT EL PRESIDENTE CATCHING A BIG JUICY MARLIN
[3:48 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ABUELAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
[3:50 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...oh well everyone just got shot.
[3:50 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Nevermind.
[3:50 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Antón Castillo is "grooming" his son Diego.
[3:51 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Talking about Far Cry villain tradition and "go further down the rabbit hole."
[3:52 PM] HeavyLobster: They really like the f-word in this showcase.
[3:52 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (I guess there's some kind of mode or DLC or thing where you play as the series villains.)
[3:53 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Season Pass" "also including..."
[3:53 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Far Cry 3 Blood Dragon"
[3:53 PM] HeavyLobster: Finally the leaked game.
[3:53 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Uh, alright, we're just gonna go to a next game.
[3:53 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Ew, plumber.
[3:53 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Ew, Rabbid.

Mario + Rabbids Sparks of Hope Peach Rabbid selfie spaceship
You know, abuela is actually really easy on the eyes...


[3:54 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Ew, Rabbided Luma.
[3:54 PM] HeavyLobster: Rabbid Luma is cursed.
[3:54 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Apparently literally.

Mario + Rabbids Sparks of Hope Spark Luma Rabbid red fist
That fist doesn't look friendly, but I can't blame it for wanting to punch out a Rabbid.


[3:55 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Emo Rosalina Rabbid.
[3:55 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Yeah, I'd probably be having an all-caps reaction right now if Nintendo didn't leak the game this morning.
[3:56 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Sparks of Hope"
[3:57 PM] HeavyLobster: The game leaked before that. This morning was a double leak.
[3:58 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Sparks"
[3:58 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The Sparks in "Sparks of Hopes" are the name of the race of Rabbid Lumas.
[3:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "big ambitions" I dunno this makes me feel uncomfortable.
[3:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "exclusively on the Nintendo Switch" well I'd hope so.
[3:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: PRE-ALPHA FOOTAGE GAMEPLAY SNEAK PEEK
[3:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I dunno showing pre-alpha footage as our first impression seems like a bad idea.
[4:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Though not much "gameplay" involved here. Just walking.
[4:01 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Whenever I look at a Rabbid I think of Down Syndrome.
[4:01 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "2022"
[4:01 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "So we're not done yet." Dude you said this'd be an hour long.
[4:02 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Yves Guillemot breaking the scheduled missed time boundary (in a pre-recorded session).
[4:02 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "This is one of the real powers of video games" so wot was the TV and movie part for?
[4:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Guillemot referencing how Nintendo trusts Ubisoft with Nintendo IP.
[4:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He's really proud of that.
[4:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "one more exciting thing"
[4:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: uh oh
[4:03 PM] HeavyLobster: Never trust the French.
[4:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: It's not Rayman in Smash is it?
[4:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...no.
[4:04 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: It's a dangerous jungle.
[4:04 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (powered by Ubisoft Snowdrop)
[4:04 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: A dangerous prehistoric dinosaur-y jungle.
[4:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: With helicopters and guns, but I get the feeling those don't naturally belong there.
[4:05 PM] HeavyLobster: Ew
[4:06 PM] HeavyLobster: Blue Pocahontas Avatar.
[4:06 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: AVATAR FRONTIERS OF PANDORA 2022 for PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S|X, PC, Luna, Stadia.
[4:08 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "teamed up with our favorite man in overalls" EXCUSE ME.
[4:08 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Alright they're gone.
[4:08 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Now they're doing a post-show that we definitely are not watching.
[4:10 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And we're gone, too, I guess. Nothing to really say. "Never trust the French." isn't a bad message, though.



Coming up very soon is KoopaTV's live reaction to whatever Devolver Digital will be showing! Let KoopaTV know in the comments section what you think about what Ubisoft had to show. ...If you thought anything besides apathy. Ludwig would rather look at the Peach Rabbid than Todrick Hall.


The last time KoopaTV had a reaction log to an Ubisoft presentation, it was E3 2018. Miyamoto was there.
The next log is Devolver Digital's. It beat Ubisoft's in interest.

6 comments :

  1. Me: (sees Rabbid Rosalina)
    Me: KILL IT WITH FIRE KILLITKILLITKILLIIIIIIIIIT!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. how many times do i have to say it.
    RABBID ROSALINA IS CALLED RABBSOLINA, I KNOW THEY NEVER SAY THAT BUT THAT'S WHAT I WANT PEOPLE TO CALL HER

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...If I ever have to refer to it ever again, I'll consider it...

      Delete

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