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Sunday, June 13, 2021

Square Enix Presents at E3 2021 KoopaTV's Live Reactions

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Great if you're a mobile gamer!

You may think that E3 2021 hasn't been all that so far—based on the presentations KoopaTV has live-reacted to that you can consult our E3 Weeks 2021 Schedule to read up on. But Square Enix can be a really good company with interesting presentations...if the right part of Square Enix shows up. ...But was it good and did that part show up? Myself and Heavy Lobster watch and find out.

[3:09 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: https://www.twitch.tv/e3

Square Enix coming in a few minutes!
[3:11 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're showing a "Square Enix memories" advertisement before it begins with some drag queen right at the front.
[3:11 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Talking about Kingdom Hearts.
[3:12 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: That's a good reason not to watch the stream before it actually begins...
[3:12 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (That's a slight on the drag queen not on Kingdom Hearts.)
[3:12 PM] HeavyLobster: Square Enix is sometimes really good.
[3:14 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I don't care about any of Square Enx's Western contributions to the industry. So I'm hoping that some of the Japanese stuff actually shows up!
[3:14 PM] HeavyLobster: And sometimes they make Life is Strange.
[3:15 PM] HeavyLobster: I legitimately cannot understand how someone could seriously like Life is Strange.
[3:16 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Noting that the E3 commentators (the same freaks who were crawling on the floor before Microsoft's) are telling people to use #E32021 on social media but not promoting the E3 fan portal. Ha. But they're setting expectations low.
[3:17 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And it's beginning now.
[3:17 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Good afternoon."
[3:18 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Eidos is actually pronounced "Eye-doss".
[3:18 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I thought it was "Eye-dose" whoops.
[3:19 PM] HeavyLobster: Ew capeshit. Give me my weebshit instead.
[3:19 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: So it's opening with Avengers, which is clearly not a Japanese stuff. But maybe it's good to get this out of the way first.
[3:20 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Specifically "Guardians of the Galaxy" available October 2021.
[3:22 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: If they're going over their discussion with Marvel and how they came up with the Guardians of the Galaxy series in the comics to begin with, does it count as a game-focused presentation?
[3:24 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They keep enforcing the theme of being a misfit.
[3:24 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Okay I think they're done showing that.
[3:25 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...nevermind.
[3:25 PM] HeavyLobster: Way too much capeshit.
[3:25 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: There's gameplay with real-time dialogue selection.
[3:26 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: This has the same vibe as watching those official E3 2021 commentators.
[3:26 PM] HeavyLobster: UVA managed to not blow the game so they play Game 3 tomorrow.
[3:28 PM] HeavyLobster: Squeenix conference is a trainwreck so far. Makes me appreciate Microsoft.
[3:28 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I finished eating my salad and now I gotta focus on this gameplay, which is a walking simulator through a thunder storm.
[3:28 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: With the characters complaining about said thunder storm.
[3:28 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: You'd think that the Guardians of the Galaxy could afford an umbrella.
[3:29 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Some kind of blobby thing rolled down.

Guardians of the Galaxy amorphous blob enemy Square Enix Presents E3 2021
Are these real enemy designs?


[3:29 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Apparently it's an enemy.
[3:29 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I can't tell if this is an actual enemy of some kind of beta placeholder.
[3:30 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: *or
[3:31 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Now they got more amorphous blobs.
[3:31 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And freaky four-legged beasts.
[3:31 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And game slowdown.
[3:31 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Which is either a special effect or significantly dropping frame rate.
[3:32 PM] HeavyLobster: I remember when people on Twitter were complaining about 10-minute-long JRPG showcases.
[3:32 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Yeah they were and always will be wrong.
[3:32 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Oh hey the guy got experience points.
[3:32 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: GUESS IT'S AN RPG
[3:33 PM] HeavyLobster: It is a Square Enix game.
[3:34 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Okay it's done.
[3:34 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I think.
[3:34 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...nope.
[3:34 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Just transitioning to another scene.
[3:34 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Or a montage.
[3:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Into a cutscene with a villain.
[3:35 PM] HeavyLobster: Inb4 the whole showcase is half this and half Life is Strange.
[3:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Into a boss fight?
[3:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "YOU GOT THIS. PROBABLY."
[3:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Okay it's telling us to pre-order now.
[3:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: So it HAS to be over now.
[3:35 PM] HeavyLobster: That would make the Ubisoft show look like a masterpiece.
[3:36 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Now we're going to revisit two iconic brands"
[3:36 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: FINAL FANTASY
[3:36 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: YOOO
[3:36 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: WE GOT JRPGS
[3:36 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: WE GOT JRPGS
[3:36 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: 2D pixel remaster...
[3:36 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Of six masterpieces.
[3:36 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The first six Final Fantasy games... coming soon for Steam/Mobile.
[3:36 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...might not be a good sign actually.
[3:37 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Now Legend of Mana something.
[3:37 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Available June 24 on Switch, PS4, and Steam.
[3:37 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Oh no.
[3:37 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: MARVEL'S AVENGERS
[3:37 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: NOOOOOOOOOO
[3:37 PM] HeavyLobster: Game Over. Return of Capeshit.
[3:38 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: [insert Ganon laugh]
[3:39 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Okay Marvel over.
[3:39 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...I think.
[3:39 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...no.
[3:39 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: There's a Black Panther.
[3:39 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...I should be quiet during this part or something bad might happen.

Marvel Avengers Black Panther War for Wakanda Expansion Square Enix Presents E3 2021
...


[3:40 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...
[3:41 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Now we'll get a "mobile players" update.
[3:41 PM] HeavyLobster: Mobile players
[3:41 PM] HeavyLobster: Yeah this is officially a trainwreck.
[3:42 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: There's a JRPG! ...on mobile.
[3:42 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: OH
[3:42 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: HEY
[3:42 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: FINAL FANTASY VII
[3:42 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The First Soldier
[3:43 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...for mobile.
[3:43 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The team at Platinum Games showing Babylon's Fall.
[3:44 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I'm trying not to be cynical because I'd probably think this'd be cool if I wasn't grumpy from the conference up 'til this point.
[3:46 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: For PS4, Steam, and PlayStation 5. ...And now there's a developer interview.
[3:46 PM] HeavyLobster: Yeah. This is at least something.
[3:47 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The caption said "anithing" but I missed the screenshot.
[3:48 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They want you to participate in a closed beta.
[3:48 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Eek Life is Strange.
[3:48 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: With a remastered collection.
[3:48 PM] HeavyLobster: Psychic powers of empathy.
[3:49 PM] HeavyLobster: They turned a pile of garbage into a slightly shinier pile of garbage.
[3:50 PM] HeavyLobster: At least this shitshow is good for memes.
[3:50 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Remastered collection available September 30 if you want it.
[3:50 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: But there's also Life is Strange: True Colors.
[3:50 PM] HeavyLobster: "Kill Chloe" is always the correct choice.
[3:50 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Love and care to remastering"
[3:50 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: With improved lip synching.
[3:51 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Psychic power of empathy affects every relationship she has. ...That's how empathy works, yeah.
[3:51 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I try to minimise my own empathy to avoid this problem.
[3:52 PM] HeavyLobster: Oh boy, teenage girl drama is totally deep and interesting and not at all shallow and stupid.

Life is Strange True Colors Mac's bullshit or further trouble Square Enix Presents E3 2021
Don't treat Little Mac like that.


[3:53 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Ooh, there's...uh...
[3:53 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...Alternate worlds you can enter.
[3:53 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...When someone is really emotionally unstable.
[3:53 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Alluding to suicide.
[3:54 PM] HeavyLobster: This shit is hilariously stupid.
[3:54 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Alex's power looks sooo awesome. I have no idea how to make some of these choices" - some musician woman
[3:54 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Alright how about some more Marvel?
[3:55 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: NOPE WE GOT A SWORD
[3:55 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: SQUARE ENIX JAPAN
[3:55 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: JAPAN
[3:55 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: JAPAN
[3:55 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: NEW TITLE
[3:55 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: With Team Ninja.
[3:55 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And Koei Tecmo Games.
[3:55 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The narrator who is apparently the protagonist is OBSESSED with killing chaos.
[3:56 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: So I guess he's really unhappy with the final Splatfest in Splatoon 2 (not counting Mushroom vs. Star).
[3:56 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Guy literally greeted a dude with "CHAOS."
[3:57 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "We're here to kill CHAOS."
[3:57 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: So...
[3:57 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The guy's name is Garland...
[3:57 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...
[3:57 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Nope, it's not Garland.
[3:57 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: His name is Chaos.
[3:57 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Stranger of Paradise Final Fantasy Origin"
[3:57 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Demo available soon on PlayStation 5.
[3:57 PM] HeavyLobster: Huh.
[3:58 PM] HeavyLobster: That was something interesting at least.
[3:58 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And now we get a montage of recently released games like Final Fantasy VII Remake Intergrade.
[3:58 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Well they want to go into the backstory of Final Fantasy I, I guess.
[3:58 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Wait, it's over?
[3:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...Huh.
[3:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Well, that sucked.
[3:59 PM] HeavyLobster: Yeah, that's the worst presentation by a mile.
[3:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The E3 2021 commentators think that was fantastic so I'm just gonna close Twitch 'cause we're done for the day.
[3:59 PM] HeavyLobster: It's actually impressive how garbage it was.
[4:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The JRPG stuff was action-RPG. :x
[4:00 PM] HeavyLobster: Twitch of course is a bunch of kiss-asses.
[4:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: So I'm worried about Dragon Quest XII!
[4:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And how it'll somehow vaguely change the battle system there.
[4:01 PM] HeavyLobster: Does Square even know their fanbase at all? Because that presentation feels specifically tailored to alienate them.
[4:01 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: To be fair, it opened up with literal aliens...!
[4:03 PM] HeavyLobster: I feel like I waded through a sewer of Consoomer shit.
[4:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Yeaaaaah. Well...
[4:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...It's only up-hill from here. ...Maybe.
[4:04 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...Well I plan to watch Verizon's thing tomorrow because I really want to know wot they're even doing at E3.
[4:04 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: So that'll probably be even worse.
[4:04 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: But stay tuned...!



Come back on KoopaTV on Monday for more E3 2021 content and nothing but E3 2021 content. Did KoopaTV underrate the Square Enix presentation? Let the staff know in the comments.


The preceding conference was the Xbox + Bethesda one, and that one actually had a traditional JRPG.
Square Enix had a much, MUCH better E3 2019 presentation.
Verizon at E3 2021 was worse.

4 comments :

  1. I actually liked the Final Fantasy Origin reveal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You feel confident!

      It doesn't give me...uh... a good vibe. Entirely from the main protagonist.

      Delete
  2. I expect a full review of that black panther game, I’m sure it will be sold out within minutes of launch.

    Joking aside this wasn’t all that exciting, though it should be noted how much the commentators loved it. Do they ever get to say anything negative? probably not.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The commentators thought the Verizon conference was great, so I think they're not allowed to be upset.

      Delete

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