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Wednesday, June 21, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Carly Fiorina

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - And you thought I'd use this day to discuss something topical?

After a lengthy absence, Wonderful Wednesday is back! In case you forgot, Wonderful Wednesday is when, every Wednesday, KoopaTV digs deeper into an aspect of its hit 2016 PC game, The Wonderful 1237! The game is based off of the 2015–2016 Republican presidential primaries. For the past several Wonderful Wednesday articles, I've been writing strategy guides for the seventeen unique minigames in The Wonderful 1237, all from each of the seventeen Republican presidential candidates you will be competing with.

As explained in the Wonderful Wednesday article about those minigames from three months ago, I've been writing these strategy guides — one for each candidate, in a specific order. This one is about the WOMAN who IS THE ONE FEMALE: Carly Fiorina. Carly Fiorina is the reason why The Wonderful 1237 has gender-neutral language when talking about opposing candidates. But is she even worth the consideration? Well, she'll be very formidable if she manages to survive to California. Take a look at her stats below, and then her minigame details:

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 4 + (1–5)
Cool: 1 + (0–3)
Cute: 0 + (1–4)
Smart: 0 + (0–3)
Tough: 0 + (0–3)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 46
Cool: 22
Cute: 35
Smart: 21
Tough: 21

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Likely. (Carly Fiorina will have 12 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 Carly Fiorina versus vs minigame endorsement fight
“Versus... Carly Fiorina! Fight!”


Basic Information

Adoring Two Girls.
Act according to the beat.
Approximate Time to Play:
About 24 seconds from beginning to credits, or 16 seconds of actual playing.


Detailed Description:
Carly Fiorina will start singing, and you must press the spacebar when the given sound in the music happens. It's a cymbal, or something.
A big, complicated scoring formula. Basically, the formula compares the timings of your spacebar presses to the established times for when the sound/cymbal happens. If you are within .1 seconds of the established time (which is a while), you're still good for perfect score. Outside of that, you're penalised. If you don't press the spacebar the same number of times that the cymbal plays, you're penalised a lot. I'd be specific, but to be honest, I don't really understand my own formula.
Optimal Tactics:
You need to press spacebar at these exact timings once the song starts:
  1. 1.415 seconds
  2. 3.515 seconds
  3. 5.625 seconds
  4. 7.725 seconds
  5. 9.835 seconds
  6. 11.935 seconds
  7. 14.045 seconds
It feels like you'll need to press the spacebar an eighth time at the end, but the song ends before an 8th cymbal can happen. That's there to trick you. Don't press the spacebar on reaction, but rather in anticipation.
Carly Fiorina's is the only minigame without any randomness to the gameplay. The colourful background behind her does change randomly every time you play it, however.

Other Trivia

Skill(s) Tested:
Rhythmic timing.
Back in the day when Ted Cruz was THE guy against Donald Trump in the primaries, Ted Cruz announced he would have his vice presidential pick be Carly Fiorina. Picking a vice presidential nominee before you actually won your party's nomination is really rare or unprecedented, one of those. Carly Fiorina, of course, had dropped out of the race a long time ago. In her little ceremony as Ted Cruz's running mate, she started singing about Ted Cruz's daughters. This led to this video by The Gregory Brothers being made:

...So the song in the game comes before the dudes start singing with her. By the way, Carly Fiorina had the shortest vice presidential run in American history, lasting about a week. Then Ted Cruz ditched her at an airport after she fell off a stage.

Fortunately, The Wonderful 1237 doesn't go into vice-presidential politics.

Play The Minigame Here!

Ludwig wants to finish up the Wonderful Wednesday series in the near future so he can spend time working on whatever KoopaTV's 2017 game project will be. It should be of smaller scale than The Wonderful 1237!

The previous Wonderful Wednesday article was from a month ago, so there was definitely a hiatus.
The next Wonderful Wednesday article is... the next Wednesday. Featuring another failed candidate!


  1. Gotta have that female representation.

    1. Too bad she got treated like trash in real life.

      Is it sexist on my part, in terms of game design, to have the one female have the highest Beauty stat? (Well, tied with Ben Carson, though she has a +1 base over him.)

      She doesn't have the best Cute stat, though!


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