Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth Chooses Death — By Europe

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Memorial for Miles Edgeworth.

You may remember two important court cases at the end of 2016 and beginning of 2017: The DL-6 incident re-trial, and the SL-9 incident re-trial. Both of these trials involved famous prosecutor Miles Edgeworth. What we didn't report on is that shortly after these trials, Miles Edgeworth had disappeared for a year. He only left behind what appeared to be a suicide note: “Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth Chooses Death.”

“Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth chooses death.”
(He also chose Japanese, for some reason. Edgeworth's multilingual abilities are put to the test later in this story, though.)

For the past year, we all thought he died. It turns out that he fled to France, under the guise of “Benjamin Hunter.” (No relation to world-renowned association soccer star Alex Hunter.) As Benjamin Hunter, Miles Edgeworth tried to make it as a French prosecuting attorney (though I'm pretty sure that “Benjamin Hunter” isn't a very French-sounding name), but soon found himself on the defendant's chair once again in mid-2017:

Cappy Invading the United Kingdom and the Royal Wedding!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - And Vortexica is in danger. ...Again. ...Again.

A disadvantage to being royal is that you're obligated to keep tabs on all of the other royal families out there. That unfortunately includes the British Royal Family (house of Windsor). They're important in particular because Queen Elizabeth II hates us, after Koopa Kingdom annexed Alberta and mocked her. That hatred could fester into something bad for Koopa Kingdom at any time.

This week, one of Queen Elizabeth II's grandsons, Prince Harry, had a Royal Wedding with someone named Meghan Markle. Now that she's married, she's “Meghan, Duchess of Sussex.” I can't say I particularly care about any of this, but a lot of people throughout the world of Earth gave a big deal of attention to this... and it turns out, someone who isn't from Earth, too. A hostile alien. Someone who shouldn't be around Earth, but has been for some time now.

Cappy the Bonneter. Yes, that Cappy. The one that teamed up with Mario to crash the Royal Wedding between King Bowser Koopa and Princess Peach Toadstool.

I can say I particularly care about all of that.

Here's Cappy caught on camera in two pictures:

Xbox Gaming Tournament at the Special Olympics — Not Real Olympics Event

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - eSports continues to approach the ultimate stage, but this isn't it.

Did you know that Microsoft is the Premier Partner sponsoring the 2018 Special Olympics USA Games? They want you to know that, because it helps make them look like a socially responsible company. To that end, Microsoft is hosting the first-ever videogame tournament that is taking place at the Special Olympics — this July 2nd in Seattle. KoopaTV will not cover it. We'll have our monthly newsletter instead.

Besides, who wants to watch “Unified teams” consisting “of an athlete with and an athlete without an intellectual disability”? They'll be playing Forza Motorsport 7, a game we don't care about. Here's what I said when Forza Motorsport 7 was finished being revealed at Microsoft's E3 2017:

“I'm supposed to be suffocating from this breathtaking Forza finish. But I'm still breathing.”

I suppose being alive is a better fate. Anyway, not only do I not care about Forza, but I'm not a fan of the Special Olympics. I trained quite hard for the Rio 2016 Olympics... which was a set of real Olympics with a high and existent skill floor. You can get official Olympics approval on the name, but the Special Olympics, by design, is the opposite of what the Olympics is supposed to represent. (And it's not diversity, unity, or climate change.)

However, it doesn't matter what I think about the Special Olympics — it matters that eSports are recognised as sports. So, let's look at the official list of 35 sports available at the Special Olympics...

World Turtle Day — Comparing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the Koopa Bros.!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - They're back...

Turtles, for the most part, are still a foreign concept to me. What is a Koopa to do for World Turtle Day, then? Well, for the past month, we've been dealing with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TMNT) every week. First it was Raphael and Leonardo. Then it was Michelangelo and Donatello. Then it was Raphael, again, and Donatello, again. It turns out that, legally, Donatello is the best Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

“Today we proved that Donnie is the undisputed king of the Ninja Turtles.”

I got sick of writing about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and you got sick of reading about them. And then... it dawned on me. For almost two decades, people have been comparing the Koopa Bros. to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, to the point that they believe the Koopa Bros. are Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle rip-offs! You remember the Koopa Bros., right? Well, here's a side-by-side comparison:

Moe the Clown is Probably a Racist

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Boycott the Berry Big Circus!

If there is one thing that KoopaTV doesn't tolerate (and... there isn't just one thing), it's when people denigrate African countries.

For example, we wrote a whole article defending our country of residence, Sierra Leone, when President Donald John Trump allegedly declared it a “shithole.”

Lawrence “Moe” Curls, the current ringmaster of the Berry Big Circus out in California, had this outrageous comment to say about an African country... and we got it RECORDED:

Pick: PC Gaming Show vs. Splatoon 2 World Championship Semifinals

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - These two events conflict with one another. Which should KoopaTV react to... LIVE?

Check this out. I'm putting together the schedule for KoopaTV's inevitable E3 2018 coverage. That's important to plan in advance, since the Electronics Entertainment Expo in June is always KoopaTV's most trafficked month. Part of that is because we publish more in that month than the other months, and part of that is because that's when gamers are the most hungry for our content.

In the interest of transparency, we have a conflict to present: On June 11, starting at 6:30 PM Eastern, Nintendo will be running the Splatoon 2 World Championships semi-finals. On June 11, starting at 6:00 PM Eastern, the PC Gamer magazine will be hosting the PC Gaming Show. That's a clear time conflict, and based on last year's PC Gaming Show lasting 105 minutes, they're going to overlap.

Which do we pick to live react to?

On one hand, this site doesn't cater to PC gaming. We're significantly more focused on console gaming. We also don't consider the PC Gaming Show to be an E3 conference, hence why it doesn't end up on our conferences tier list every year.

On the other hand, the Splatoon 2 World Championship semifinals is totally without consequence. There is no news that will be announced in there. Splatoon 2 is already out and has been for some time. If they want to drop an announcement for it that won't already be at Nintendo's presentation, they'll do so for the FINALS on the 12th. We haven't even been following the qualifier rounds, so it's not like we'll feel like we're missing anything. Plus, the non-Ludwig staff has demonstrated their boredom with watching competitive Splatoon during last year's Splatoon 2 World Inkling Invitational Championship.

If we miss the PC Gaming Show from its live broadcast, we can and probably will go back and still react to it. There WILL be news in there, even if the staffers don't personally care about it. Some other KoopaTV staff members also believe the PC Gaming Show will be funny.

If we miss the semifinals of the Splatoon 2 tournament, we're not going to watch its video-on-demand. It'll be lost forever to us. The other reason that the Splatoon 2 World Championship semifinals is somewhat compelling here is because it gives context to the finals round that we'll watch on the 12th, and because all of the Splatoon articles tend to get a high level of interest from readers. (Also known as: Splatoon consistently gets views and engagement on KoopaTV.) It also affects our rating for Nintendo's E3 2018 performance.

We're leaving it up to you guys, our readers, to tell us what to do three weeks from now. 

THREE. WEEKS. UNTIL E3 2018!


KoopaTV's staffers have a DIVISION for what to do, so the staff decided to just let you guys decide. Don't expect this level of transparency in the site's decision-making to carry over to many other areas of staff debate, such as the Game of THAT Year awards.


For Nintendo's full E3 2018 plans (as we know them as of May 21), click here.
The Splatoon 2 World Championship was announced here.

Caught: FAKE NEWS CNN and Fake Tears Schumer!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Represented by the epitomes of fake.

There has been a rash of FAKE NEWS in the past week. I have an ethical policy of not writing opinion articles on FAKE NEWS because I don't like giving garbage any of my royal credibility. The only thing that's more of an annual recurrence than the pre-E3 massacres are the pre-E3 “leaks”, which is an inaccurate way of saying FAKE NEWS. They're unsubstantiated rumours at best. It's only a leak if it's actually true but wasn't supposed to be released to the public.

Anyway, it's also unfortunate that the mainstream media is joining the pre-E3 FAKE NEWS, though on non-E3 topics. This time, they're not only spreading FAKE NEWS by themselves, but they are aided by allies, like the Democrat Party. No one is more complicit than the United States Senate's Minority Leader, Senator Chuck Schumer of New York.

Earlier on Wednesday, FAKE NEWS CNN, a good-for-nothing collection of garbage, reported that President Donald John Trump of the United States, during a roundtable on immigration with California leaders (which is a roundtable he would much rather participate in compared to one on videogame violence), called (all) immigrants “bad” and “animals.”

Camelot's Credibility-Building Mario Sports Intros

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Will Mario Tennis Aces continue Camelot's cinematography?

People might be sleeping on Mario Tennis Aces, which may or may not be a shame. We don't know for sure yet since it releases next month, but based on what we saw from it back in the March 2018 Nintendo Direct, we should give it the benefit of some doubt. It has a story mode, after all.

Camelot isn't on the best streak of quality gaming lately (no one cared about Mario Sports Superstars, and Mario Tennis: Ultra Smash cared more about amiibo than making a game with personality), especially not compared to their heyday. But Mario Tennis Aces has the potential to turn that around.

Mario Tennis Aces obviously has cutscenes in it because of its story mode.
This has a lot of potential to bring back the magic last seen from Camelot over a decade ago.

That bit about Mario Tennis: Ultra Smash not being about personality is crucial to this article: Camelot's games were all about developing personality. That focus established credibility that fans could not only trust Camelot to work with the Super Mario franchise, but fans could look forward to when Camelot works with that franchise. (To compare the alternative situation, see the fan reaction for whenever Nintendo hands control of the Yoshi franchise to Artoon/Arzest.)

Let's go over a brief timeline of Camelot's credibility-building cutscene wonderfulness... featuring embedded videos!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Splatfest Part 3: Raphael vs. Donatello!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The loudest sigh, and the final round.

This Saturday, May 19th, will be the conclusion of this three-round Splatoon 2 Splatfest tournament based on everyone's favourite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

In Round 1, I supported Leonardo over Raphael. Raphael ended up winning. 
In Round 2, I supported Donatello over Michelangelo. Donatello ended up winning.

Can you guess who I will support in Round 3? That's right. Donatello. 

Mainly for this reason.

I already explained why I dislike Raphael and like Donatello in the previous articles. Does that mean this article is over and done with? No. I'm going to tell you about why I've been sighing and detesting this entire Splatfest tournament series.

Creating a Nintendo Switch Online Family Group

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We explain family group/membership logistics, and why Nintendo allows it.

Last week, I set aside Nintendo's family groups as worthy of their own article when discussing Nintendo Switch Online. That is because, starting today (May 15), you can set up your own family group!

If I know the e-mail address you registered your Nintendo Account with, you can join the family!
Set up a family group here.

 
To back up a bit, a family group is required to have a family membership plan, which is an alternative to the individual plan for Nintendo Switch Online ($20 for one year for one person). The family membership allows for EIGHT people to be in one plan, for $35 a year. The family group behind the family plan has a group administrator, and either normal members, or parents and children. (Children are supposed to be under 13, but can go up to under 18, and all of their information is handled by their parent/guardian.)

The family group is a very cost-effective way to have multiple people in one plan. I'm a big fan of how they have an eight-member maximum. That's just enough for King Bowser Koopa and all seven of the Koopalings! ...Bowser Jr. shouldn't be playing online anyway.

Why would Nintendo offer such a fantastic value in family memberships compared to individual groups? It's a good deal for them. Consider this: