Search KoopaTV!

Translate

E-mail Subscription

Friday, June 30, 2017

The Ingredient She Seeks — An Ashley's Song Story

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - This is our LGBT Pride Month 2017 article, by the way.

For nearly a decade now, I have been in love with the jazzy remix of Ashley's Song as debuted in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. You don't understand how many times I sat there listening to the one-minute clip of Ashley's Song on the Smash Bros. DOJO!!. (Many times, every day, for... a while.)

Ashley's Song, in its original form, first came out with Ashley's debut as a character in WarioWare: Touched! back in 2005. The song got controversy for sounding like Ashley granted kids a ticket to Hell when played backwards using the in-game turntable. Possibly as a result, Ashley's Song never became a leitmotif for her and has not fully re-appeared in any WarioWare game ever again. However, after being in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, it was brought back for Super Smash Bros. For 3DS (as one of only two Wario songs) and Super Smash Bros. For Wii U, though not remixed again (except for... in Japan?).

Ever since a certain Miiverse post I made (and a bit before), Ashley's Song has had a resurgence as music I listen to... continuously. I just HAD to ruin it forever so I would stop listening to it and do other things with my life. So, I had an idea: Why not make Ashley go from a cute girl to... a dude? That was sure to ruin the song for me, since I'm some awful social conservative transphobic bigot. So, here are my results of trying to ruin Ashley's Song:


...Yeah, it turns out that this, uh, “remix” also sounds pretty great and I'm also listening to this a lot. Whoops. That wasn't supposed to happen.

Well, thanks to this project, I've learned that men trying to transition into women can have great singing voices too.

We wish Trans-Ashley good luck in, uh, her endeavours in life.

Ashley great witch WarioWare Mii manly transgender transsexual male genderbend Super Smash Bros. For Wii U
You better be afraid of the great Ashley!

I guess some background would be appreciated. Trans-Ashley, born Ash and designed as a male at birth, grew up a big fan of Ashley the witch. Ash wanted to be JUST like Ashley. However, even though Ash bought a wig and Ashley's outfit, he still did not feel like he was JUST like Ashley. He was without magical talent, and he could not be a witch due to his gender. BUT, gender is just a social construct! Why, that can be changed. And one doesn't even need to be a magician to do it, thanks to advances in science. However, Ash, not having any talents (and thus, no money), skipped the science part and just went off his feelings. And now, Ash (who has been renamed to Ashley) prefers “she/her” pronouns.

...By the way, this article refers to Ashley as Trans-Ashley — not to try to demean or disparage transgender people — but because the readers need some way to differentiate between the original Ashley (whom appeared in WarioWare) and the Ashley seen in the screenshot above.

Now feeling much more comfortable with her own body, Trans-Ashley is able to sing, with great gusto, Ashley's Song! Ashley's Song is all about being the coolest GIRL you'll ever meet, and being the GIRL next door living haunted mansion. However, wearing a wig, Trans-Ashley doesn't see the purpose of combing her hair — and doesn't have time for girly things like that given that she transitioned into a tomboy girl and not a girly girl.


Thus, Trans-Ashley greatly identifies with the whole song, along with her heroine, Ashley.

Here are the lyrics:


[Band]
Who’s the girl next door living in the haunted
mansion?

[Ashley]
You better learn my name ‘cause it’s Ashley!

[Band]
She knows the darkest spells and she brews the meanest potions.

[Ashley]
You might be the ingredient I seek.

[Band]
Don’t let yourself be fooled by her innocent demeanor.

[Ashley]
You better be afraid of the great Ashley!

[Band]
She doesn’t play with dolls and she never combs her hair.

[Ashley]
Who has time for girly things like that?


Eye of Newt Gingrich zoom close-up
Eye of Newt, I cast a hex on you!
Grandma’s wig; this’ll make you big.
Kitten spit; soon your pants won’t fit.
Pantalones Giganticus! (Oh no, not again!)

[Band]
She can rule the world and still finish all her homework.

[Ashley]
Everyone knows I’m the greatest Ashley!

[Band]
You better watch your step or she’ll cast a spell on you.

[Ashley]
I turned my teacher into a spoon.

I'm a slave to my spells
And yes it’s true, well,
I don’t have as many friends as you.
But I think you’re nice and maybe we could be friends…
And if you say “no”, you’re toast.

[Band]
Who’s the girl next door living in the haunted mansion?

[Ashley]
You better learn my name ‘cause it’s Ashley!

[Band]
Just remember this when you see her on the street:

[Ashley]
I’m the coolest girl you’ll ever meet.
I’m the coolest girl you’ll ever meet.
I’m the coolest girl you’ll EVER meet!

[Band]
Who’s the girl next door living in the haunted mansion?

[Ashley]
You better learn my name ‘cause it’s Ashley!

[Band]
She knows the darkest spells and she brews the meanest potions...


Ludwig will keep listening to Ashley's Song, whether sung by Ashley in 2005 or 2008, Japanese Ashley in 2004, 2008, or 2014, or Trans-Ashley in 2017. As the years go on, Ludwig may or may not be less and less of a bigot. Only time will tell! Feel free to remark on his progress in the comments section, or what you think of Trans-Ashley's singing talent. Note: KoopaTV is not Trans-Ashley's agent, but you're free to be impressed by Ludwig's own singing abilities.


Ludwig went out of his way to revise this article to make it GLAAD-compliant, which is a lot of progress compared to what he wrote about transgender people three years ago.
Rawk talks about possible transgender role models here.
KoopaTV recognised LGBT Month in 2016, and it focused on the LGB. It was very GLAAD-noncompliant.

4 comments :

  1. I don't blame you for teh listenz. But seriously though, is it any wonder Ashley's spells fail so much of the time? I mean, really, PANTALONES? That's a SPANISH word. Everyone knows that the PROPER magic spell incantations are in LATIN or at least derived from it! :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WELL, "pants" comes from "pantaloon", which comes from "pantalon" (French) and then "pantalone" from Italian, which is... from a Venetian theatrical character.

      But I guess "pants" in Latin is "bracae" which is related to "breeches".

      And then I get lost from there.

      ANYWAY, Ashley is a BRILLIANT witch. I blame her failures on... RED!

      Delete
  2. I never knew that a song as great as Ashley's theme could transition into something even better. I'm glaad that this masterpiece was made.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A+ comment. Thank you for bringing such a great comment to us!

      You're also welcome for the song.

      Delete

We embrace your comments. No identification required, but if you don't comment as Anonymous, then you will be entered into the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program and may win prizes if you keep up activity!
Expect a reply between 1 minute to 24 hours. We advise you to receive an e-mail notification for when we do reply.
Also, see our Disclaimers.

Spamming is bad, so don't spam. Spam includes random advertisements and obviously being a robot. Our vendor may subject you to CAPTCHAs if you are not using a Google account. We're not happy about that, either.