Miitomo's End of Life. ...What's Miitomo, Again?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I totally forgot what Miitomo was. Yup, totally mobile trash.

By May 9, 2018, Miitomo service will end. Remember Miitomo? I didn't. I still don't even know what the hell you do in Miitomo but it was Nintendo's first mobile application since their whole “let's go back on what we were saying for years and do mobile now.” reversal.

Miitomo proceeded to get 10 million users in a month, but those users weren't exactly the most engaged bunch. Afterwards, they had a Splatfest to promote it, and then Miitomo disappeared except to annoy people with its clothes and crap My Nintendo. (Otherwise, you can't actually do anything with all those Platinum Coins they dump on you.)

Anyway, Miitomo will end per the Miitomo site, which might not be around after May 9, so here is the announcement on the main Nintendo site. 

Think you know your friends?
Well, too bad, because you'll NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN.

The Merits of Having Callie vs. Marie Determine Splatoon 2's Story Mode

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm not sure how meritorious it is, but the final Splatfest certainly affected a lot about Splatoon 2. (Spoilers, duh.)

I got a request a long time ago before Splatoon 2 came out, asking me:

“Write the merits of having the final Splatfest determine Splatoon 2's story mode if it did so (have to wait until the game comes out).” 

Well, I obviously waited long after the game came out. I... had to think about this.

First, let's make sure we're all on the same page regarding the Squid Sisters and Splatoon 2. 

We write a lot about Splatfests here on KoopaTV. Splatfests are Inkopolis's cultural mega-events where all the squids and kids vote on which option they prefer when presented with two choices. Each choice is backed by one of the newscasters, be they the Squid Sisters in Splatoon (Callie and Marie) or Off the Hook in Splatoon 2 (Pearl and Marina). And when I say mega-event, I mean the whole Inkopolis Square or Inkopolis Plaza transforms into a festive situation with dancing, the night sky, and special music. All participants dedicate their activity to the Splatfest. We like them on KoopaTV because they give us things to talk about that we normally wouldn't, and then it's game-related.

For background to the request, Splatoon's final Splatfest, Callie vs. Marie, ended in Marie winning. That is a very formative event. It then wasn't until Splatoon 2's demo Splatfest that Off the Hook gave context to all of the Splatfests we've been participating in for the first Splatoon: The winner of a Splatfest becomes legally better than the loser of the Splatfest.

In-between Splatoon and Splatoon 2, Nintendo released a series of “Squid Sisters Stories” on the official Splatoon website, from Marie's perspective. It starts right after the final Splatoon Splatfest that she had just won...

Nintendo Pitch: Abort the Port Support!

By RAWKHAWK2010 - Hey Hey! Ho Ho! Sequelized ports have got to go!

Announced at the Nintendo Direct Mini (see the broken mess of a log article here) were a number of games that will be lifted from previous systems and re-released on the Nintendo Switch. Some call them "ports." Hey, I do too or the word wouldn't be in the title.

Before we get too deep into this, not all ports are bad. There are ports that use all the pre-existing architecture but still acknowledge some level of modern content standards, and then get released as something that even the veteran player can feel like they're revisiting and experiencing for the first time. A great example is Kirby Super Star Ultra. It's a port of Kirby Super Star that came out 12 years after the original's release, which is a pretty ideal time frame for this kind of thing (we'll get to that). It pressed all the nostalgia nodes a straight port would, and upon taking advantage of its own nostalgic framework, gave the player new content they didn't even know they wanted. HAL Laboratory was seizing an opportunity. (P.S. I know what y'all are all thinking: "Kirby Super Star Ultra is a remake, not a port!" And my response is that Ultra is 90% "port", 10% "make", and is brewed to be greater than the sum of its parts. If that's a "remake", then why is EVERY port not a remake?)

Unlike Smash and Mario Kart as of late, Ultra focused on what the player could do with its characters rather than just mindlessly add them.
This resulted in new modes that weren't complete garbage. Isn't that right, Best Time Bonkers™? (Credit: Ludwig)

President Donald Trump's First Year Reflection

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It was mixed, as real life tends to be. But how mixed? Find out.

After an entire year of waiting, it is finally time to acknowledge that President Donald John Trump is 1/4 (or 1/8) through his presidency! Yes, he has completed an actual milestone. (It's a MEANINGFUL anniversary.)

Remember when everyone thought President Donald John Trump's first 100 days was the most important thing ever and it would determine everything that would follow for the other thousand-plus days of his presidency? Yeah, that was a stupid time period, and all of the obsession over that (both from the media, as well as the president himself) was silly. And I'm not just saying that looking back, but I thought it was always dumb. It's the ultimate enslavement to base-10 and stupid anniversaries.

It would be hard to guess how we would generally come around to the President if you take a look back at how we talked about him during the primary season. We (or I was, at least) were quite vicious to the guy, regularly insulting him and distancing ourselves from him. So, what do we think of him NOW?

President Trump Fair & Balanced Mini-Contest 2017–2018

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Were we fair & balanced towards President Donald John Trump in his first year? Mini-Contest!

This Monday we will publish KoopaTV's article reflecting on the one-year anniversary since President Donald John Trump's inauguration. A videogame site is going to dedicate space to this because we're one of the few gaming publications to remember what candidate Trump's opposition tried to do to the industry and hold her accountable for it, and so we endorsed candidate Trump for president. Since KoopaTV played a part in 2016 to get him elected, we made it a policy to not shy away from giving coverage to the after-effects of what we were directly responsible for. Call it social responsibility.

KoopaTV's values include truth, levity, and fair & balanced writing. So it's an interesting question: Did we live up to those values when covering President Donald John Trump's first year in office? We want YOU to guess!

The American mainstream media (ABC, CBS, and NBC) have a 9–91% positive-negative coverage split in their coverage of President Donald John Trump. If we are less lopsided (from either direction), then we would at least be less biased than the media, but that is a very low bar. 

YOU can guess KoopaTV's positive–negative coverage split for a PRIZE!

The Mini-Contest

On Monday's article we are going to list all of the articles about President Donald John Trump that we wrote in his first year as president. We are going to mark them as positive or negative (or neutral) coverage. To make this interesting, if you can be the KoopaTV reader closest to guessing the actual positive–negative coverage split, you are going to win TEN points in the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program! (It's currently in Round 18, with the prize being a $10 Nintendo eShop card. 10 points can go a long way.)

Rules

Please comment here or e-mail KoopaTV at submissions(at)koopatv(dot)org with your guess, submitted in positive–negative format (for example, “90–10” would be 90% positive coverage and 10% negative). Your last submitted guess before the article is published on Monday will be your entry. Any guess made after your first and before the article is published on Monday will overwrite it.

KoopaTV will publish all guesses we get and who made them. KoopaTV won't publish your e-mail address, just your given screen name. KoopaTV won't use your e-mail address for any purpose other than to administrate the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program, unless you specify that you would like to be part of our e-mail subscription.

Entries submitted via any other means will not be accepted.

The range of articles is from Donald Trump: Inauguration Day (January 20, 2017) to Is Sierra Leone A Shithole? The Great People There! (January 15, 2018).

It is the KoopaTV staff's discretion for whether or not an article is positive or negative towards President Donald John Trump, as well as the staff's discretion for whether or not an article qualifies as being about President Donald John Trump. Each article will be weighed equally.

If contestants are tied in closeness or the exact answer, then the contestant who submitted the guess first will get the points.

If an article is marked as neutral coverage, that does not affect the positive–negative split mathematics.


KoopaTV's staff hasn't actually done the tally as of when this is published, so the hosts have no idea what the correct answer is, either! Don't get used to KoopaTV publishing content on weekends.


The weekend is over, and here are the results!

Mirror Kirby 3DS Home Theme Released! ...Oh, and Kirby Battle Royale

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I don't know if the theme is the best thing to come of this game, but it probably is. (Plus, a special programming note for this weekend.)

We have come a long way from Nintendo's September 2017 Nintendo Direct which debuted Kirby Battle Royale. We all seemed to instantly want the game. Then, we actually learned what was in the game... which isn't much. We thought it would be the closest thing to a Kirby fighting game with online multiplayer, and it's really just a party game with one mode being the fighting part.

Some time ago, they released a free demo of Kirby Battle Royale on the 3DS eShop which features “demo tickets”, or treating the demo as a wait-to-play game. You can play three modes with it, and in your choice of free-for-alls or teams: Battle Arena, Apple Scramble, and Crazy Theater. Battle Arena is the fighting mode and it's quite shallow. Apple Scramble features you trying to attack Whispy Woods to get apples to fall down, and then you throw the apples down a trap door. Get more apples than your opponents. And Crazy Theater asks you to do things like stand on a panel on the ground that answers a prompt, or avoidance tasks, or whatever, and do that successfully enough times to win.

Basically, the game lacks depth, but it features a dozen or whatever copy abilities. (You can play as Sword, Cutter, and Beetle.) 

It's Beetle Kirby! (You can change the colour of your Kirby. This is blue.)

What Nintendo Labo Is, and Why You Might Care

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - A new product line from Nintendo.

Yesterday, we gave our live reactions on Nintendo's brand-new product line releasing in three months: Nintendo Labo, presumably pronounced as the “labo” in “laboratory.” Specifically, our reactions to the three-minute introductory trailer. If you didn't watch it (and all you have to do to get up-to-speed is click that hyperlink), Labo, per Nintendo's accompanying press release, is a series of “new line of interactive build-and-play experiences designed to inspire kids and those who are kids-at-heart.” The experiences are a physical kit made of materials like special cardboard, string, and tape, that work with the Nintendo Switch.

Since then, Nintendo has been marketing the Labo as three components: MAKE, PLAY, and DISCOVER. That's how I'll organise this article to explain what the Labo really is. But first, I have some words to say about what people thought Nintendo were going to announce, because I think people's weird expectations have a lot to do with how the Labo was received.

KoopaTV's Sporadic Live Reactions to Nintendo Labo

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Well... okay.

On Facebook earlier today, Nintendo published this post:

“Tune in here on Facebook or at youtube.com/nintendo at 2 p.m. PT/ 5 p.m. ET to discover a new interactive experience for Nintendo Switch that’s specially crafted for kids and those who are kids-at-heart.” 

So I'm going to write my whole thoughts and expectations on this in tomorrow's article. This one is just Rawk and I live-reacting (at different times) to what is a 3-minute announcement video. Let's just say, in typical Nintendo fan fashion, people (but not yours truly) were hyping this up to be something it was never going to be.

Find out what Nintendo Labo is by watching this and reading our raw reactions:

Missile Scares in Hawaii and Japan; Missile Scares Everywhere

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You can playfully relive the missile scares caused by the Soviet Union in Soviet Missile Run.

In the span of a few days, the state of Hawaii's emergency alert system issued a FAKE NEWS “this is not a drill” alert that a ballistic missile was incoming, which wasn't corrected for over half an hour. The nation of Japan's public news network, NHK, sent out a FAKE NEWS alert that North Korea has launched a missile at Japan.

With deadly missiles on everyone's mind, we invite everyone to play KoopaTV's new videogame, Soviet Missile Run. It's the genesis of the missile threats you find now.

If you don't play it, then no one will be able to stop the Soviet Union's missile production, and the world may end a lot sooner than you expect. You might look at these FAKE NEWS alerts and then not take them seriously when there is a real missile incoming.

In the event you can't play Soviet Missile Run because you are using a mobile device, then your only choice is to DUCK AND COVER. That's another aspect of life where Koopas have it WAY better than humans, as Bert demonstrates:

Bert is about to withdraw into his shell to save himself from nuclear fallout.
Ducking and covering is actually helpful if you see a flash of light, as opposed to just government propaganda
meant to give you false hope.

If you are going to have a lot more of a personal interaction with missiles, and you're a shell-less human, then once again, I ask you to check out Soviet Missile Run. The protagonist, Varya, is up-close-and-personal with many, MANY missiles. She knows what to do. Learn from her. She has experience with both the CIA and the KGB, back when missiles were flying everywhere.

Do you know what you would do if a missile was flying right at you,
and your only shelter was another missile you were standing on?
Watching Duck and Cover won't help you, so you better play Soviet Missile Run!

One more time: Play Soviet Missile Run right here on KoopaTV, for free!


While Ludwig lacks the guts to jump around from missile to missile and using them as platforms, he has his shell. Most people reading this don't have that, so missile-survival training is critical. KoopaTV is not a substitute for proper civil defence training, though it can be used as an unsanctioned supplement.


The game also is educational on history, which explains current events.
Tulsi Gabbard was affected enough by the missile scare to make it her closing statement in a presidential debate.

Is Sierra Leone A Shithole? The Great People There!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We take issue with that man's belief.

Last week, United States of America President Donald John Trump reportedly (according to a Democrat in the room) said that “African countries” are “shithole countries.” (In a discussion about immigration protections for people currently in America.) He also said that immigration protections should be ceased with Haitians.

He has since said good things about Haiti in a tweet, but nothing about any African countries. What, is Africa beneath him?

Never said anything derogatory about Haitians other than Haiti is, obviously, a very poor and troubled country. Never said “take them out.” Made up by Dems. I have a wonderful relationship with Haitians. Probably should record future meetings - unfortunately, no trust!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 12, 2018

There is some debate about whether or not the President actually said “shithole”, but no one is denying the basic sentiment behind the statement — people from economically disadvantaged countries shouldn't come to, and stay in, the United States under the merit-based immigration system proposed by President Donald John Trump. (He prefers Norwegians and Asians.)

We're writing about this, because, as you should know already, KoopaTV's Earth-based headquarters is in Sierra Leone. While the President didn't allegedly name-drop Sierra Leone, I think we can safely assume that he had Sierra Leone in mind, if he really did say that. (Sierra Leone was already the target of an immigration spat that directly affected KoopaTV.) Rather than talk about videogames or something, I think we owe our Sierra Leonean landlords the rent for 2018 one article that serves as a defence against the President's assertions demeaning our adopted country.