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Friday, July 22, 2016

The DonCon Experience

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Four nights of the Republican National Convention, 2016!

We heard from Herman Cain yesterday that you could find wild (augmented reality) Pikachu at the Republican National Convention wearing a MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN hat. But you don't just go to that to catch Pokémon. If you went to Cleveland, Ohio from July 18 to July 21, you were going to participate at the convention by connecting with folks, voting for Donald Trump to make him the official Republican nominee, and listening to hours upon hours of speeches. You also got to participate in chants, such as “LOCK HER UP!” Audience participation!

So, what were the best moments? And will there be a videogame-related component in this article? (Yes. Multiple.)

I'm not going to do a play-by-play night-by-night, but there were four themes corresponding to the four nights:
  1. Make America Safe Again
  2. Make America Work Again
  3. Make America First Again
  4. Make America One Again

Make America Safe Again was actually on-topic. There were a bunch of people from the Benghazi incident, and everyone was bashing Hillary Clinton. Good.

And then Lieutenant General Michael Flynn spoke at the end of that first night and absolutely terrified the world. And me. I was literally crying in horror throughout the speech. He's like a drill sergeant from hell. That's not a good convention speaker. It's like if “One Winged Angel”'s melody was personified into a public speaker.

Michael Flynn Lt. General Republican National Convention RNC 2016 scary speech sergeant
Ghastly rambling. He only smiled once in 26.5 minutes. Easily the worst speech.

SO. After Night 1, no one really cared about what the night's topics were. Tuesday featured Ben Carson talking a LOT faster and coherently than when you saw him in the debates, but I can't recall what he actually said.

Wednesday was notable because of Ted Cruz, another former presidential candidate. However, unlike Ben Carson, Cruz wasn't there on friendly terms. He REFUSED to endorse Donald Trump, and departed his pre-vetted teleprompter script. Basically, Ted Cruz showed up to Donald Trump's convention without any intention to support Donald Trump, and was allowed in on false pretenses.

Remember the audience participation? Now you chant your displeasure. “ENDORSE TRUMP!” And the classic “BOO!!”

To attempt to fix things, Vice Presidential Candidate Mike Pence appeared. How do you diffuse a tough situation? Pence went all karaoke and sang Mike's Song!

Mike's Song is great for getting your spirits up — I know from looping it while cranking out an article one time.

As for Thursday? I thought the stand-out was Pastor Mark Burns.

Pastor Mark Burns Donald Trump Republican National Convention RNC 2016 speech high energy black
Watch his amazing high-energy speech here. All denominations welcome.

Throughout the event, Trump family members all had speeches. They were all fantastic (except Tiffany Trump). Donald's was certainly better than his... bad E3 2016 speech.

You can check out Trump's full speech over here, and perhaps you should. It's just really long, as you might expect from an acceptance speech.

Donald Trump himself was really cool throughout the convention. Whether it be appearing as a silhouette (see below), suddenly appearing in a video stream, conveniently flying in as Ted Cruz is crap-talking him, or commanding the attention of the thousands and thousands of those in the crowd, Trump was given almighty status.

Donald Trump declared that he is fighting for you, and that he is your voice. He listed a ton of different groups of people, but it pretty much included the majority of people. Good, since he only needs a majority to win.

KoopaTV identified one such Trump supporter that has been part of the Trump fan base since the beginning: Waddle Dee.

Waddle Dee plushie Make America Great Again hat
Waddle Dee is a natural fit of the Donald Trump constituency. And not just because they're both orange.

You see, Waddle Dee is a hard worker in Popstar. He just wants to provide for his family.

Unfortunately, one day, an illegal alien named Kirby crashed onto the scene from another planet. After that, Kirby took Waddle Dee's job in Popstar, and Waddle Dee became out of work.

Kirby Right Back at Ya Hoshi no Kaabii Warpstar starship Popstar illegal immigration alien first episode
It will be SO high, no spaceships will go through!

Illegal aliens such as Kirby are bringing crime to Popstar, with a massive surge of terrorist monster attacks on Popstar since he has shown up. Kirby has also murdered many denizens of Planet Popstar. Waddle Dee realises this.

Waddle Dee's top concerns are the economy and terrorism. Those represent the livelihood of him and his family — you need to not be killed to survive, and you also need to purchase basic necessities. However, Kirby's taken down Waddle Dee's economy, and is responsible for the large up-tick in terrorism. Donald J. Trump's two core issues that he's been talking about throughout the campaign (and his acceptance speech at DonCon) are the economy and terrorism (safety), and how illegal immigration is connected to both.

It makes perfect sense that Waddle Dee would be supporting Trump. Deport Kirby! Make Popstar Great Again! Or America. Whatever.

If Donald Trump had his way, the events of this week will have brought many more people to his fold. They would join Waddle Dee. ...Will YOU?

KoopaTV will be covering ClinCon next week, because KoopaTV is Fair & Balanced! Though Hillary Clinton's campaign lacks iconic headgear, so it may be a challenge to be as inspiring.

Here is the ClinCon Experience, covered in a Fair & Balanced way!
KoopaTV has now endorsed Donald Trump for president!
You can chant LOCK HER UP all you want, but President Donald Trump has not done so.
President Donald John Trump has another DonCon Experience, this time in 2020. He now has an actual record to run on!


  1. People have been falsely comparing President Haltmann in Kirby: Planet Robobot to Trump when he's the actual hero that Popstar needed. He mechanized the planet into an age of innovation and prosperity never seen before in the Kirby universe. If it wasn't for the pink deadly terrorist, Popstar would be in a much better and safer place.

    1. Is that a false comparison if Trump would be a hero as well?


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