Riding on Stoutland in Pokémon Sun and Moon? And Tapu Koko revealed.

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - And a lot of other stuff.

As I said would happen, today The Pokémon Company International has a bunch of news regarding brand-new Alola Pokémon! ...Well, most are brand new.

Here, watch their video:

And check out the official website. That video didn't have Rockruff (a rock-type Lillipup) or Komala (a Cubchoo that wiped its nose, stole Timburr's log, and went to sleep. Don't believe me? Look towards the bottom of this article). 

They also formally revealed Tapu Koko, which astute E3-watchers and KoopaTV readers may remember as that deity the starting island people had a festival for.

Wait, what's that old man Hala doing there? Has he captured Tapu Koko?!

Tapu Koko has a new ability, Electric Surge that actually is new for abilities, unlike the cover legendaries Solgaleo and Lunaala. It's the move Electric Terrain but as an Ability. If you're not aware of all the obscure Electric-type moves introduced in Gen VI, that means Electric moves are stronger (for dudes on the ground) and you can't have the Sleep condition. In other words, Tapu Koko is going to have super-strong Electric moves.

Hala is operating a rigged betting game if Tapu Koko is his Pokémon.

There are other announced Electric types, including Charjabug (a sentient battery) and its evolution, Vikavolt. Vikavolt actually uses Charjabug as a reserve battery but drops it faster than Mario jumps off a Yoshi over a bottomless pit if Vikavolt needs less weight. Personally, I'm weary of anything that has a syllable rhyming with “Zika.”

There is also Bruxish. It's a Water and Psychic type. It looks funny. I don't really care for it at all, but RawkHawk2010 thinks it's hilarious:

(Or at least, he put together a video of Bruxish with the voiceover of a completely different other dude reacting to a completely different other thing.)

There is also Drampa the Normal/Dragon type. Drampa can get Berserk if its HP falls below 50%, raising its Special Attack by a stage. It works for flavour because according to the website:

“Drampa are especially gentle with children and often appear at schools and parks where children gather.

While Drampa is usually a very gentle Pokémon, it can fly into a rage if a child it cares for is hurt in some way. The Dragon Breath move that it fires off at such times is powerful enough to blow down buildings!”

Drampa is an old dude that hangs out with kids, and wants to blow down buildings?

And his trailer video is against Yungoos, widely recognised as Donald Trump as a Pokémon?

Drampa's name is obviously Dragon + Grampa.

I think Drampa is the Pokémon version of Bernie Sanders. Fun-looking old man who hangs out with children — being his voting base. I mean, all of his rallies took place at schools! But he hides a vicious side — look at how he tore apart Hillary Clinton (and Trump) on KoopaTV! Plus, he clearly has a grudge against Trump, hence why he wants to blow down buildings. Trump is an expert in construction. ...He better up the insurance policy on Trump Tower!

Komala's “log pillow” looks like a third-party DK Bongo.

Last thing that we need to talk about for this article is the fact that the official website has this picture of a human riding a Stoutland as a “cool feature” that is “new.”

What is this madness?!

This is an insult to KoopaTV hero Robert E. Stoutland from the hit game Capture the Confederate Flag. Robert is not the steed of any human! In fact, he rides other Pokémon, as you'd experience if you played through the game.

How the hell does it even make sense to ride a Stoutland? Why not a Rapidash? Or something native to Alola? Why not the Rockruff? And what is that thing around Stoutland's neck? A collar? What is he, a slave? Robert E. Stoutland emancipated all of his slaves!

It's quite insulting.

The proper hierarchy: Stoutland rides Metagross. Metagross summons a Rapidash minion.
(Rapidash ultimately attacks a human, the most lowly creature.)

KoopaTV plans to put together a strategy guide for Capture the Confederate Flag sometime this summer. You should play it for yourself with or without the guide — the game is exclusively on KoopaTV! What is your favourite recently-announced Pokémon? Ludwig's is Komala, despite him not caring about Cubchoo. Rowlet is still his favourite Pokémon of Gen 7, though!


For Ludwig gushing over Rowlet upon Rowlet's announcement, click here. 
Capture the Confederate Flag won Best PC Game of 2015, and Robert E. Lillipup won Best New Character of 2015.
Less than three weeks after this, six new Pokémon. Including a real horse.
The Pokémon you will be riding on aren't owned by you. They're wild!
We now know the other deities for the other three islands!
Check out the full details of the Capture the Confederate Flag usage of horses in the strategy guide!
Komala returns to represent a presidential candidate, and since it's a Democrat, Komala is presented with less flattery.