Lizard Squad's Julius Kivimaki — No Justice, No Peace?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You guys remember our scaly squad friends, right?

We haven't heard from Lizard Squad since Christmas, so I haven't commentated on them since. I'm sure they've done things, but I haven't heard about those things. But now that George Zimmerman has been quiet since nearly being assassinated, we can finally hear about what other people are doing with their lives.

These other folk include cyber-terrorists like Lizard Squad, which is a ragtag group of terrorists that Vortexica claimed was Russian based on their top-level-domain. (And we all know from experience that those domains don't mean anything.) They're notable for being a bunch of Nintendo fans who brought Microsoft and Sony's console gaming online networks to their knees (or whatever servers have for anatomy), among non-gaming targets. Or maybe they're just friendly towards Nintendo and are just terrorists in general, like Elliot Rodger.

Anyway, Julius Kivimaki — from Finland, not Russia — was identified as a key member of the Lizard Squad, though it may continue without him. He also looks distinctly non-lizard-like, and actually looks like The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess's Zant: 
 

Thanks, SkyNews!

He was charged and convicted of over 50,000 hacking crimes (he has quite the history without Lizard Squad), and was sentenced to two years "suspended sentence" and some property forfeiture. Basically, he's gonna be monitored by the authorities for a bit to make sure he doesn't return to criminal activities. Meanwhile, in America, non-criminals' web activities were monitored without a specific warrant! (Which Rand Paul tried to put a stop to.)

Basically, a lot of people are concerned that this will embolden hackers and punks like him who feel like they can get away with being cybercriminal assholes. Oh, and the younger the better, since Kivimaki was only charged for crimes he did while he was 15-16 years old. What sort of message does that send to our youth? "Go be a real go-getter at a young age and you can get away with blatantly criminal activity!"

(Don't you dare remark on my own family history. King Dad isn't a terrorist!)

So yeah, this guy was also involved in "swatting", or the practice of directing SWAT teams with scary guns to your house on the basis of a fabricated tale of danger, even though in reality you did nothing wrong. It wastes time and it's really scary, but twisted people find it amusing to do. It's also apparently common among overly-obsessed videogamers. Are you being beaten in an online game? Why, call the SWAT team on your opponent! Instant-win! (You can't do this in local multiplayer, so that's one reason it's better.)

It's so common that someone "swatted" the guy who took the www.koopatv.com domain before we did.

...We had no involvement in that!

So yeah, this Julius Kivimaki guy is a jerk, and his small sentence is encouraging more jerks. I mean, it's the dream of every idiot teenager to become famous, right? We're talking about him, so that must mean he's in the big leagues now! There's little risk and it's pretty easy to join a hacking group now and figure out how to do it if you're creepy enough.

And given the way society is going, there are plenty of these creeps out there. And some just happen to belong to the Nintendo fanbase.


Many of KoopaTV's critics would argue that KoopaTV's staff falls under the creepy male sector within the Nintendo fanbase. KoopaTV vehemently denies these charges, and you should deny them on KoopaTV's behalf!
 

The first step to swat is to dox, and that's something being promoted at a presidential level.