Nintendo Doesn't Care About Mobile App Support

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...And then I get a “new” phone. Plus, a tangent to remember.

You may remember the rant at the beginning of this month about how Nintendo, among other gaming hardware companies, is requiring an external mobile app for full functionality to use their supposedly all-in-one gaming systems. If you got through the article, you learned that I actually do own a smartphone... but it's so old (a Samsung Galaxy S3), that it's incompatible with those gaming company mobile apps.

That includes the Nintendo Switch Online app, which used to be compatible until it got an “upgrade” for Smash World, the content-sharing Super Smash Bros. Ultimate section. I'm particularly puzzled for why Nintendo couldn't incorporate Smash World without increasing the minimum-required Android version, but more technologically-complicated apps like Facebook and YouTube are backwards compatible.

In my curiosity to get an answer to this question, I went and e-mailed the provided Nintendo mobile support e-mail address, NintendoSwitch_NintendoSwitchOnlineApp@mobile-support.nintendo.co.jp:

“Hello,

I own an Android smartphone that can only go up to Android version 4.4.2 and I used to be able to use the Nintendo Switch Online app, mostly for the Splatoon 2 portion. Now I know that it's been updated in April with Super Smash Bros. Ultimate content, and now the whole app requires Android version 5.0 or up to use.

Is there any particular reason why the new update requires a more recent Android OS, and what's stopping usage from an earlier version? Do you have any advice for me?

Thanks,

Ludwig Von Koopa
KoopaTV
https://www.koopatv.org” 

I got a quick reply from Nintendo. Here's their response:

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Verson 3.1.0 Released: Virtual Reality, amiibo Journeys, Pichu Nerfed!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I think it's a solid patch overall.

Sometimes I like to write hard-hitting editorials on the pressing gaming issues of the day, and I have a backlog of those to talk about. Other times, I geek out over patch notes. This article is more of the latter, though I get that's probably not why you come to KoopaTV. I'll be sure to litter this article with references to other things if that's what'll keep you amused.

Anyway, tonight version 3.1.0 of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate for Nintendo Switch dropped, with a variety of new features. Chief among them, unfortunately, is compatibility with the demonic Nintendo Labo VR Kit, which has the boring and disorienting feature of letting you move the camera around during play. Here's the official Nintendo video about it:
 

You may remember that Nintendo invented the Nintendo Labo VR Kit to try to make virtual reality more fun and social. I'm pleased to report that the VR mode is a single-player experience only, thus rendering it not social in addition to not fun. Great work.

Of greater interest is that amiibos now have a greater role in the game. In fact, they can now go on journeys like this:

Death Stranding Release Date Announced; What The Game Actually Is Remains Unknown

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I almost put scare-quotes around game in the headline.

We have seen a lot of talk about Death Stranding for years now, but I can summarise it this way: Death Stranding has long since stranded our ability to understand what it is. I think that's intentional. That's cool to generate immediate interest in the game—being very vague, confusing, and open-ended will get you a lot of attention, as displayed just yesterday—but it's been three years now. 

1. First with Sony's E3 2016 where I thought Norman Reedus existed because Hideo Kojima has a nude man on a beach fantasy.
2. Second is The Game Awards 2017 where the staff was reviled by the content of that creepy trailer that had dissolving dudes, a baby, and Bill Nye the Science Guy.
3. Third is Sony's E3 2018 where we finally got gameplay of Death Stranding and it featured a lot of walking in empty environments. With a fetus baby.

For all of those we were confused and weirded out. Kojima Productions is in business to produce games, however, and people generally need to know what the game is before they'll buy it. And it needs to actually release. So here's a nine-minute age-restricted trailer with the release date of Death Stranding, November 8, 2019:

Here's my reaction to that trailer, in picture form:

KoopaTV's Pokémon 2019 Press Conference Live Reactions!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Hey, we're the press. This conference is for us!

Note: Everything written before the actual reaction log begins was written before the Pokémon 2019 Press Conference started. I just want to get my expectations on the record. And I have low expectations, even if The Pokémon Company International claims,

“The press conference is expected to cover a number of topics of interest to Pokémon fans.” 

The official Twitter account ran by The Pokémon Company International claims,

“You don’t want to miss this.”

The last time I paid attention to an unmissable corporate presentation was CAPCOM claiming that Ace Attorney fans can't miss news at the 2018 Tokyo Game Show that brought news of yet another Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy port.

Anyway, we don't have to look to other companies for comparison. We have history. There was a conference at exactly this time last year from Pokémon folks. It brought us an announcement and simultaneous release of Pokémon Quest, extensive information and announcement of Pokémon Let's Go, Pikachu! and Pokémon Let's Go, Eevee!, and a very brief word that GAME FREAK is still working on a mainline Pokémon RPG for Nintendo Switch, which was later revealed three months ago to be Pokémon Sword and Pokémon Shield.

In other words, last year's conference was a terrible series of announcements that focused on pandering to Kanto with a very casual audience. I expect more Kanto pandering in this conference. Maybe some Johto pandering. Perhaps we'll have “Pokémon Let's Go, Pichu!” and “Pokémon Let's Go, Marill!”. If there's a spin-off announced that's something I'll smile about (like a Gen 8 Pokémon Mystery Dungeon game), we won't get any gameplay screenshots of it, because it'll be released after Sword and Shield, and obviously they can't reveal things.

Alright, time to watch the conference and see how well my expectations were matched! For some reason, the other staffers ditched me and made me solo-react to this. Twerps.

Memorial to Durable Product Quality; They Don't Make 'Em Like They Used To

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Planned obsolescence is a scourge on consumers.

Once upon a time, the products you bought weren't crap. Durable goods were durable. They lasted you a while. If someone gave you a crap product, you knew where they lived and you could speak your mind without being treated like an intruding domestic terrorist. Good times.

The world is a different place now. Durable good makers (at least in the United States) realised a long time ago that if they cheapened out the products, you'd buy them more often and they'd get a steadier stream of revenue. I believe you can thank General Motors and the automobile industry for that, but it caught on worldwide. Nowadays, manufacturers have simulation software that allows them to very accurately plan the lifespan of their products. Too long and they can cheapen it out by changing product material type or quantity.

Incompetence isn't an excuse. With the affordable resources out there for companies, you should assume non-durable product quality is intentional.

A side effect is that the environment gets to suffer with a bunch of clutter. Instead of one durable good that can last you a decade, you get ten that last you one year! How do you dispose of the failed ones? Landfill... closet... who knows. But it's hard to recycle and get rid of this stuff, especially for consumer electronics. 

Since this is KoopaTV, a story about the gaming industry, I of course have mostly consumer electronics-related examples. In this article, I'll write about Nintendo, Sennheiser, and My Pillow, and their failing product designs. By the way, for you long-time readers, that Sennheiser story is brand-new.

Sonic The Hedgehog 2019 Movie Now In 2020; Town Got a New Screenshot

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Tale of two opposites.

This morning, Sonic the Hedgehog film director Jeff Fowler tweeted out that the movie, which was panned by many Internet mobs for the design of Sonic, will be delayed to February 14, 2020. This is several months after its original release date of November 8, 2019.

All of my previous screenshots of the Sonic the Hedgehog movie have a 2019 in the file name.
This just ruins everything.
At least no one is complaining about the design of Sonic's hand.

The reason is that Paramount Pictures is redesigning Sonic to try to salvage the movie's viability. The day of the redesign announcement, I wrote that the redesign would end up delaying the movie. Really obvious prediction, but not everyone believed me.

I told you so. You can't escape the basics of project management.

In fact, we still don't know how they'll improve Sonic's looks. But we do have that release date, and the basic information about the Sonic the Hedgehog movie should remain the same.

Contrast that to the other minor news of the week: Town, the upcoming (when?) Nintendo Switch RPG developed by GAME FREAK got a new screenshot revealed to the public by the Famitsu magazine. What super-informative revelation is contained in it? 

Troubled Turtle Tilts 'n' Tumbles into South Carolina Windshield

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I had to give up my alliteration by the end of that headline, but I won't give up my World Turtle Day advocacy!

An innocent turtle was minding its own business on U.S. Highway 501 in the American state of South Carolina. It was near Lake Busbee, a shallow lake recently rescued from a pollutant coal plant. Decent place for a turtle to hang out.

That is, until a very dangerous and careless human truck driver collided into the poor turtle, sending the turtle flying into the car windshield operated by Mr. John Gardner, another human. The turtle instantly died. Typical evil cars.

But all the human-operated Associated Press had to offer were heartless puns like “shell shock.”

Stop Begging For Pokémon Sword and Shield News

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Unless you enjoyed the pre-release spoiling of Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon.

Around this time three years ago, The Pokémon Company International (TPCI) decided it would be a great idea to begin their pre-release hype for Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon. After the E3 2016 showcase, they basically slow-walked all of the new Alolan Pokémon and features every other week (sometimes more often than that) for the whole summer, and then up to the November release. By November's release, we basically knew everything about the game and there weren't any surprises left for the in-game experience.

KoopaTV covered it all, on the philosophy that it's not a real spoiler if it's part of the game publisher's own marketing. They want us to know this stuff. It's purposeful knowledge going into the game purchase and pre-release value. As opposed to spoilers, which are involuntary and not part of the marketing department's carefully-crafted knowledge drop schedules. The summer of 2016 will forever be known as the summer where KoopaTV subsisted on commentating on official Pokémon Sun, Pokémon Moon, and Paper Mario: Color Splash announcements and videos. Sometimes there was also commentary about the 2016 presidential election, but that was pretty much the website. I consider it a not-so-great time in our history, but maybe you enjoyed it. More power to you if you did.

And if you did enjoy it, you're probably one of those people begging for a repeat performance, this time with Pokémon Sword and Pokémon Shield instead.

Why? Why would you want that?

Phil Spencer and Games as a Unifying Force

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Some reactionaries are upset that Microsoft wants Xbox to be safe.

Yesterday, Microsoft published an op-ed in Xbox head Phil Spencer's name, entitled “Video games: A unifying force for the world”. The post outlines Microsoft's commitment to “building a safe and inclusive gaming space for everyone”. I don't really know what the impetus of the post is—Microsoft updated their Code of Conduct over a year ago and it was no big deal (contrary to reactionary hysteria). I guess I can't judge ‘em, since KoopaTV is untimely all the time.

Perhaps it was spurred by the ESA's recently released 2019 Essential Facts survey, since Microsoft indirectly cites their high-level (and misleading, especially given that Xbox doesn't have casual smartphone-player demographics) conclusions about gender and game playing. Maybe Phil Spencer got really excited about how Microsoft collaborated with the Special Olympics, especially when he wrote that, in terms of games, disabled people stand on equal footing with non-disabled people. (Sincerest good luck to the disabled in trying to play complicated games.)

The op-ed boils down to these three action items:

1. The Xbox Safety team will moderate the Xbox ecosystem, per the code of conduct/community standards
2. Club community managers and parents will be able to curate member/children experiences
3. Microsoft will share safety, security, and privacy best practices with other game industry companies

None of that is objectionable and it's really standard stuff. But some people are certainly taking it the wrong way...

Democrats on Fox News Town Halls: Buttigieg vs. Warren

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - False narrative from a fraud.

A KoopaTV exclusive: what I did on Sunday, and my thoughts on those activities:

1. Woke up in time to watch the 10 AM live news broadcast anchored by Off the Hook for the Splatoon 2 Time Travel vs. Teleportation Splatfest results. Very pleased that Team Teleportation won 0–3. Proceeded to gloat to everyone
• Teleportation had 58.66% of the popularity vote, no doubt because of KoopaTV's lobbying for it. Supposedly, Nintendo fans are supposed to be accustomed to being time travelers, so KoopaTV's arguments must have shifted quite a big percentage change!
2. Watched the Super Smash Bros. Melee top 8 for Get On My Level 2019 (GOML 2019), a premier Super Smash Bros. tournament taking place in Canada
• Axe had an amazing run with his Pikachu up-airs. Very hype
• Hungrybox hasn't been the same since the crab incident
3. Watched three Fox News Channel specials
1. Democrat 2020 presidential candidate (and mayor of South Bend, Indiana) Pete Buttigieg's town hall, hosted by Fox News host Chris Wallace
• I still don't know what his specific policies are; a lot of it was vague platitudes or Buttigieg recognising something is a problem but not quite identifying a solution for it yet
• At least he said that Democrats shouldn't shy away from suggesting how to pay for their proposals, though his suggestions seem economically dangerous
• At least I can see him as more than the “vote for me because I'm gay” meme. There's a bit more depth than that
2. Alice Johnson's story and prison reform in the United States under President Donald John Trump
• What are the chances of people having their prison sentences addressed in a fair and equitable way without having a mega-celebrity like Kim Kardashian have a personal meeting with the President of the United States about one specific person?
• Does the FIRST STEP Act take measures to standardise this process? If not, is anyone working on taking a second step? It's not reform if it's a one-off
3. Interview with President Donald John Trump with The Next Revolution's Steve Hilton 
• If President Donald John Trump is willing to call out the “military-industrial complex” and express his dismay at the foreign policy establishment's desire to have perpetual pointless overseas warfare, why did he appoint John Bolton (Iraq War mastermind) as his National Security Advisor to begin with? 

Then I slept. When I woke up, I figured I'd write about the Pete Buttigieg town hall—specifically his willingness to do the event—and contrast that with another Democrat 2020 presidential candidate, Elizabeth Warren, and her utter refusal to ever appear on Fox News.

As well as Elizabeth Warren's refusal to provide any statement to KoopaTV.