Whatever the hell a Beyoncé is, keep it away from Nintendo!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I DON'T want Nintendo experimenting like this.

I don't want to hear your justifications for it. “Nintendo is trying to be edgier!” “Stop being a prude, Ludwig!” “You should be proud that Nintendo is pushing its envelope! Doesn't KoopaTV do that?” “This isn't even Nintendo; it's Ubisoft!”

I hesitate to actually embed this on my website. So I won't. I'll hyperlink to it. With a nofollow tag on the hyperlink. That'll show them. If you're brave enough, then see if you can survive the whole 66 seconds:

Just Dance Unlimited: Naughty Girl by Beyoncé - Official Gameplay Trailer - Nintendo Switch 

Since you're on KoopaTV to begin with, you probably don't value your own sanity that highly. Still, I'll try my best to describe what happened: In some apparent advertisement for Just Dance 2018 (and the game-streaming subscription service, Just Dance Unlimited), Nintendo and Ubisoft made and/or approved of a terrifying video of the #SASSY #NOFILTER Rabbid Peach from that awful Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle game that should've never progressed past being FAKE NEWS.

As you might expect for an advertisement for a bad dancing game, it's Rabbid Peach dancing to music I've never heard of. Apparently, it's from something called a “Beyoncé”, and that entity is quite popular on Earth. It's totally unknown to me why, because its song is atrocious to listen to.

Experience for yourself the Russian-American MISSILE Arms Race in this FREE BROWSER GAME!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Play Soviet Missile Run right here on KoopaTV!

The news cycle is moving so ridiculously fast — there are many events that I should be opining on but haven't gotten the chance to — but it's also important to look back on what has happened in the past to see how everyone got to the present situation.

That's... sort of what President Donald John Trump did in this tweet regarding the United States of America's current diplomatic relationship with Russia, as much as the normally non-reflective President can:

Our relationship with Russia is worse now than it has ever been, and that includes the Cold War. There is no reason for this. Russia needs us to help with their economy, something that would be very easy to do, and we need all nations to work together. Stop the arms race?

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 11, 2018

 
Just so you understand just how bad the relationships are right now, forty minutes earlier, the President tweeted this:

Wii U — Consumer-friendly failure. Nintendo Switch — the opposite!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The market doesn't support consumer-friendly measures, I guess.

Here is a radical idea: Nintendo went from a very consumer-friendly console in the Wii U to one that... is decidedly less so, with the Nintendo Switch. The result? The Switch, last we checked, is stomping the Wii U's lifetime sales in its first year. Can't wait for Nintendo's annual report at the end of this April!

It's something I thought of as I was finally returning my Wii to its original packaging this weekend (consider it a grave), instead of having it sit around for years unconnected to anything and just collecting dust and taking up space. There are all of these Wii Remotes laying around, and if you go back all the way to Nintendo Land, you can see what Nintendo was trying to do. Since they sold a hundred million Wii consoles, and some multiple of that in Wii Remotes, then Nintendo would have a huge hardware and accessory base to work from for their next console.

And so they made the Wii U, which set out to have asymmetric gameplay experiences as its core selling point. Nintendo Land was supposed to sell that concept to the market place, bundled with every Wii U. The Wii U GamePad in conjunction with all the Wii Remotes out there would enable those experiences, and it was sort of correctly assumed that everyone in the world would have a bunch of spare Wii Remotes to work with. You didn't have to buy any new controllers!

Nintendo made a big mistake, though...

Reunion, and Turnabout Anime CONTRADICTIONS! Justice For All?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Let's focus on the Ace Attorney anime.

In one month, Funimation will release part two of season one of the Ace Attorney anime on Blu-Ray/DVD, featuring the plot of Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Justice For All.

If you can't wait, or you just want to watch some free Ace Attorney content, you can go ahead and watch Episodes 14 and 15 (alternatively known as the first two episodes of part two of season one) on Funimation's website. Here is Episode 14, or Reunion and Turnabout — First Trial. Here is Episode 15, or Reunion and Turnabout — Second Trial.

(That first trial episode actually has no court case taking place at all! It's, as Dr. Turner Grey would say... FAKE NEWS!)

But the contradictions don't end there. No, they occur within the trial itself. There are plot holes much bigger than the mere bullet holes in the Kurain channeling costume's sleeves! (And folding screen.)

We might finally understand what Travis Strikes Again: No More Heroes is

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - A forced fusion of ideas featuring Travis Touchdown.

You know, it took over one whole year since Travis Strikes Again: No More Heroes was announced, but I think we — and Suda51 — finally understand what the game actually is.

The Wikipedia article for Travis Strikes Again helps clarify things, as does Suda51's comments on his guest appearance on Nintendo Minute:

(I did you a favour and started the embed right when Suda51 appears so you can skip all the other indie stuff, though indie stuff is highly relevant to understanding Travis Strikes Again.)

What is most relevant to understanding Travis Strikes Again is that it is not a “No More Heroes 3”, but it may be used to judge the demand on the Nintendo Switch (or anywhere) for a “No More Heroes 3.”

The Detective Pikachu Demo Thinks You're Dumb

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The only thing dumb is the game. You're just fine.

Today, Nintendo released the Creatures Inc-developed Detective Pikachu Special Demo Version. They want you to download it, and apparently your progress transfers over to the full game if you choose to buy it. It's unclear what makes this demo special — it's the only demo on the eShop for Detective Pikachu, so any adjectives are superfluous. (It's 1767 blocks on the Nintendo 3DS eShop, or 221 MB.)

You'll have to deal with my camera quality with these pictures.
...Not that Detective Pikachu has great graphics anyway.

 
I just wrote about how, prior to the release of Detective Pikachu, I didn't understand how anyone could understand its appeal other than SAG-AFTRA members.

Now that I've played through the demo, what do I think of it? ...Well, like the game's actual plot, this isn't even going to be a post-page-break plot twist: Detective Pikachu is not good.

ARMS Got Insight From Mario Kart 8, But... Is That Tenuous?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Mr. Yabuki was committing clickbait at GDC.

Mr. Yabuki, otherwise known as Kosuke Yabuki, producer of ARMS and also destroyer of Zerk in E3 2017, spoke at the Game Developers Conference 2018 to talk about ARMS in his session, “ARMS: Building Mario Kart 8 Insights into a Showcase Nintendo Switch Fighter”. (Watch it at the GDC Vault for free by clicking there.) Mr.Yabuki is not a no-name Nintendo guy — aside from directing Mario Kart 8, he also directed Mario Kart 7. He knows all about the Mario Kart series.

Still... I always thought that ARMS was designed to be a fighting game version of Splatoon, given all the similarities pointed out in the ARMS Direct that featured Splatoon 2 at the end. But Mr. Yabuki is telling everyone it came from Mario Kart 8.

I'll go through his presentation and give my thoughts.

The first thing Mr. Yabuki said is that Nintendo has a lot of prototypes of different game ideas, and one of those was, “What would a behind-the-fighter camera in a fighting game be like?” Most fighting games are 2D, like Street Fighter or Super Smash Bros.. The reason for that is that it's easy to judge the distance between your attacks and your opponent, but in 3D it's harder. You don't know if your attacks will connect, and people might go and never approach one another.

But... what if your attacks are guaranteed to reach?

Splatfest: Individualistic Baseball vs. Collectivist Soccer

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Splatoon 2 just wants to know your favourite sport, but I turn it into philosophy.

Like WSB Radio, people don't tune into KoopaTV to hear sports talk. No one reading this knows that reference, do you?

Similarly, I don't think anyone reading this has a real personal stake in the differences between baseball and soccer. I've made up my mind on the question a long time ago — baseball, by far.

So when Splatoon 2 (in North America only — if this question was in Europe, people would respond very differently) is asking which sport you like more, baseball or soccer, for the Splatfest happening this Saturday (April 7, 2018), I sided with Team Baseball without hesitation.

Check it:

“Which sport do you prefer? Baseball or soccer?”

Why am I so strongly on Team Baseball, and similarly so against Team Soccer? It comes down to how each game is constructed, along with personal experiences with the sports — both in gaming and in real life. Allow me to explain some of that.

KoopaTV's March 2018 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - This answers what is going to happen with KoopaTV and KoopaTV's stuff.

After yesterday's proclamation, even though it happened on April 1 and not in March, it's probably best to talk about it to start this March 2018 newsletter.

The Fate of KoopaTV and LaboTV

Yesterday (on a SUNDAY, so you know something is unusual), there was an article published by what appeared to be King Bowser Koopa, describing how KoopaTV would be ending, to be replaced by a new website, LaboTV.

For the Sunday, KoopaTV was in this scary cardboard brown colour, which was presumably the LaboTV colour scheme:

(The LaboTV logo was pretty cool, though.)

It turns out that this change in strategy did NOT come from our chief executive, King Bowser Koopa. It came from a cardboard imposter, Trojan Bowser!

Could it be that the forces of cardboard are teaming up to try to take over the Internet in order to promote the Nintendo Labo? Well, while we could not get in touch with the real King Bowser, we can be assured that Trojan Bowser is nothing but a fake.

That does leave the question of whether or not LaboTV would be much more successful than KoopaTV is, though. We're pretty sure the way we said we'd set up LaboTV would appeal to a much broader audience than KoopaTV does. That said...

Launching LaboTV!

By TROJAN BOWSER - What was known as KoopaTV is fully transitioning to LaboTV.

Koopa Kingdom is proud to announce the best Internet hub in the world for all things Nintendo Labo: LaboTV.

The Nintendo Labo is releasing to the world this April 20th, and LaboTV wants to be there at the forefront. In the coming weeks, we'll change this domain name (www.KoopaTV.org) to www.LaboTV.org, and the staff will have awesome new sections to the site. 

Already, you can see LaboTV's new logo, and the new color scheme/layout:

LaboTV's logo!

LaboTV will formally launch when the Nintendo Labo does, on April 20th. LaboTV will be updated as often as there is content to update it with. Until then, look forward to...

Nintendo Labo News

LaboTV will keep you in the know for every bit of news that happens in the Labo world, straight from Nintendo! Or if any other company has news, then that will be just as valid, but also fact-checked.

Nintendo Labo Inventions

LaboTV will showcase your creativity by displaying the cool, novel uses for the Labo that you come up with! This includes the awesome things you'll make in the Toy-Con Garage.

Nintendo Labo Lifestyle

LaboTV is also very interested in how you use your Labo as a lifestyle decision. Are you raising your kids with Nintendo Labo? Have some cool pictures or videos with you using your Labo? Anything with you and the Labo, we want to know about!

Nintendo Labo Software Strategy Guides

For the software that comes with the Nintendo Labo Kits, LaboTV will dissect everything you can do in these interactive experiences, as well as any optimal decisions you may need to make.

These guides will be multimedia — text, pictures, and yes, videos.

Nintendo Labo CAD Repository

Broke your cardboard? Well, LaboTV will take submissions for any CAD (computer-aided design) files you may wish to share. LaboTV is agnostic as to what file formats you submit, but neutral STEP or IGES files will likely have the most impact with the general audience. With those, you could even 3D-print a good-as-new Labo!

LaboTV is even prepared to compensate you for your designs!

LaboTV Discord

We thought about converting KoopaTV's Intranet website and old forum, Planet Koopa, into a LaboTV forum for all of you to enjoy, but forums are on their way out anyway. We will be opening a public LaboTV Discord server once LaboTV opens because we want to be the premier Nintendo Labo community, and Discord servers are the modern way of doing that.

What About KoopaTV?

KoopaTV's staff will be moving full-time to support LaboTV. When I write full-time, I mean it. LaboTV will be funded by a Patreon, as well as advertisements. We anticipate a LOT more traffic —  traffic that can be monetized — with LaboTV than we ever did KoopaTV, so it will actually be able to self-sustain without infusions of capital from Koopa Kingdom's treasury. We hope to be able to support your love of Labo.

KoopaTV's articles will be archived on a read-only domain once it becomes May 6th. The KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program Round 19 will be allowed to conclude at the end of April and its winner will be honored with the prize, the $10 Nintendo eShop code. The KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program will then conclude, and LaboTV does not plan to have a comparable replacement.

The Last Word

We're going all-in with the Nintendo Labo with LaboTV. It's a new chapter in the staff's lives, and we hope you'll enjoy LaboTV as much as we will.


These footers won't exist on LaboTV articles. Just a heads-up.


It turns out that Trojan Bowser is a cardboard imposter, and LaboTV isn't King Bowser's true wishes! LaboTV is canceled, and KoopaTV is saved!
Because of the unforgivable act of pretending to be King Bowser and trying to end KoopaTV, KoopaTV has declared war on the Nintendo Labo.
The Labo cannot build cardboard constructs where there aren't any. A whole group built TROJAN BOWSER.
It's time to go heavy weapons on the Labo.
We can conclusively prove that Labo and Mario are teamed up.
The Labo was responsible for a whole train outage.
The shipping industry is responsible for the proliferation of Labo into homes and businesses.
The real King Bowser would be responsible for the real shutting down of KoopaTV, though he wouldn't byline the article.