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Tuesday, February 1, 2022

KoopaTV's January 2022 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - What happened in round one of 2022?

You know what feels like a zillion years ago? Christmas 2021. January 2022 was just a very long month (and start of the new year, unless you believe in the supremacy of the Lunar New Year... in which case, now's the time!) that put a lot of distance between now and the end of 2021. So does that mean a lot happened in that time? That's what KoopaTV's January 2022 newsletter will attempt to review!

Top Five Recommended Experiences of January 2022


Of course, since this is KoopaTV, we look at what happened in a time period based on its KoopaTV articles. What do we do for eras before KoopaTV was founded? Uh... that depends! But anyway, here is a chronologically ordered list of the top five KoopaTV experiences published in January 2022:
  1. KoopaTV's GOTY 2021 Awards! — If you wanted to review what happened in 2021 as a whole, this is the place. ...And there's some good writing on my part behind these awards as well!
  2. Applying to Capcom Creators, and their unique terms and definitions — It seems like game publisher CAPCOM has gotten above and beyond in being inclusive in who they want in their new Creators programme... but they've excluded a key demographic that, of course, Ludwig is a part of...
  3. No new Spirit Events in Smash Bros? Evil Ryu calls that FAKE NEWS! — If there's an article that you ought to read, it's this one, because it's a rare KoopaTV apology article. We got this very wrong.
  4. Joe Biden Lifts Weight Restrictions from Bridges; Mario and Wario in bridge collapse "accident" — This crucial infrastructure-related article examines what fate is likely to come in the United States of America thanks to federal policy by looking at what's happened when those policies have been enacted in the world of Mario and Wario. It's a disaster. Literally.
  5. China's Surprise at Beijing 2022 Olympics Diplomatic Boycotts when they Anally Swab Diplomats — I certainly don't enjoy writing the word “anally” in KoopaTV articles (or anywhere else), but this is important information. You might lose social credit for reading this or enjoying the accompanying custom meme, however.

By the way, I never applied to Capcom Creators, but I have seen many “content creators” (all of which are streamers and none of which are writers like me) celebrate that they got accepted into it. I haven't seen anything about what happens AFTER they get in. Also, within days of publishing that bridges article, a bridge collapsed in Pittsburgh hours before President Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. was scheduled to give a speech there about infrastructure.

Anyway, all KoopaTV articles are worth reading, even if they didn't make it on this list!

Best Three Comments and One Worst Comment of January 2022


If you just read KoopaTV's articles... well, you're well ahead of the majority of your species. But the full KoopaTV experience involves your own commentary on our commentary! (And maybe even comment on one another's commentary.) So we're happy to highlight the best comments made in each month... and less happy to lowlight the worst comment as well:
  1. “Imagine comparing me to Marge of all people, one of the most common characters with blue hair. Seriously? You couldn’t think of anyone more creative? Didn’t think so, you’re not that creative yourself, it’s not your strong point bud, unlike your ego. And you think MY hair is bad bruuuuuhhhhhh you look like shit with your vampire bat wings lookin’ hair, it looking like the legs of a bug. Also why do you try acting all elegant yet come out with the kappa cut and the dark blue hair. And where is your HAIRLINE?! I know you didn’t go to a barber to get that done or else you’d have sued by now, looking like frosting. You really thought your moustache hair would save anything.
    As well with your huge tooth sticking out, you know damn well you’re never gonna be able to kiss anybody or drink from a straw without there being added holes in it. What the fuck did you chew to A, have that sharp of a tooth, and B, have ONLY ONE, you probably chew your own god damn nails. You look like one of those troll dolls had sex with Donatello, and they had a baby and gave it the stupidest name ever. Cartman's more charming then your tubby ass.” — Larry Koopa
  2. “"I can see Magnus McGilded as a PragerU speaker or something."

    Does this make Ashley Graydon a speaker for Gravel Institute?” — ShinyGirafarig
  3. “Genshin did make quite an impact, though.

    (I apologize for this comment.)” — Samantha Lienhard
In normal times, I'd give Larry's comments the worst comment of the month designation. But I think it's probably better that I get along with my siblings to start off the new year, right? So... I'll put his musings in the best comment spot. ...But I had no comment then and I continue to have no comment now on the content of what he had to say.

I think ShinyGirafarig and Samantha Lienhard both made very witty comments that I wanted further recognition for. To understand BOTH comments, you need to play The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles... and the article that Ms. Lienhard commented on was about how you needed to buy that game while it was on sale at the time. She was replying to another comment about Genshin Impact. Actually, ShinyGirafarig's comment was ALSO really replying to an article saying to buy The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles... Great game. You should buy it. There'll be more articles about this to come.

Since Larry's comment didn't get the worst comment “award” for January 2022, which comment did? Well, this one came at the last day of the month:
  1. “Guys just come two trenend and use there clone potion. It quantum clones all universe so no pop overgrowth and you can still buy a transquantum portal to meet with your clone irl or if not money can just play Minecraft withim ” — Anonymous
I have no idea what this guy is even trying to say. Maybe it was something that was trying to have both truth and levity... but it just turned out to be incoherent. He might've had good intentions. Who knows. But you gotta have some basic communication skills to be well-received in KoopaTV's comments section. I'm not really sure how you can use the word “transquantum” in a sentence but not know how to express a coherent thought. Well, maybe I am sure, since this was what my Don't Keep All Your Eggs in a STEM Basket article was about. You might be well-versed in enough scientific concepts to know what a transquantum portal is, but you aren't well-versed in the English language, and that's an obvious failing of the government school system.

KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program Round 42 Mid-Round Leaderboard


If you have a double-digit point value as of publishing, you get to appear in the below list! If your score is below that—and that describes a lot of people—your score isn't published below, but rest assured, you're still being tracked in our KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program Leaderboard!
  1. Captain Stitch — 37 points
  2. ShinyGirafarig — 18 points
  3. Lheticus Videre — 15 points
  4. Samantha Lienhard — 13 points
Reminder that the prize for Round 42 is a $10 Nintendo eShop card code, and that the prize is funded by yours truly. In 2021, all of the prizes were funded by Kamek (and they've all been distributed by now), but that's really because he owed me a debt and I suggested he pay it off to me in the form of funding the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program for a year... which comes out about equal to how much he owed me. We've given away prizes collectively worth many hundreds of dollars over the years, and 2022 will continue that.

So who will win the first prize of 2022? So far, it looks like Captain Stitch... but that can easily shift in February, since Round 42 began in January and ends at the end of February.

Corrections Corner; January 2022


Not counting that Evil Ryu Spirit Event article, there were no KoopaTV content corrections in January 2022. There was an attempt to point out an “agregious error” that apparently should qualify a typo, but the attempt is so laughable and self-defeating that I'm not going to consider it valid. Normally I wouldn't put such failed attempts in the newsletter, but in the spirit of spicing my health, I decided to opt for some variety.

Ring Fit Adventure Variety is the spice of health dialogue quote
I paraphrased this as Ring saying variety is the spice of life.
I think the spice of health and the spice of life are quite similar.
That's especially true when you consider what you lose when you're out of health points.



Share KoopaTV around to people you know to make an impact in their life! (Yours, too.) You could share it to randoms, but that's probably less likely to stick with them. Getting KoopaTV articles electronically mailed to your inbox is a great belated holiday gift.


For the last newsletter of 2021, click here.
For round two of 2022 (February 2022) and that newsletter, click this.
For the first newsletter of 2021 (January 2021, a year ago), click here.

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