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Friday, February 4, 2022

Ring Fit Adventure Fitness Log Week 62: The Three Shrieking Squat Sisters

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...Sisters being three Fit Skills. Not actual characters. I WISH there were characters in this mode.

Today (as of when this is published on KoopaTV Fitness Friday), the Beijing 2022 Olympic Winter Games has begun. Rather than being in China like I was in Japan for its 2021 Olympics, I'm at home working out in Ring Fit Adventure for no particular purpose other than that being fit is a good thing itself. Beijing is awful, and I don't want anything going up me.

This week, we're playing Ring Fit Adventure's World 62: Fitness Master Lv. 349, a continuation of last week's World 61: Fitness Master Lv. 344. World 62 is the Fitness Master version of Extra Fitness's World 39: Extra Fitness Lv. 243, which was notably boring in terms of dialogue and quite torturous in terms of physical activity. That's guaranteed to happen again in World 62, so let's get into it...

The week began on Sunday, January 30. Ring asked me in the opening which part of the body I'm most focused on, and to avoid the temptations of taking shortcuts and avoid testing my weaknesses. ...Wotever. Anyway, there are a LOT of courses in this world—and they are biased towards having Leg-Fit-Skill-weak enemies. I've maxed out the Titles (achievements) for every Legs offensive Fit Skill besides Overhead Squat and Wide Squat... and I have no intention of maxing those out. The first course is Wingflap Falls. The first enemy group is of five enemies, four of them Blue or Cobalt-coloured. Do I go for the five-range super-effective Overhead Squat? Nope. Two rounds of neutral-effective Standing Twists will clear them out. And faster (in-game-time and real life time) and without breaking a sweat. ...Alright, I acknowledge that I'm fully leaning into my temptation to take shortcuts and avoid testing my squat-based weaknesses. But you should be happy I'm doing the monster fights at all instead of just jumping over them.

Ring Fit Adventure World 62 dialogue best self acceptance adaptation setting focused goals
Why are we just now talking about this in World 62?

Which brings us to Flyover Pass, the next course. Much like a Northeast American coastal elitist flying from New England to California during the winter (not that I fault them given the blizzard that just pwned them), we flew much of this level in the snow and rain (which is purely aesthetic). Or used the Overhead Ring Pull pulleys. The next course was the Bank Balance (Advanced) Game Gym, which rewarded me a Deep Purple Smoothie for completion. Bank Balance (Advanced) is one of, if not the easiest Advanced-level minigame to get a perfect score on, and Deep Purple Smoothie is nice because it changes all of my Fit Skills to be blue-coloured (and increased Blue-colored Fit Skill attack power by ↑↑), which helps me avoid testing my weaknesses even more. Flyover Pass also gave me access to an overworld Treasure Chest containing another Garnet stone. Yay!

More importantly, it gave me access to a fourpack of courses to complete, which will be everything remaining on this first half of World 62's overworld map. First is a course: Scramble Wasteland. It reminds me of the canyon mountain ranges in The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild in the north... I might be thinking of Tanagar Canyon. I already feel stupid for wasting a lot of time exploring those for nothing, so I went through Scramble Wasteland quickly. ...Not entirely true in real time, since I took a while to look up the name of Tanagar Canyon. (I only found it because I remembered the Boom Bam Golf minigame.) Next is another minigame, but from Ring Fit Adventure: Squat Goals (Novice). Why novice? ...Because it's in FOG. ...And there's not even a REWARD for completing it besides world completion %. Very bad experience. The silver tokens you collect are the same colour as the fog. The bombs you need to avoid flash between red and no flash, which basically makes them invisible in the fog. Ugh. I barely managed to get the A rank minimum to pass.

Ring Fit Adventure Squat Goals novice fog invisible tokens bombs
I refuse to accept and adapt to the terrible game design of putting Squat Goals in a fog environment.
Foggy Squat Goals are not the kind of focused goals I want to set.
By the way, the screenshot has tokens and bombs in it. Can you see them?

To make matters worse, the next course is a Battle Gym. Also with no reward for completing it. Five monster waves long. But I did clear it in ten turns, and it gave me access to another overworld Treasure Chest containing 500 coins. I guess you could say that's reward enough? Now while I could do the next course—a miniboss—I will do that another day, if only because in World 39's Fitness Log I did that in the same day as the first six courses I just completed and I was unnaturally exhausted. Better to learn from my previous endeavours and call it quits for Sunday!

But what I left on Sunday is now my problem to solve on Monday. It's actually Allegra's problem, as she claims her monsters (“darling assistants”) ran off and I need to go to the Beaut Camp and kill them or something. Well, her word was “fetch” but the mission description is “defeat”...

In any case, it's a miniboss fight. There is the Dark Protean Shaker+A to my far left; the Cobalt Sufferfish in the middle; and the Dark Protean Shaker+b to the far right. If I want to hit all opponents in one attack, I need a five-range Fit Skill. The fight ends by just beating Cobalt Sufferfish, but the Dark Protean Shaker+s are... annoying. They'll nerf the power of my Fit Skills by colour, and since there are two Dark Protean Shakers present, they have the potential to... overwrite one another. See this video for a demonstration:

Of course, on their next turn, Dark Protean Shaker+A debuffed every Fit Skill colour besides Yellow, and Dark Protean Shaker+B... spat something at me but it didn't do anything. Bah. But I just Standing Twisted with the buff to take off over a third of the Dark Protean Shaker+s' HP bars, and do some chip to Blue Sufferfish. Which got it to below half HP, meaning it did a SUPER ATTACK that I needed to MEGA AB GUARD (hold a squat while pushing the Ring-Con into my stomach) for about 42 seconds consecutively. Uh... after I was successful blocking that, I didn't use any Blue Fit Skills for the rest of the fight because the Dark Protean Shakers ended up buffing my Green Fit Skills, so I Boat Posed to defeat them and Revolved Crescent Lunge Posed to send Blue Sufferfish flying in defeat after dropping a Garnet. Allegra congratulated me, said her assistant monsters are heading to Dragaux Stadium, and that she will... train them properly so they don't run away again. She'll probably abuse them.

Ring Fit Adventure Allegra teach monsters darling assistants a lesson
Again, I canonically didn't kill off her darling assistants.
But maybe when Allegra is done with them, they will have wished that I had...

That gives me access to the second half of the overworld map, including the Town and its General Store. The Town inhabitants are still gushing about Titanium White from back when this world had a plotline (we haven't seen Titanium White around yet...), and I spent my Garnets and money until I ran out of the former rather quickly. Gotta collect more. Maybe I'll find some at the next course, Flutterpeak Pass? ...I didn't. But I decided to do a different critical path than what I did in World 39 and changed direction to go to Piston-Pump Rail. As the name implies, it's full of railcarts... powered by Back Presses, Squats, or Chair Pose Holds.

And after that, and for the hardest challenge of the week and possibly the entire game? The Lower Body Set Fitness Gym. Which offers no completion bonus, just a mandatory A rank or higher to clear. This Fitness Gym is totally optional for progression, but I want to 100% clear the world, so I must play it. Note that the following rep counts are under difficulty level 30, which is the highest you can get and what I've been doing for the entirety of Fitness Master:

  1. Thigh Press (x30)—If you don't get all 100 scores here, quit and retry. Thigh Presses are fine. Now it gets... so much worse.
  2. Squat (x30)—The beginning of misery, and the first Shrieking Squat Sister. And to be clear, the one shrieking is me. Because my body is just not ready for this. My legs and knees HURT holding down these five to six second squats down. I had to do frequent pauses and Leg Strap readjustments to try to get an advantage. And I took a long breather break before trying the next exercise.
    Ring Fit Adventure Lower Body Set Fitness Gym Squat back straight
    Does it look like Tipp's back is straight in this example?
    How do you keep your back straight while squatting but also holding something?

  3. Mountain Climber (x60)—Unlike the squats where I'll be agonising in front of the TV for... tens of minutes to get through them, the Mountain Climbers is meant to be performed all in one go, so you better have the stamina. You also can't really look at the TV while doing them, so who knows how well my scores are! This is hardly a breather level, though. Quite the opposite, since this will get your heart rate way up...
  4. Wide Squat (x30)—...And now time for the second Shrieking Squat Sister, even worse than the first.
  5. Chair Pose (x16)—Alright, now THIS is the relaxing end point. Should be an easy 100 points each time... if you aren't collapsing from the previous three Fit Skills.

For that whole affair, I got 96 points, which is enough for a passing A grade! And I got the Double Wide Squatter Title for doing 500 Wide Squats throughout my whole adventure. The next Title will be at 1000. I will never get that. And I ended exercising for the day and probably gained all of the calories I just lost by eating.

After skipping Tuesday, I'm back on Wednesday. There are six courses left in World 62. I will try to do five today. That might sound like a lot, but I planned for this! First, east of the rails is the Dreadmill (Advanced) Game Gym. Again... no completion reward. But I did put on the Sunset Runner outfit to make jogging easier. That's fitting, because the minigame is recoloured in a sunset hue (and not to be confused as lava like I did while playing it for the first time). After clearing this, I went east some more to Perseverance Valley (and put my EXP +5% Galactic Jogger III back on), which is a rowing-based level in the winter. At least the water isn't iced over. Then I... circled all the way around to Pushover Corridor. It's Pushpull Temple... but foggy. Ew. The missable Treasure Chaser had 150 coins inside, and the optional stationary chest had a Garnet stone. That's good. Two more courses to go, but to access one, I need to dispatch an overworld Gold Hoplin fight featuring four of the punks. That's 4,000 coins if you use a money-doubling smoothie... and I'm pretty sure I have enough money now to buy all of the remaining clothing items in the General Store. If only I had their necessary stones. (I need... five more Garnet, among other things.) Behind the Gold Hoplins was the Gluting Gallery (Novice) Game Gym... featuring more fog—problematic because the whole minigame is based around Overhead Side Bending in reaction to objects coming from the background (very foggy) to the foreground. But at least this has a reward of one Strength Drink, as paltry as that is. But I did get a perfect score on it, so maybe my complaint is exaggerated? Finally, the last course of the day is Crate Crasher (Advanced), with no weather gimmick... but no reward either. Ah well. That's the end of Wednesday. Felt very filler, but low-key action is fine after the misery of all of those squats on Monday!

Ring Fit Adventure Allegra dialogue worked darling assistants too hard little muscles too sore
...Well, I'm not convinced Blue Sufferfish has muscles of any size.

Now it's time for the last day of play...erm... rigorous exercise... for Week 62: Thursday. I went to Dragaux Stadium... though Dragaux is nowhere to be found. Allegra thanked me for dealing with her darling assistants earlier, but the “training” she gave them has made them too tired to move, so those Dark Protean Shaker+s and Blue Sufferfish will be unable to join her in fighting me today. And like I did in Extra Fitness, I ate a Milk Pudding (in-game) to make jogging and knee lifts easier so I can get through this Dragaux Stadium's obstacles of swamp and stairs. There were two Treasure Chasers amidst this movement-inhibiting terrain: the first contained 200 coins, and the second also contained 200 coins. When I reached Allegra, she said she's looking forward to our re-rematch... and that afterwards I'll need to re-recover. (...I'm not sure what it means to cover the first time?)

Ring Fit Adventure Allegra waiting for re-rematch legs feet shoes butt
Well, I know this is the third time I've played this game, but we've fought more than once per playthrough, so... I think this is the 11th time we've fought? I'm not sure!

Allegra's new minions for this fight are, from left-to-right, Cobalt Matta Ray+A, Cobalt Naughtylus+, Allegra herself, Cobalt Gobhoplin+, and Cobalt Matta Ray+B. I started by drinking a Blueberry Smoothie to change all of my Fit Skills to Blue... and then just Standing Twisted to hit all of the enemies. And I did that for three turns until all of the monsters were defeated and I was left with Allegra. From that point on... only normal single-range Blue Fit Skills like Thigh Press and Ring Raise Combo!

But I only had one turn to Ring Raise Combo before Allegra got below half health and decided to use her SUPER ATTACK... and this brings about the THIRD and final Shrieking Squat Sister for this log: I must maintain an Overhead Squat for 42 seconds in order to deflect Allegra's powerful blue energy kick with my own energy shoe. And I was successful! (I actually didn't even shriek.) After Tuesday's extensive training in the Fitness Gym with 30 Squats and 30 Wide Squats, holding one very long Overhead Squat was actually the least painful of them all. After that, Allegra couldn't withstand my Thigh Press, and she admitted my legs are lovely and that she must re-recover after I crushed her with my thighs. (And she dropped a Garnet.)

Ring Fit Adventure Allegra defeated quote needs to re-recover World 62
Even if Allegra expected to win (which is absurd),
did she think she wouldn't even break a sweat and have to recover either way?

For those keeping track of the plot, Titanium White was never mentioned. In Extra Fitness, she had a love sideplot with Magic Robot. Magic Robot also was never mentioned. So we won't ever know if their relationship is going well.

Ring Fit Adventure Week World 62: Fitness Master Lv. 349 Exercise Log
Maybe I was.. .TOO efficient at beating up Allegra?

If the next world skips its resident new NPC in Fitness Master mode, that would actually be a net improvement to the experience. Tune into KoopaTV next week to find out if that happened.

Fortunately, the NPC in World 63 was skipped entirely. Good.


  1. Re-Recover, Re-Re-Recover!

    I have neither the interest nor flexibility to be a cheerleader, but that’s what that line reminded me of. I know you say milk pudding makes the jogging easier but that just sounds kinda gross to me.

    1. The milk pudding has an eating sound effect. You're not, uh, lathering it on your body if that's wot you think!


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