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Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Ludwig's Live Reactions to Nintendo's E3 Presentation

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Been waiting FOR YEARS FOR THIS HOUR!

Oh my gosh. We're... it's... WHOOOO. I can BARELY BREATHE. People around me are thinking I'm going to have a heart attack or something. My hype has gone over obsessive — all I can think about is Nintendo and its press conference. Last night, Sony destroyed Microsoft in a very long but destructive presentation. Unfortuntately, scheduling prevents me from being on AIM with the rest of my Koopa Keep buddies, so I'm doing my own individual live reaction. This is completely independent of what other people think, and I have no idea what my colleagues are thinking as we, and hundreds of thousands (millions?) of Nintendo fans all watch this presentation at the same time. I have no contact with them. No hivemind here. Just Ludwig, the livestream, and his Notepad document.

9:52
I'm hungry. FOR NINTENDO! ...And food.
9:53
What if the stream doesn't work? Am I supposed to be refreshing e3.nintendo.com? Is it suddenly going to appear in six minutes?
9:54
Damn other people talking in the library. Nothing they can possibly be doing is more important to this. Printers are SO LOUD.
9:55
I should've gone to the bathroom before starting this. I need to take a crap! Clear my bladder! Gotta...HOLD IT IN.
9:56
I like when the countdown on the website has one second in the seconds timer, it goes from "seconds" to "second". THEY REALLY CARE ABOUT THE ACCURACY. I'd take a screencap but this is a public computer and all. I'm probably risking my own security by using it.
9:58
Rawk said I should've just skipped school. ...He's probably right. It was RAINING. I'm going to refresh the page again... and again... and again...
9:59
00 hours 00 minutes... we just have seconds here. JUST SECONDS AWAY FROM THE MOST ANTICIPATED EVENT OF THE YEAR!!!! 25...23...20... (no one wants to read this Ludwig...) EEEK FIVE FOUR THREE TWO ONE
10:00
"The address is not valid" FUCK REFRESH REFRESH FUCK YOU INTERNET EXPLODER
10:01
Did Nintendo's site CRASH? "...until the Nintendo Direct@E3 2013 Livestream begins at 7 a.m. PT on June 11." Those are three big dots.
10:02
This is horrible. Okay, I'm going to open my laptop. I brought it literally for this reason.
10:03
Laptop is starting Windows. Fuck, Rawk was right that Nintendo can't handle all this traffic in one location!
10:04
Laptop still loading... "Welcome"... Laptop has FIREFOX.
10:05
Everyone in the library is still looking at me like I'm crazy. Okay, at e3.nintendo.com on TWO computers... And... livestream isn't...working... on... either... IT's just blank and black.

10:07
Laptop finally has something. Full-screen that. FAIRY TYPE. GARDEVOIR. JIGGLYPUFF. SYLVEON. MARILL. FREEZING. Additional layer of strategy. FROZEN WHY IS THIS SO CHOPPY
10:08
Well now I'm probably behind and lagging everyone else. Maul your Pokémon with your stylus to take care of 'em. "We will be revealing... gradually... *freeze* ...throughout the year. *freeze* Please stay tuned."
10:09
Switching the stream from High quality to 240p. looks like shit and doesn't help the freezing problem. Back to High.
10:10
I see a 3D Mario with a Mario Pinball-like life counter art which bothers me immediately. The problems with freezing persist. ew furfag Mario I mean he was always a furfag but still
10:11
Playable  Peach and Toad and Luigi with SMB2 USA qualities. ...Snowball transferring. Kuribo shoe riding.
10:12
I guess Toad is Blue only. nope Red toad. Well probably blue only when Mario is there 'cause colour schemes. AHH EVERYONE IS A FURFAG. Just... climbing... up... the flagpole. Super Mario 3D World.
10:13
This streaming is still terrible. Super Mario 3D Land sequel. Dat multiplayer 3D adventure.
10:14
The lag is only a little bit bearable than the Planet Koopa Advertisement Bloopers video.
10:15
This music pisses me off, probably because it's cut-off every other second. "Outstanding new power-up in the game...which is featured in the game's logo." Yeah I guess they did that before too. Cat Mario. Fucking furry porn probably already exists of this.
10:16
Available December. Great, shitty birthday present. I assume these are all 3DS games. Okay, here's a Kart game. STILL BIKES. INSTANT-BAD.
10:17
Fireballs bouncing underwater. Hang-gliders. So it's Mario Kart Wii + Mario Kart 7. ...WHERE'S THE DOUBLE DASH!! INSPIRATION GUYS?
10:18
Stream froze on Koopa Troopa for a few seconds. He looks damn good. :)
10:19
MARIO KART 8. ...Well. Lame name. For the Wii U. Anti-gravity (Galaxy?) features. This seems disorienting.
10:20
So I guess that Fairy type rumour was true. (yeah that's more interesting than MK7+MKWii bastardization). Spring 2014. Some sort of interesting Miiverse integration.
10:21
Wii Party U. ...I forgot there WAS a "Wii Party series". Definitive party game. HEAR THAT MARIO YOU SUCK
10:22
This Summer... however... take a bit more time. "Thank you for your patience." Wii Fit U launch within Spring and Summer seasons, but that gets delayed too for new features. What ISN'T delayed? I appreciate your patience *bow*
10:23
Wii Party U October, Wii Fit U December. Incredibly high-quality drawings. Had no idea Miiverse would be used in this way. More complete drawing tools based on the fact people use Miiverse for art. So Art Academy!
10:24
Worthwhile to provide new drawing tool...special version just for Miiverse artists. Drawing tool this Summer from eShop. Colours. Pastels, pencils. POPULAR_TOPIC
10:25
I guess that's an example of Nintendo responding of fanbase. Oh hey, appreciate support for 3rd party partners. ...Well yesterday wasn't very helpful. Assassin's Creed IV, Batman Arkham Origins, port of that to 3DS, Deus Ex remake, Disney Infinity, oh hey Just Dance 2014 again from Ubisoft. And Rayman Legends.
10:26
The lag stopped. This is smooth. So pretty much Ubisoft, Disney, and Warner Bros.
10:27
Don't forget Activision with Skylanders  SWAP Force! (boycott) Sonic Lost World from SEGA!
10:28
Iwata comments how he's a developer himself (unlike Sony and Microsoft talking heads?). HI DUCKTALES I WANNA HEAR YOUR REMASTERED MOON REMIX.
10:29
Spin the Bottle: Bumpie's Party.
10:30
Wind Waker HD let's have a video. I bet it's SEXY. ...yes it is sexy also good button controls what the fuck the stream skipped to... I think it's The Wonderful 101.
10:31
"Unite More".  I WANTED TO WATCH MORE WIND WAKER LET ME BE BEHIND THE LIVE STREAM YOU JERKS. oh it might be "Unite Morph".
10:32
Nintendo Direct dedicated to The Wonderful 101 in the future. OOH WORLD PREMIERE OF SOMETHING. DONKEY KONG JUMPS OUT OF A SPACESHIP JUMPING ON PENGUINS checkpoink is back
10:33
I like the Jungle Japes remix a lot. Latest installment of Donkey Kong Country series for Wii U. ...is this Retro's project? Donkey Kong Island overran by VIKINGS.
10:34
HD graphics. DK's fur flowing does look sexy. Wow dynamic camera angles are sexy DIXIE KONG IS SEXY DIXIE KONG IS BACK SHE'S SEXY
10:35
DIXIE PLEASE GO INTO SMASH 4. Donkey Kong Country Tropical Freeze NOVEMBER. COME BACK TO ME DIXIE. oh well Bayonetta 2. Trailer just to see Bayonetta's boobs? ...Is that what's happening?
10:36
"no one said you could touch". Good job Platinum Games. But wasn't the DS's motto "Touching is Good"? Falcon Kick.
10:37
"What do you think?" "Bayonetta previously had very long hair". ...so she looks even worse? Bayonetta gameplay is lagging the stream due to dat intensity.
10:38
Available 2014. Next... this video. ...is it Smash 4? Monolith Soft! ...So this must be... X, right? Well the music sounds great. Hey, what if they showed Smash 4 in the part of the stream I missed?
10:39
A lot of walking and running from people AND mech-looking things. X! Did IWata say "Monoloid Soft"?
10:40
X for 2014. One final game. THIS has to be Smash 4. wtf it's animal crossing
10:41
DID I MISS SMASH 4? OH SHIT OH SHIT OSH IHBYUJRFBTHFITIUYGITUOGITOITIT7HYT6JTOIGHUJYITOFFTGGVFHFGVGFJGBVFGFGBFGHBJH smash fgour sjgfdhvbkfjgrbvjk SNMASGH GFJDVBGRFHJ lol spirit tracks level This must be the 3DS vers-- OH GRAPHICS TRANSFORM
10:42
Pit has Uprising weapons final smashes are still here Bowser has a cooler dhasd  VO;L;AGRT VO;;AHT VO;;AGER VILLAGER COMES TO TOWN SHOVELS 2014!!!!!!! NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHING
10:43
MEGA MAN MEGA MAN YES YES YES YES YES YES YES TAKE THAT RAWK SUCK MY COCK YOUR ARTICLE ON THIS WAS SO STUPID AND NOW MEGA MAN IS IN THE GAME and the metal blade just made the screen black and my stream ended what the fuck it's off air now
10:45
Well now I guess I have to wait for the Direct to be uploaded to YouTube later so I can actually watch the whole thing uninterrupted from the beginning. Uh, I was trying to say earlier that Bowser now has a slide attack has his dash. Well. Guess it's over now.
10:47
Please don't suck my cock.
10:50
I guess Mega Man single-handedly Metal-Blade'd the rest of the stream from existence. Maybe Rawk was right about Capcom keeping Smash 4 hostage? I mean clearly they just killed the Direct.
10:53
Okay the Smash 4 trailer is on YouTube going to watch it now.
10:54
Mega Man is in a different trailer?! What the hell is going on. x.x


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