In Memoriam: Glenn Fraldarius

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - He died like a true knight.

There are few tragedies as far-reaching and destructive as the Tragedy of Duscur. In Imperial Year 1166, the royalty of the Kingdom of Faerghus of the continent of Fódlan—including King Lambert, Queen Consort Patricia, and Prince Dimitri—embarked on a diplomatic trip to the neighbouring nation of Duscur. They were attacked by the people of Duscur. The Faerghus royal guard tried to repel the attackers, but they were slaughtered. One of those knights was Glenn Fraldarius, oldest son of Duke Rodrigue Fraldarius, the head of House Fraldarius. All Faerghus attendees on that trip, with the exception of young Prince Dimitri, were killed off by Duscur fires of torment. This left Faerghus without a king or queen, so King Lambert's brother Rufus became regent of Faerghus until Prince Dimitri would be old enough to rule.

Depiction of the Tragedy of Duscur, painted by Ignatz Victor.
Prince Dimitri is in the centre; Glenn is one of the fallen knights on the ground.

Ring Fit Adventure Fitness Log Week 41: Field Day Festival!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Yeah, let's have a field day in the coldest world! That'll warm our spirits...

It's Friday on KoopaTV...more specifically, it's KoopaTV Fitness Friday. That means I'll communicate to you my fitness progress in my quest to be IN SHAPE for life and the Tokyo 2021 Olympic Games that start in under two months. That involves Ring Fit Adventure, and on the highest difficulty level (30).

Last week, we made it through World 40 and took a break to restore our legs. This week it's World 41: Extra Fitness Lv. 251. A blonde woman named Thermia asked me to participate in the Field Day Festival, and Ring said it was pretty fun last time we came through this place. Honestly, I don't remember her or this world at all (and it's not elaborated what the Field Day Festival involves or why it exists), but it's based on World 18: The Iceman Flexeth! It's a world based on cold and things being frozen. Not sure why Ring would fondly reminisce on that.

(I don't know what's going on or remember who this is.)

Appropriately, the opening course is calling Shivering Valley. It's definitely a big, cold-looking valley, but most of it is just flight segments (THREE! flight segments, two of which have headwinds). There's an unavoidable Treasure Chest with a Deep Lime Green Smoothie. After that, we're met by the Sportan Commander, who was apparently hoping to see me here. We haven't seen him since literally 14 weeks ago and here he is with no explanation. Maybe he wants to participate in this Field Day Festival, too? He wants me to display “Sportan pride” (I guess I'm an honourary member of their society?) and clear the Wintry Watchtower in 210 steps or less. Intercepting our run is a Treasure Chest containing one Rose Quartz, the stone we got from Dragaux last world. ...I still want more Garnet. I finished it in 143 steps, which was a pretty unoptimal number. (there's a lot of stair-steps in here, so maybe the best thing to wear is the jogging + knee lift improvement outfits?) At the end, the Sportan Commander was nowhere to be found, and Thermia explained that, while he intended to run with us, he sprained his ankle at the beginning. Ring feigned concern for his health.

The DRAGON QUEST 35th Anniversary Announcements

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Well, it could've been condensed. We don't really know much, still.

Last night—and I watched it on-demand this morning—SQUARE ENIX had a 35-year Dragon Quest anniversary announcement stream featuring series creator Yuji Horii and some TV personality named JOY, where they had SIX game announcements. Here's the stream... though I don't recommend you actually watch it.

Basically, it's in Japanese, and there's one English translator but several Japanese speakers, and it was a live event and the translator didn't know what would be said before it was being said. So it's an unfortunate mess, and the Japanese speakers tended to not actually provide any useful information. At one point, they dedicated their commentary to making fun of Dragon Quest producer Taichi Inuzuka transitioning from becoming “skinny” to putting on weight rather than give any additional information on the game he was presenting. ...There was a LOT of the Dragon Quest theme that played, though.

Anyway, I constructed this table summarising what was discussed, so you don't have to watch the anniversary stream and can come away with what little we know:

Monster Hunter Digital Event May 2021 Thoughts

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I wonder if the Rite of Channeling is ethical.

Just last month, CAPCOM held the Monster Hunter Digital Event - April 2021. Now today, there's the Monster Hunter Digital Event - May 2021. Like before, this talked about both Monster Hunter Stories 2: Wings of Ruin and Monster Hunter Rise, and in that order. Like before, I mostly just care about Monster Hunter Stories 2: Wings of Ruin, releasing worldwide July 9 2021:

The event starts with showcasing a scary pit that emits “rage-rays” of light that pisses off monsters that see it. Just another strange thing that's threatening the safety of the world. They showed returning characters from the first game (Avinia the Rider and her Frostfang) and new ones (Orgo the big Felyne and the mysterious Ol' Dede who probably isn't King Dedede's dad or grandpa or something...though that's not confirmed).

But this event today wasn't just story discussion, but they also talked about actual game features and showed gameplay. Note that some of what I'm about to mention is from the website, not necessarily from the event.

John Cena, the Chinese Communist Party Pawn

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...That's a shame.

The last KoopaTV article really dedicated to China was published December 2020, about how gaming companies Valve and CD Projekt are pawns of the Chinese Communist Party. The last, and only, KoopaTV article about John Cena was published over seven years ago: it was called “Nationalistic Nintendo Video & John Cena”. At the time, this wasn't ironic. Nintendo had a Nintendo Video service that they made to try to get people to use their Nintendo 3DS more actively, at a time when the gaming library was quite sparse. By 2014, every region besides North America gave up on it. Nintendo of America, still believing the service had a future, was rather heavily promoting then-American hero John Cena and the WWE Slam City cartoon series produced by the WWE as the star of the now-America-only Nintendo Video. John Cena (or a digital likeness of him) and Nintendo of America were joined at the hip for an all-American promotion to benefit the 3DS. IN AMERICA.

Skip ahead to the present day, and John Cena is doing less wrestling and focusing more on his acting (Hollywood) career. As is the case for many Hollywood productions, they're catering to the whims of China, which is a big market for film—provided they don't offend Chinese Communist Party sensibilities. John Cena is a featured cast member in F9, a just-released (outside of the United States—it's not out yet in the USA) film that's the ninth in the lucrative Fast & Furious film series. As Hollywood-focused Deadline.com notes, the China market is a huge priority for F9, and John Cena has been all about China long before that, learning Mandarin starting in 2016.

How does this all connect together? Well, in a recent interview with a Taiwanese broadcaster to promote the movie, according to the New York Times, John Cena said, “Taiwan is the first country that can watch [F9].” This is unacceptable, according to the Communist Chinese Party, because Taiwan is not considered a country and they're just a rebellious part of China that needs to be taught a lesson. ...And GameSpot wrote an article about John Cena's apology, so, hey, KoopaTV can too. And, yes, of course, John Cena “apologised”. Here it is, in Mandarin:

I can't use my childhood dodgeball strategy in Knockout City

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You probably can't use any dodgeball strategy, actually.

In the latter half of the famous February 4, 2021 Nintendo Direct, there was a game that... made an impression: Knockout City. Wendy thought it “looked really lame.” I thought it was akin to “Fortnite Dodge Ball” and Kamek agreed. But now that Knockout City has released (and with a limited-time Block Party giving you full access to the game for ten days before you're buried in level caps and micro-transactions that you need to pay your way out of), what is it and how does it compare to dodgeball?

About Knockout City

Knockout City is developed by Velan Studios, which you may remember as the developer of Mario Kart Live: Home Circuit. It's published by awful gaming industry villain Electronic Arts, for the major gaming platforms. It's free-to-start—which means it's a Gaming as a Service micro-transaction fest. You also need to make an EA account that unnecessarily provides Electronic Arts personal information like your friend list, telephone number, real name, and date of birth. By default, EA will sell your information to third-party advertisers. Per their "Do Not Sell My Personal Information" page, you need to log into their site and check two boxes to disable this sharing.

Anyway, the sport in this game is actually called dodgebrawl. It's like dodgeball, but more... intense and with attitude and in the streets. Like, there's double-jumping and a glider. After doing the training 1, I immediately got put into an already-in-progress match (where my team was losing—someone probably had just ragequit) and I got pwned without really knowing what I'm doing. The game then asked me if I had fun. Of course, I said no.

Ring Fit Adventure Fitness Log Week 40: The worst legs in the world?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...Just kidding, it's opposite day. My legs are amazing.

My legs better be good, because with KoopaTV Fitness Fridays, training up my lower-body is a big priority so I can be an incredible Olympic athlete. (Training up my upper-body is the other big priority...) Playing through Ring Fit Adventure is a big way to accomplish this. I do so on the maximum difficulty—30.

Last week, we had the physically difficult experience of Week 39, where we had to hold a long Overhead Squat versus the world boss, and had to survive the Lower Body Set Fitness Gym. This week, the focus on legs continues, as we enter World 40: Extra Fitness Lv. 247. This one is based on World 17: The Boy Who Howled Wolf, which features dark influenced feral animals and ended in an epic showdown against Dragaux. I'm pretty sure we're gonna encounter the exact same thing this time, except my biggest curiosity is how Ring Fit Adventure plans to narratively explain why the animals are corrupted by the dark influence when, in terms of Extra Fitness's storyline, the dark influence has been eradicated.

I feel like it's my duty as the author here to work through the septuple negative.
Pretty sure that has the same effect as one opposite day. (The statement he said before this was,
“You look really, really cool!” So he doesn't think I look cool.)
But he's still a dumb kid, and opposite-opposite-opposite-opposite-opposite-opposite-opposite day is a terrible idea.

By the way, the boy who howled wolf is named Linus, and he's a twerpy deceptive kid. Part of the reason that the world originally took so long is because he actually makes you back-track in the storyline (because he lies), but we don't have to deal with that in Extra Fitness. Instead, we go to Hamstring Marsh—and only once. There's a Blue Dark Hart fight with no explanation on why it exists. So that's how it's gonna be, huh? General Store Number 36 is selling three new outfits: the Leg Master II (look like Allegra and increase blue Fit Skill attack power by 5%); the Blue Chameleon II (increase Ring's vacuum range in platforming segments); and the Coral Snake II (no set boost). Altogether, these will require six Garnet to buy out, and I got none, since I used my existing stash to buy last world's Ocean Athlete II. Where to get all of those stones?

Nintendo's Financial Results Briefing for Fiscal Year Ended March 2021 Q&A Analysis!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We get to check up on the guy who always asks about China.

At the end of the Nintendo's Results For Fiscal Year Ended March 2021 article, I said that once the “investor/analyst question & answer session” gets translated, I'd write a commentary on it. ...Well, a few days after that actually happened, here we are! And here is the link to the session. Maybe you should briefly read through the eight questions and answers so you know what I'm commentating on. ...Though it's kinda boring, so I wouldn't blame you if you just wanted my fun notes on it below.

This was attended by Nintendo's President Shuntaro Furukawa and Executive Officer Hajime Murakami. Who is Murakami? It doesn't matter, since he just stood there and let Furukawa answer all of the questions. (He's in charge of Finance.)

Question 1: What's your rationale for selling 22.50 million additional Nintendo Switch consoles by the end of March 2022?

The guy asking the question wants to know if it's feasible that Nintendo would sell more than 22.50 million. By comparison, over the past year Nintendo sold 28.83 Nintendo Switch consoles, and the year before that, 21.03 million. So they're on an upward trend, so why isn't it still going up? Furukawa explained that 22.50 million is still a LOT, and while the Nintendo Switch is very popular, this IS year five. Consoles normally end their lifecycles altogether a year from today.

Nintendo assumes that supply shortages won't be a problem throughout the year, although they've given no reasoning for why they believe they'll be immune from those.

Question 2: How many players are actively using their Nintendo Switch?

My interpretation is that this caller wants Nintendo to avoid the trap they got caught into during the Wii era: Nintendo was smashing sales records with the Wii, but as they got closer to the end of the Wii's lifespan, no one was really playing on it anymore because many of those purchasers were fad buyers who wanted to waggle their Wiimote, and then they put it in a closet.

Furukawa spoke in relative terms, saying Animal Crossing: New Horizons increased the active user base, then it fell... then it went up again with the holidays, and all is currently good and happy and momentum isn't fading, thanks to strong titles like Monster Hunter Rise. I think it's a good question and a suspicious answer.

Let's Investigate Famicom Detective Club... Worth It?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Open-ended question. Hope I don't need to be a detective to answer it.

Among the many interesting developments from the February 2021 Nintendo Direct were the announcements for the remakes (and the first time they're existing in any form outside of Japan) of two Famicom Detective Club games. The two have now released: Famicom Detective Club: The Missing Heir and Famicom Detective Club: The Girl Who Stands Behind—they're sold for $35 individually, or you can buy them as a two-case collection for $60. (The two hyperlinks with the game names last sentence are to their official launch trailers, and the last hyperlink goes to the Nintendo.com page where you can buy it.)

Here's the overview trailer for both:

This is in the same genre as the Ace Attorney games, which I recommend without hesitation. I believe people when they say that the Famicom Detective Club games have great stories and writing. That said, you look at The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles, and that's also two previously Japanese-only games in one bundle. Except those Ace Attorney games are longer/have more content, and their bundle is only $40 versus $60.

Nintendo Set Itself Up for Disappointment on Nintendo Switch Online May 2021 Game Updates

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...C'mon, man. Why do that to yourself?

Today, Nintendo updated the complementary Super Nintendo Entertainment System and Nintendo Entertainment System games available to Nintendo Switch Online subscribers. Here's a trailer they put out with the new games. If you click from the embed to YouTube (...just remember to come back to KoopaTV), you can see that it's clearly quite controversial on the Like:Dislike bar.

To get those in text, for the SNES you get Joe & Mac (aka Caveman Ninja), Magical Drop2 (it's the Super Famicom version never released on the SNES—meanwhile, Magical Drop II ported from the NEOGEO has been on the Nintendo Switch eShop since 2017 for $8), Super Baseball Simulator 1,000, and Spanky's Quest. For the NES there's Ninja JaJaMaru-kun (never released on the NES but only the Famicom).

Maybe you consider the flavour of having Famicom/Super Famicom games to be pretty cool. Or you're like me and haven't heard of these games before and don't care about them, so you hear this news and... go on with your night. I mean, I'm still playing all the games I already own, which is my go-to response for underwhelming Nintendo Switch Online game releases. Plus, there's been a lot of other (paid) new releases lately to check out.

That's my normal state of mind, but... I do sympathise with the large group of people who are outright offended by Nintendo's game selections. Nintendo themselves contributes to it. Take a look at this photo I took of their in-console Nintendo Switch Online hub: