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Tuesday, May 25, 2021

John Cena, the Chinese Communist Party Pawn

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...That's a shame.

The last KoopaTV article really dedicated to China was published December 2020, about how gaming companies Valve and CD Projekt are pawns of the Chinese Communist Party. The last, and only, KoopaTV article about John Cena was published over seven years ago: it was called “Nationalistic Nintendo Video & John Cena”. At the time, this wasn't ironic. Nintendo had a Nintendo Video service that they made to try to get people to use their Nintendo 3DS more actively, at a time when the gaming library was quite sparse. By 2014, every region besides North America gave up on it. Nintendo of America, still believing the service had a future, was rather heavily promoting then-American hero John Cena and the WWE Slam City cartoon series produced by the WWE as the star of the now-America-only Nintendo Video. John Cena (or a digital likeness of him) and Nintendo of America were joined at the hip for an all-American promotion to benefit the 3DS. IN AMERICA.

Skip ahead to the present day, and John Cena is doing less wrestling and focusing more on his acting (Hollywood) career. As is the case for many Hollywood productions, they're catering to the whims of China, which is a big market for film—provided they don't offend Chinese Communist Party sensibilities. John Cena is a featured cast member in F9, a just-released (outside of the United States—it's not out yet in the USA) film that's the ninth in the lucrative Fast & Furious film series. As Hollywood-focused notes, the China market is a huge priority for F9, and John Cena has been all about China long before that, learning Mandarin starting in 2016.

How does this all connect together? Well, in a recent interview with a Taiwanese broadcaster to promote the movie, according to the New York Times, John Cena said, “Taiwan is the first country that can watch [F9].” This is unacceptable, according to the Communist Chinese Party, because Taiwan is not considered a country and they're just a rebellious part of China that needs to be taught a lesson. ...And GameSpot wrote an article about John Cena's apology, so, hey, KoopaTV can too. And, yes, of course, John Cena “apologised”. Here it is, in Mandarin:

John Cena never specified in the video what he's actually apologising for, just that he's very sorry for his mistake, and he loves China. He actually did make a factual error in that F9, according to Taiwan News, never actually premiered in Taiwan to this day. That means that Taiwan isn't the first country that can watch F9!

John Cena apologises to Chinese Communist Party F9 calling Taiwan country
A man's measured by the way that he thinks.
His time is up.

Per reporting by the New York Post, Chinese communists are unhappy with John Cena's apology, since he wasn't actually specific in saying Taiwan is part of China and not its own country. In the United States, commenters from across the political spectrum are insulting John Cena as a pathetic weakling, so it's cool to see that this is a bipartisan issue in America. (People in Taiwan aren't happy about being put under John Cena's bus, either.)

I'm becoming very increasingly convinced that you should just never apologise for anything. Can you think of famous-people apologies that have actually worked and everyone forgives that person? ...Because I can't. In this case, John Cena is apologising for saying the factually and morally correct thing, which makes him both wrong and shameless. Before, I used to associate him with his (still great) theme song, but from now on I'll just forever associate him with being a Chinese Communist Party pawn. I don't hold any respect for people who fall into that category.

More companies and figures should take after KoopaTV and take pride from being banned from communist China. KoopaTV, while inaccessible from mainland China, is still visited by worthy countries like Taiwan, in addition to Hong Kong.


  1. Did you know that his theme song is actually a remix of the opening notes to the song "That's the night the lights went out in Georgia"? I really like that song, but not so much John Cena.

    Is it just me or does it seem like something is off with his face in that video, looks a like a deepfake except not as janky. I suppose bending backwards o china will do strange things to your body.

    In any case, once china gets upset about something there is no forgiveness, but I suppose that works to be a blessing in some ways.

    1. To be frank, when I first read about the story and watched the video, I actually thought it was fake news because it's so ridiculous and weird. So that's why I had to look at a LOT of different sources (and in different countries!) until I finally accepted that this is reality.


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