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Monday, January 25, 2016

We're Gonna Build a Wall: It's Gonna Be GREAT

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Don't forget about YUGE.

We've heard similar promises from Nintendo presidential candidate Ledge Trump
“I would build a great ledge, and nobody builds ledges better than Ledge Trump, and I’ll build them very inexpensively, I will build a great, trump-able ledge on our stages' edges. And I will have Microsoft pay for that ledge. Mark my words.”
While Ledge Trump lost his bid for president of Nintendo to some guy named Tatsumi Kimishima and was never seen again, Republican front-runner Donald Trump is still very much on a path to victory. While we don't really like Trump's bullying or his debate performances, you have to admire his bombastic nature and his penchant for hyperbole. We admire it, anyway. Probably 'cause we do it ourselves.

Donald Trump wall Mexico Mexican border Super Smash Bros. For Wii U stage builder
Trump built that wall FOR FREE! Look! No one can get to Trump Land on the other side!

I've been reading Donald Trump's book from 30 years ago, The Art of the Deal. I might review it in its own article sometime in the future. But essentially, Trump makes the case that all his life he's been building things under-budget and ahead of schedule and with great quality as a real-estate developer. This somehow contradicts the notion of “pick two” with the three dimensions of project management: Time, Money, and Quality. Trump has all three. How can this be?

The only way we'll be able to find out is if Donald Trump is actually elected, and I'm not really willing to take that risk just yet. The guy really does name everything after himself, so I don't doubt that the United States will become Trump Land. He takes every location noun in the dictionary and puts “Trump” in front of it, and that's how names happen. It's sort of what Koopa Keep did back on the Nintendo NSider Forums. We had Bowser's Castle, Koopa Barracks, Koopa Tower, Koopa Island, Koopa Palace, and like four others. Now we're KoopaTV! (No space!) Donald Trump at least doesn't have TrumpTV, despite being a reality show star. ...Not yet.

The first in the nation caucus is in Iowa next week (Monday night). While I don't think KoopaTV gets any readers from Iowa, lemme quickly explain its importance: A bunch of enthusiastic dudes are gonna gather in over 1,600 buildings across the state of Iowa for both Republicans and Democrats. At the end of the night, the very first votes for who the Republicans want and who the Democrats want as their presidential nominee will happen, and the parties will know the delegate counts from Iowa for the nominating convention later this year. While Iowa itself won't have many delegates to give out 'cause it's a small state, it will be the first indicator of who actually has support and who doesn't.

Remember: Polls conducted by the polling research companies mean nothing and are easily manipulated. (But it's totally acceptable for me to use GameFAQs poll of the day results to support my opinions in articles.) Everything before this was all non-committed crap. The first votes will truly be counted.

Donald Trump Mii Super Smash Bros. For Wii U Stage Builder wall Mexico Mexican border Duck Hunt gunmen illegal immigration
The wall will be able to withstand heavy weaponry as well.

Back to Trump's wall. Just want to point out that the Mexican packing heat in the second picture allegedly got his firearm from President Barack Hussein Obama's Attorney General Eric Holder's gun-running program Fast & Furious, where they (and President Bush before them) gave a bunch of heavy-duty firearms to Mexican drug cartels and were supposed to keep track of them to see what happened. Obviously, they lost track of them, and the end result was that a ton of Mexicans got killed, as did an American border patrol agent. This really pissed the Mexicans off.

You know, if Donald Trump does build that wall across the USA-Mexican border, then not only will it keep illegals out (if they just go on-foot) but hopefully it'll also keep the United States out of Mexico so the United States will stop doing dumb things like giving drug cartels guns. Maybe the United States isolating itself from the world by building walls ain't such a bad idea. The world might be a lot safer!

Trump Wall's gonna be great and huge. If you guys pick him to be the next president. Otherwise, I can share you the stage for your enjoyment in Super Smash Bros. For Wii U, but it's not really fun or playable. I'd rather have Trump Wall be a Super Smash Bros. stage than reality.

By the way, Duck Hunt is a human-trafficker. The three of them. The dog, the duck, and... the guy with the Zapper. They work as a team to evade border patrol agents. The dog is the frontal ground guy leading the way, the duck provides air support and reconnaissance, and the Zapper guy provides back-up. Seems unbeatable, right? Well, Donald Trump will stop the projectile spam. He has a Reflector!

The one guy who actually wanted KoopaTV to endorse Donald Trump left a while ago, so KoopaTV still hasn't endorsed anyone for the Republican primaries. This was originally posted on Miiverse, but Ludwig thought it might get reported or something so he deleted it. Shout-outs to Bala for giving Ludwig the Donald Trump Mii! Follow him on Miiverse.

The wall was built in Super Smash Bros. For Wii U's Stage Builder. Yes, I DID build it. For Trump.


  1. Oh my... (in-joke for that deleted Miiverse post)

    Good thing I pretty much lost interest in Smash 4 for the time being. I main Duck Hunt and it was already frustrating to use the character. I don't need more aggravation.

    1. Is it that aggravating to be playing as a human trafficker?

    2. It's hard to land the finishing blow. The melee attacks barely reach out.

    3. His smash attacks have great range!

    4. You are welcome to go to the Duck Hunt subforum at Smashboards and see for yourself the struggles of maining the character by other people.

    5. The Jigglypuff subforum is actually more depressing, because everyone is convinced (I am, too) that Jigglypuff has been totally forgotten about when making balance patches, and her match-ups are just awful.

    6. Well the actual official tier list by the backroom of SmashBoards is now out. It is in the ssbwiki as well:

      Now can you tell me with a straight face that Duck Hunt is not at all frustrating to use? Good luck connecting his Smash Attacks against a competent opponent.

      Poor Mii Gunner too. "Inklings" are stuck looking ugly and being at the bottom as well.

    7. ...Poor Jigglypuff.

      The game is probably getting a balance patch today, as ZeRo pointed out. So what was the point of making a tier list if that'll change?

    8. Funny, 'cause Smash 4 leans defensively.

    9. And now all that hard work on making that tier list vanished in a puff of smoke like your Inkling teammate in a Splatfest.

    10. poof

      Jigglypuff still didn't get buffs though. :|

      She hasn't gotten a single buff since the game came out and she got buffed from Brawl.

    11. *Checks SMashboards for changes to Duck Hunt.*
      *sees "no changes"*
      *Closes the Smashboards tab*

    12. You'd think Duck Hunt could traffic in some buffs across the border, too.

  2. Duck hunt is a humam trafficker
    Rosalina is a luma trafficker
    Zelda is a phantom trafficker
    Olimar is pikmin trafficker

    I just noticed how dark smash bros really is .-.

    Lol jokes aside, while most people are either maining the best, or the lowest characters... im just here like: well... I main peach .-.

    1. Olimar really IS a Pikmin trafficker though.

      They're supposed to live only on their native planet, but Olimar is literally dragging them across space and the universe where they don't belong. And they're so small they can just hide and evade detection.

    2. I know XD too many traffickers in the game lol

    3. King Dad and I are some of the only honest people.


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