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Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Your Big Nintendo of America Announcement? Minecraft Wii U!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - This makes Nintendo fans 0-2 in less than a week!

Following the disastrous speculation that Nintendo would have something major to announce at The Game Awards 2015 (and they most certainly did not), Nintendo fans quickly clung to their next speculative scrap of news. This came in the form of Nintendo's Damon Baker saying in a Nintendo World Report podcast that there would be "something happening on Monday" and that something would be "big." He didn't say YUUUUGE, though.

Would like to note that Nintendo World Report is on KoopaTV's shit-list before we continue this article.

So what happened? Cue the press release:
“Best-selling sandbox game Minecraft heads to Nintendo's Wii U console”
Or as Nintendo's Amy would put it:

Play Nintendo Amy Miiverse Minecraft Wii U Edition announcement
“Your wishes were heard!”

I'd say the worst part is the “Hope you're ready to get creative with blocks this holiday!” line.

It's like Nintendo is suddenly throwing Super Mario Maker under the bus, even though that game is about placing bricks and blocks! Seriously, read this description from's page on Minecraft: Wii U Edition.
“Minecraft is a game about placing blocks and going on adventures.

Explore randomly-generated worlds and build amazing things from the simplest of homes to the grandest of castles.”
If we didn't start that off with Minecraft but Super Mario Maker, that'd be totally acceptable and would make sense. Sure, those homes would more likely than not be haunted houses, but it's still real estate! And hell if I know why it's ESRB-rated E10+ or why it's action/adventure. Nintendo's genre categorisation is still weird-as-ever.

I was reading some of the speculation online about what Monday's announcement would be, over the weekend. Basically, it was a Rorschach test. Grieving Metroid fans thought it'd be something for them. Zelda fans, who thought that Zelda Wii U would make a repeat appearance in The Game Awards, thought Nintendo was going to supply more footage of that. Pokémon fans have their eyes fixated on a December 15 news-drop in CoroCoro magazine and believed that Nintendo might drop something ahead of schedule. Super Smash Bros. folks thought they would announce the date for the Super Smash Bros. announcement that's happening this month that was revealed last direct.

Or maybe when Cloud would come out. Or the victor of the Smash Ballot.

Minecraft Wii U Edition Nintendo fanbase Rorschach test inkblot Reggie Fils-Aime Robot Chicken
This announcement was a Rorschach test. Whatever you thought Minecraft: Wii U Edition was going to be is your fan allegiance.

Of course, it can't be all of those things, and it ended up being none of them. Makes sense, since Damon Baker works in licensing and his big passion is about indies. Mojang apparently still counts as one of those. But maybe all of these Nintendo fanbases can still get something out of Minecraft: Wii U Edition?

“Nintendo and Mojang are also collaborating on new content for Nintendo fans to be released at a future date. More details about this content will be released at a later time.”
So... skin packs based on Nintendo properties? Is that something you really want? ...Watch them be locked behind amiibo. The power of Minecraft combined with the power of amiibo sounds sickening. It'll definitely happen. It hasn't been announced, but it'll happen.

I mean, everyone who wants Minecraft probably already has it some other way, so Nintendo has to do SOMETHING to differentiate the Wii U version! After all, Microsoft's platforms have that amazing Hololens stuff.

As KoopaTV staffer Vortexica said (lately, all my staffers do is provide an occasional one-liner):
“I hope people realise adding a skin-pack to Minecraft doesn't make the game look any less ugly. Just a different kind of ugly.”
Now I'm glad there's no Ludwig amiibo. Only Bowser Jr. is going to suffer that garbage graphical style! (Oh, and King Dad.)

My only regret is that they should've done this way earlier, before they downgraded Miiverse. Then all of those idiotic children begging every post for Minecraft on Wii U would have somewhere to congregate, leaving the rest of Miiverse moron-free.
Miiverse kids begging for Minecraft on Nintendo systems to every verified user
“Yet after all this, Miiverse kids are STILL gonna ask every verified user on Miiverse to develop Minecraft for Wii U and 3DS!”

Microsoft PowerPoint is on-point with making quality KoopaTV graphical ideas a reality. Isn't that great? Anyway, Ludwig figured ahead of time that the Monday big announcement would be a flop, so he can have blissful schadenfreude. He'd like to let you know that he doesn't hate Nintendo fans or anything! He just wants critical thinking!

Ludwig wrote a whole article last year about tempering your expectations. Maybe everyone should read it again, since it's still great advice to this day.
Minecraft has now been announced and released for the New Nintendo 3DS.
Nintendo fans never learn not to hype themselves up for no reason. This pattern continues into early 2018!


  1. So the best thing to do is think that the Smash Ballot announcement will be on the 31 of December.

    1. ...Well it's apparently December 15 or it'll never happen.

  2. I still consider this a big announcement, because even though I have no interest in Minecraft personally, it's huge, and I saw many people discussing their plans to buy the Wii U version. A few even said they waited specifically for a Wii U version, or were PC Minecraft players who didn't get it on consoles but would for the Wii U. So I think it's good news for Nintendo.

    What disappointed me was that... we already kinda knew Minecraft Wii U would exist. When he mentioned big news, I expected it to be a surprise of some sort.

    1. ...Oh well!

      I wonder what'll happen to those Minecraft knock-offs that indies made on the Wii U.

  3. There's literally nothing bigger than Minecraft right now. I'm perfectly fine with the announcement, although I don't think I'll be playing it myself.

    I think I may flood the Minecraft community with posts talking about how much better Mario Maker is.

    1. Now, hold on.

      The Minecraft community is going to be a bunch of oversensitive little kids. They WILL report you if you do that!

  4. I'm surprised that there are people out there still interested in this game.

    1. Well, you think Microsoft bought out Mojang for NOTHIN'? People better still be interested or else!


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