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Friday, March 27, 2015

ISIS Invasion of KoopaTV Universe

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - This is what happened to the TV Troopas and Noxial.

You hopefully are wondering about where the hell Noxial, Devin, and Claira have been. After all, we hired them to be KoopaTV's Marketing people but they seemed to have disappeared at the end of February and are still gone in March.

We have obviously been concerned about this and have been investigating the disappearances. We are now ready to dedicate a whole day's article to our findings. ...You ready? It's still hard to say, but...

Noxial has joined up with ISIS. You know, the terrorists that we've dedicated a few articles to before. She now looks something like this:

Koopie Koo is a hijab burqa Paper Mario
At least she's still 65x65 pixels.
We still do not know the status of our TV Troopas, but it's assumed that Noxial took them on her trip to Iraq. Or Syria. We've done such a bad job investigating that we don't know where she actually is. (If you would like to fund KoopaTV's investigation arm to be somewhat competent, buy some overpriced KoopaTV merchandise here!) We do have more information, and a way to try to connect this to "Women's History Month" week.

Apparently it is a very common thing for otherwise nice Western girls to go join terrorist groups. Saturday Night Live documents this phenomenon below:

Indeed, we were wondering what happened to two-time guest poster Artemis. It looks like she joined ISIS, too:

If you knew her personally, this isn't actually surprising.
We are very concerned about the rise of ISIS, especially since so many of KoopaTV's important readers are female. Not only are women joining ISIS in droves (not that we want our male readers joining ISIS either), but they then oppress them with this nasty garb to try to hide their girlhood.

Before she disappeared, the last thing Noxial told us was that she wanted to wear the Islamic hijab. She saw it as a symbol of power and feminism (we will continue KoopaTV's anti-feminist slant because now it's personal), or something, because she could choose who she wanted to present her face to. Well, for one, real Muslim women don't get a choice, especially if they hang out in ISIS. They have to.

This kind of rationalisation of exotic things ("Well, actually, Muslim women don't have it so bad!" or "North Koreans live in peace and happiness!" or "Do RPGs really need characters and story?") is what leads to very dangerous results. Once that kind of thinking gets into your head, the terrorists win. Literally. Once you question the conventional black-and-white thinking by trying to blur the lines with shades of grey, your mind gets so confused and warped that you twist reality to justify joining or supporting a terrorist group. That's why "nuanced thinking" is a trap by villainous intellectuals. So I keep things simple!

If we do not take a stand to oppose the oppression of women, then we're gonna end up with all of KoopaTV's female IP in hijabs. And after that, all of the world's women because the goal of ISIS is to make the whole world their caliphate under Sharia law!

Anita Sarkeesian as a Muslim burqa hijab woman oppression Rachel Jeantel
Do you recognise everyone? No? That's the whole point. No individuality for you!

(All that said, Rachel Jeantel in a hijab is a lot easier on the eyes!)

KoopaTV does not want our marvelous female readership base to fall prey to ISIS or other terrorist organisations. Stick to KoopaTV and you'll be safe! If you know any information about Noxial or any other Western gal in ISIS hands, you're asked to contact the CIA.

Well, we know what happened to the TV Troopas... Dead. One by ISIS hands.
If you're ever going to join the bad guys one day, be selective and don't join ISIS.
Maybe Noxial and the other women in this article will be enemies in the ISIS-killing game, IS Defense?
Noxial wasn't present in the Iraq delegation for the Olympics due to their lack of women.
The leader of ISIS has been killed by American forces.


  1. Koopa stop pissing your favourite nigga off please

    1. Hey, think about how WE feel!

      KoopaTV → Terrorist organisation is becoming a popular career path, and we don't like it!

  2. That's just terrible. They're going to regret their decision within a fraction of time. Why a woman would willfully join a Islamic terrorist organization is beyond me.

    1. We have no idea either, but it's apparently an increasingly popular thing among Western women.

      Sort of "trendy", if you will. You can find other news stories on it.


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