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Friday, March 6, 2015

Now Introducing...the KoopaTV Store!

By RAWKHAWK2010 - Must-haves for any KoopaTV fan!

At last, it is upon us. Following years of humble experimentation (to bring you the Truth and Levity our readers deserve), we at KoopaTV would like to announce that our organization is now set to enter the next frontier.


(Last Updated: 10/21/2015.) 

Note 10/21/2015: With Rawk's departure, the KoopaTV Store is currently without a proprietor, so we cannot take your orders. Our apologies.

All items are prepared and ready to ship. So without further ado, our first wave:

KoopaTV coffee mug Koopa Paper Mario cup

KoopaTV Mug
$30.00 USD

KoopaTV has articles daily so that you can start your morning right. But caffeine is important too, so get the most out of your morning ritual with a high-impact ceramic KoopaTV mug!

  • Custom cast.
  • 14 fluid ounce capacity.
  • 4.25" tall, 4" wide (5" with handle).
  • Dishwasher and microwave safe (though these might shorten its longevity...a lot).

KoopaTV baby outfit shirt Sierra Leone

KoopaTV Baby Creeper
$14.95 USD

“That’s a really down-to-earth and politically-informed outfit!”, you’ll hear from the other mommies when they see your tyke’s one-of-a-kind KoopaTV bodysuit. Offer includes not only the shirt, but also the baby!* -- produced right here in our Sierra Leone office.

  • 5.5 oz. 100% cotton (Heather contains 10% polyester) jersey.
  • Ribbed crew neck.
  • Reinforced three snap closure.

*while supplies last
KoopaTV album cover Katy Perry One of the Boys

KoopaTV's Greatest Hits
$24.95 USD

Jam out to your favorite KoopaTV tunes with KoopaTV's GREATEST HITS. Track listing is as follows:

1. I Have a Dream 
2. A Sonnet for Sakurai
3. Password
4. The Shell-Spangled Banner
5. Get a Gun
6. Baby It's Cold Outside (So Read KoopaTV!)
7. Koopasentai
8. The Fresh Prince Of Koopa Kingdom
9. Ain't No Koopa High Enough

  • Dimensions: 5.5” x 0.5” x 7.44”.
Trayvon Martin Little Mac Adam Pollock Al Sharpton Chinese food take out Punch-Out!!

Trayvon Tyson's Take-Out!! 
$54.95 USD (Quantity: 10)

Read every KoopaTV article but still hungry for more? Then order up some Trayvon Tyson's Take Out!!. Each box comes filled with a random assortment of foods pulled from our finest Sierra Leonean cuisine, ranging from krin-krin-and-fish-balls to...unprocessed leaves and roots. (Gird your loins, kids.)

  • Dimensions: 2” x 2.75” x 2”.
  • Approved by Michelle Obama's Starve-the-Kids Committee. 
Anita Sarkeesian Bendilin Ben Spurr jigsaw puzzle

Defend Anita Sarkeesian 10x14 Puzzle
$14.95 USD

And all the king's horses, and all the king's men...couldn't put Bendy together again. But maybe you can!

  • Size: 10" x 14" (252 pieces).
  • Includes beautiful gift box with puzzle image printed on lid.
  • Sturdy cardboard stock, mounted on chipboard.
  • Easy wipe-clean surface.
Barbie Devil Poker Chips betting

Barbie Devil Poker Chips 
$8.99 USD (25 Piece) 

Get 'em while they're hot! Inspired by the latest KoopaTV IP, these chips are eye-catching as well as classy -- and might even elicit warm, fuzzy feelings of a certain Sexy WiiWare game. (*sizzle*)

  • Clay Composite.
  • 14 grams.
sea turtle wall analog clock

TV Troopas Wall Clock
$35.00 USD

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for former KoopaTV staffers Claira and Devin, time is eternity. 

  • 2 sizes: 8" diameter (medium) or 10.75" diameter (large).
  • Not DST-compatible.

And last but not least...
Dog turtle shell shirt t-shirt motivational

KoopaTV "Glimmer of Hope" T-Shirt
$28.95 USD

You wanted it, you got it! Accompanied by a cool dog, just like the lad asked. (We also have male fit varieties, but with far less inventory since males make up a considerably smaller percentage of the KoopaTV audience.)

  • Model is 5’9” and is wearing a medium.
  • Runs small; order 1-2 sizes larger for a looser fit.
  • 100% Fine Jersey cotton construction (Heather Grey contains 10% Polyester).
  • Durable rib neckband.
  • No dogs/blogs were hurt in the making of this shirt.

See anything from Wave 1 that strikes your fancy? Submit all order inquiries in the comments section below!


  1. Question:
    Although this is a nice novelty and is neat to have, it is pretty funny, I'll say.
    Buuuuuut, from a consumer standpoint, I don't know much or if there are any people that would actually buy any of this, they're cute, they're quirky, but they don't have much of a niche in the market of Internet blog memorabilia , or any market for the matter.

  2. I got winded, sorry.
    Who in their right mind will buy this?

    1. Someone has literally already given me her shipping address.

      ...Though she's only "thinking" about buying something. So that's sorta weird, but hey, guess that means the Store is compelling.

      We have no confirmed sales yet, but if you just be patient, you may find our merchandise out in the wild!

    2. What if she just have you her address because she has a Koopa fetish and she hopes you'll visit her in the middle of the night?

  3. Why, yes it is.
    And if it's anything that Ace Attorney taught us, is that YIU never deny the possibilities.

    1. Ace Attorney has also taught us that you need evidence to substantiate those possibilities.

      ...And the possibility is only true if you eliminate the other possibilities.

  4. When will this open again, looks like some good good stuff.


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