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Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Gender Identity and Toads

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Genderfluid, she/him. Get it right or I'll be triggered.

Some time ago, a ridiculous person claiming to be an authoritative developer of Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker (Koichi Hayashida, to be exact) claimed that the Toad species is genderless and apparently sexless as well.

KoopaTV is continuing its series of articles dedicated to "Women's History Month" week. Nintendo also got in the act with this poster:

It's unclear who Toadette is referring to when she says "we".

Last time I checked, unless Gender Studies professors and tumblr. "experts" changed things, women are females. If Toadette is there to celebrate Women's History Month and every other person on these posters is unquestionably female, then it's pretty likely Toadette is also female.

That interview with Mr. Hayashida was November 17. 4 days later, his reckless act of retconning got overturned by Super Smash Bros. For Wii U. Behold:

Toadette trophy Super Smash Bros. 4 For Wii U description
"This lady" "her debut" "she's shown" "She loves" "she's quite" "She's also". Definitely female.

So... what about the other Toads?

Let's turn to one of my favourite games, Mario Superstar Baseball, for advice. This came out on the GameCube at 2005. 10 years ago, we didn't have this concept of "you can just pick your own gender and it can just change whenever you felt like it." That's a politically correct and really dumb concept. 10 years ago will give us the truth... uncensored!

Toadette MVP Mario Super Star Baseball description records
"Toad girl" "her profile" "she is" "upbeat girl" "her fast legs". Female!

There seems to be a pattern here of Namco-developed games giving the truth on these issues. I'll take it.

Toad MVP Mario Super Star Baseball description records
"he tries" This also pretty much states that all the identical-looking Toads are also all male.

We know what other female Toads look like if all the Toads that look like that are male. Behold, the Traveling Sisters 3!

Very different than males.

We know these Toads are female because they're the "Traveling Sisters 3". How can you be sisters if you are not female? It's impossible. Toads clearly have gender and sex.

Speaking of sex, Toad children exist in Toad nuclear families. For example, there are Mr. and Mrs. Shroomlock from Mario Party Advance. You hear that? TOADS THAT ARE MARRIED. Yup, MARRIAGE. WITH. KIDS (see Paper Mario). REPRODUCTION. The thing that terrifies so many gender activists, whatever the hell a gender activist is.

Toadsworth MVP Mario Super Star Baseball description records
"he says his life" "he is always" "he lacks stamina" "he makes up" "his long life's". Toadsworth has a mustache, too.

Shinya Hiratake, the director of Captain Toad, had this to say about Toads:
"When you touch a Toad amiibo to the Wii U GamePad, a Pixel Toad appears and hides somewhere within the stage! You can play hide-and-seek with this Pixel Toad, tracking him down and catching him. Personally, I think this is a pretty fun feature, so I hope you'll play this game with your Toad amiibo!!"
The random pixelated blob is a dude, too. Also, Hiratake said:
"I always thought Captain Toad's mushroom head looks sort of like a turban, so I tried to give the world a bit of an Arabian Nights theme, which you don't really see a lot of in the Mario series."
We've actually seen real Toads with turbans. They're called Dryites. By the way, females wear turbans too, so that's not any proof. Ask the Sikhs. Or just ask Sheik, who is also unquestionably female. We'll go more into Middle Eastern fashion and women on Friday. The point is, is that there is absolutely no evidence anywhere that Toads are without gender or sex. Just because some developer said it at some time doesn't make his authority right. Developers can be very senile if they want to. We don't believe in removing the women we have in videogames so they can be classified as "genderless".

Just look at Shigeru Miyamoto. I won't repeat here the awful things he's said about my family, but he's totally discredited.

Peach MVP Mario Super Star Baseball description records MSB GameCube
According to some people, the Toad security force is too busy figuring out what gender they are today than doing their job.

Ludwig is a male. You can refer to him as... well, the third-person writing of these footers answers that. You can Follow him on Miiverse at NNID PrinceOfKoopas. He doesn't call himself the Prince of Koopas for nothing! It helps you remember what gender he is, because apparently gender likes to change without you knowing.

Washing away females in gaming is sort of like Shigeru Miyamoto's misogynistic philosophies, discussed here.
For more on Middle Eastern fashion and women, here is the article we said would be posted Friday.
The KoopaTV Staff actually wanted Yooka-Laylee to address genderfluidity as a game mechanic...
Genderfluidity is different than transgenderism. We think.
Nintendo staff are confusing the world about the Toads’ genders, and later doing the same about their tops.


  1. Birdo is the real gender confusion of Mario.

    And Vivian.

    1. Well, that's been an issue of contention among me and the other staff here for over a decade now.

      For that time period I've maintained that:

      1. Birdo is a species, just like Yoshi. Obviously, this species has male Birdo and female Birdo. There are multiple Birdo. Therefore, there is no "one" Birdo and the Birdo you might see might be different entity than another Birdo you saw.
      2. Vivian is a girl. Period. The Japanese version never explicitly says Vivian ISN'T a girl from a trustworthy source that isn't making an insult/joke. ...Besides, the philosophy that this magical Japanese version we never see must override sensibilities and our own experiences is just plain wrong.

      Meanwhile, Rawk literally used Vivian as the poster child for his article on Caitlyn/Bruce/Brutlyn Jenner. (He enjoys this sort of gender identity diversity, or maybe just likes to perpetuate trouble.)

  2. The Mushroom Kingdom needs to fire all of their toads ASAP.
    Starting with that geezer toad. He sucks at baseball AND keeping the princess safe.

    1. I strongly disagree, since I personally benefit from his suckage.


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