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Wednesday, December 25, 2013

The Real Santa

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We were too distracted to make a KoopaTV Christmas card, so you get this instead.

There is some talk going around if it's right to teach kids that Santa exists. After all, many say he doesn't. Some say he should be a black man. Or even a penguin. And while we love birds at KoopaTV, we reject all of those narratives. We also reject that Santa should be a fat white man. Especially one with a mustache and overalls. After all, there's a better alternative, as I'm about to show you: King Bowser Koopa!

"You better believe it!"

Notice how King Dad's helper is dutifully carrying presents and even has his own hat. Now... see how that plumber treats HIS helpers!

"PUSH HARDER YOSHIII! "But I don't want to!" "GIVE ME MORE!"

That thug isn't having his helper in any hat or anything. In fact, he's forcing Yoshi to undergo disgusting, heinous acts.

King Dad has to work all night AND day to deliver all those presents!
The scum's lust doesn't stop at bestiality. Here he's glaring at our camera for catching him with his call-girl named "Princess".

But KoopaTV's Santa endorsement doesn't engage in lewd acts. As you've seen, he's focused on treating his helpers right and getting those presents out. We hope you appreciate King Dad's hard work in making this year's Christmas a success! See you tomorrow!

King Koopa gives a strong, jolly, hearty laugh to the camera.

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