Koopa Kingdom to boycott Beijing 2022 Olympic Games (with no videogame version)

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We haven't heard anything about this and it starts in four months.

Contrary to a Wikipedia vandal that's been allowed to have their erroneous edits on Wikipedia for the whole month of September (until I reverted it), there is no “Olympic Winter Games Beijing 2022 - The Official Video Game.” SEGA has announced no such title. The official Olympic Video Games website still has the Tokyo 2020 videogames. There's no evidence there will be any videogame support for the Beijing 2022 Olympic Games that begins on February 4, 2022.

...That's super soon. I mean, if there would be a videogame, it would've been announced by now. Surely at the Tokyo Game Show, even. But no such announcement took place.

But even if, say, Koopa Kingdom and the Mushroom Kingdom and... Mobius, I guess, were invited to the Olympic Games, I can say that at least Koopa Kingdom wouldn't come. (Which means no “Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games Beijing 2022” or “Mario & Sonic at the Beijing 2022 Olympic Games”...) Number one, we just had them in Japan a couple of months ago and we're exhausted. Also, we didn't win a single medal.

Behold, one of the laziest excuses for an image on a KoopaTV article in my memory.

FAKE NEWS Bloomberg Writes FAKE NEWS about a Nintendo Switch 4K that doesn't exist

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - At least the videogame company is quick to deny the FAKE NEWS.

Deep breath... deep breath... That's what Wii Fit Trainer is trying to teach me right now as I'm attempting to start writing this article... But it's just so incredibly infuriating.

...gaagghhh

Quick recap to explain why I'm livid: For every year since 2018, Bloomberg News has been reporting that Nintendo has been working on and will release a “Nintendo Switch Pro” system. Eventually in early 2021, FAKE NEWS Bloomberg said this 4K-enabled Nintendo Switch with an OLED screen would be shown at or before E3 2021... which didn't happen. A lot of other media outlets repeated and expanded on Bloomberg's FAKE NEWS (that article provides a massive, comprehensive list), and the whole thing was a massive indictment on how untrustworthy and unreliable the media is. Eventually, Nintendo announced the Nintendo Switch (OLED model), which was definitely not the console that the FAKE NEWS outlets like Bloomberg were hyping up. As retaliation for being wrong on stories they made up, Bloomberg decided to publish some anti-Nintendo hit pieces. Days later, Nintendo's investor relations published a statement stating FAKE NEWS Bloomberg's hit piece was incorrect.

In a just world, FAKE NEWS Bloomberg—and their Japanese tech “journalist” Takashi Mochizuki—would shut up and bow out quietly. Perhaps even do the universe a favour and quit the profession. Unfortunately, FAKE NEWS Bloomberg/Mochizuki is back at it with an article titled “Developers Are Making Games for a Nintendo 4K Console That Doesn’t Exist”. While the headline is correct that a Nintendo 4K console does not exist, Takashi Mochizuki still cited anonymous sources saying that Nintendo could release a 4K Nintendo Switch as early as late 2022. In other words, they're still at it, citing how 11 developers (the only named one being social gaming developer Zynga, though no statement from a named person was obtained and Zynga has separately denied that they have 4K development kits) have received 4K-enabled Nintendo Switch software development kits.

Rather than waiting a few days, months, or not saying anything, Nintendo immediately (in around four hours) put out this statement:

Your Comprehensive Guide to the Super Smash Bros. NintendoVS US Fall Open 2021

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm literally the foremost expert on these things, so I'll answer questions you didn't even know you had.

I am pleased to once again write about Nintendo of America and Battlefy collaborating to bring you a duo of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate tournaments, collectively known as the NintendoVS US Fall Open 2021. They haven't had one of these since October 2020, and these haven't previously been known as an annual series of tournaments. In their heyday, they happened a lot more often. Still, for whatever the reasons there's been a gap, it's here now, so I'm going to write about it as the official* expert on how these Nintendo-sponsored tournaments work.

What is the NintendoVS US Fall Open 2021?

According to the official registration page, “The NintendoVS US Fall Open 2021 tournament features the popular best-of-3 sets and no items during the ladder round. Players in eight regions will have two opportunities to compete over two weekends: October 15 - 16, 2021 and October 29 - 30, 2021. The Four Grand Prize winners from each tournament weekend will be eligible to receive an epic prize package!” I should also note it's free to enter.

I... I'm not into this colour scheme. Sorry, Nintendo.
The black/purple one from October 2020 was really cool, though.

There is a lot to unpack with that statement, so that's what I'll do in the rest of this article. I'll be answering a lot of questions in detail (the answers to which can also be found in the official rules document), and feel free to ask your own in the comments section.

Rush in Monster Hunter Rise... and both are in the Nintendo eShop Blockbuster Sale

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Lots of games are on sale right now. (And lots of other games...aren't.)

There is a lot of excitement coming for Monster Hunter Rise. CAPCOM's big project got first-dibs at last week's Nintendo Direct with news of an expansion: Monster Hunter Rise: Sunbreak. All things Monster Hunter, including Sunbreak, will be the topic of CAPCOM's Tokyo Game Show 2021 presence. They'll also reveal the (final) Capcom Collab #5 there... which segues into part of what this article is about.

In August, Capcom Collab #3 was revealed to be with Street Fighter, where your hunter would get layered armor to look like Akuma. By hunting down a Rajang in the SF: Ultimate Promotion Exam quest and equipping the sword & shield weaponry, you no longer will be a generic anime swordsman but an intense shoto. Your weapons will hide, apparently, and you'll be punching and kicking and doing Street Fighter things that I'm not super familiar with.

Which is why I'm focusing on September and Capcom Collab #4, which is with Mega Man (specifically Mega Man 11) and Rush the robot dog. Pass The Blue Bomber's Best Bud quest (by hunting down a Zinogre to Fuse Man's theme) and you will obtain layered armor for your Palamute mutt to make it look like Rush.

Masahiro Sakurai's Ludwig Hatred Continues: I'm not Bowser Jr., and he can grab his own ledge!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - And neither is Wendy O. Koopa!

I have a well-documented series of articles about Super Smash Bros. series director Masahiro Sakurai's personal hatred of me, Ludwig Von Koopa. From me having the worst end of the stick in the Super Smash Bros. For Wii U reveal out of all the Koopalings, to me having the worst end of the stick in the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate reveal out of all the Koopalings... To Sakurai denying my debut decade and me being the only playable character completely ignored in Spirit Battles at launch. I am the worst-treated Koopaling in this franchise, and I'd say I am in the running for the worst-treated character of any species. Down there with Little Mac.

Last night, Masahiro Sakurai returned to his lows of unwarranted animus towards me with this horrible tweet:

I've archived Sakurai's tweet here, in case he ever does the right thing and deletes this insult.

Obviously, I, Ludwig Von Koopa, am not Bowser Jr. My sister (and nominally fellow KoopaTV staffer) Wendy O. Koopa, is also not Bowser Jr. If Masahiro Sakurai would like to discuss Bowser Jr.'s two forms of grabbing a ledge (one ledge grab with the Clown Car and one ledge grab without the Clown Car after ditching it from using Abandon Ship), he should post an image of... Bowser Jr.

Would it have been so hard to post this image instead?

Look! It's Bowser Jr. with two forms of grabbing...
....Featuring (the actual) Bowser Jr. displaying the two forms of grabbing!

Indeed, Bowser Jr. can grab the ledge without transforming into myself or transforming into my sister. He has grown up to the point where he can grab the ledge ALL BY HIMSELF.


Ludwig had lots of other things he WANTED to write about, especially after that Direct, but no, Masahiro Sakurai is making a fool out of himself and insulting Ludwig's personhood. There's only so many times Ludwig can take this unwarranted loathing from Sakurai before he starts a #SackSakurai hashtag.


While Bowser Jr. can grab a ledge by himself, he'd probably cry if his ledge got trumped.

KoopaTV's LIVE Reactions to the September 23 2021 Nintendo Direct

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Winter 2021 was an obvious con...

Welcome to KoopaTV's reaction log series, this time starring a much-anticipated (aren't they all?) general Nintendo Direct of September. This Direct will supposedly be roughly forty minutes long, with information on Nintendo Switch games releasing this winter. ...I'm fairly certain, before this starts, that there will be games releasing in 2022 featured in this presentation.

Joining me in providing live, unfiltered reaction to the Direct is Heavy Lobster. Kamek makes an appearance... but not as a live reactor.

[5:51 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: https://www.nintendo.com/nintendo-direct/09-23-2021/
[5:56 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Well, I got my glass of milk ready.
[5:56 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Though it won't last the whole forty minutes... unfortunately.
[5:57 PM] HeavyLobster: I'm here.
[5:59 PM] HeavyLobster: One minute.
[5:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...How about...now.
[5:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...Huh, my computer clock is ahead of Discord's?
[5:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: But they should be the same.
[6:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Maybe I need to resyn-... RATING PENDING TO MATURE LET'S GO
[6:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: No intro, just an ominous trailer.
[6:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: With a dragon.
[6:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: CAPCOM Presents
[6:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Well, cool that CAPCOM's up first.

Super Kirby Clash Online Etiquette Guide

By SKY - Sword Hero mains, this one’s for you!

After reading Ludwig’s Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Battle Arena Etiquette Guide, I had the idea to write up something similar for another Nintendo Switch online game that desperately needed one. Presenting to you an online etiquette guide to Super Kirby Clash. I am a Team Kirby Clash Deluxe veteran hoping to improve the sequel’s online experience by helping new players learn how to cooperate and Git Gud.

Introduction

So you ran out of Vigor for Story Quests, and you need more experience to level up, therefore you decided to play online to fill in the remaining gap. Whether you’re a first time online player or a skilled veteran, please read this and don’t sabotage your fellow players. Especially if you’re a Sword Hero main.

This guide is intended for random online battles, though a lot of the tips here can help you when playing with friends and even in single player! The inputs for each attack I mention are covered here, based on using both Joy-Cons for one player. The game also allows you to view the controls by pressing -/+ while changing the role on your profile/form a team screen, or while pausing a battle in single player.

Basics/Tips for Beginners

Beginner players with no upgraded gear should stick to Beam Mage. Why? Because Beam Mage can stop time. Which means the timer won’t go down. Saving time is essential to scoring gold and platinum medals, which net you more experience and therefore make leveling up faster and easier.

Bloomberg Portrays Awful Chinese Parents Happy the Government Parents Their Kids for Them

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm not even sure this is FAKE NEWS.

We have been covering China constantly on this website. Undue weight, actually—though it's absolutely related to videogames, since it's been about China's heavy restrictions on sub-18 year olds’ ability to play videogames. But in today's article, I get to combine anti-China with... anti-Bloomberg, which I've been calling FAKE NEWS Bloomberg after all of the garbage they've been publishing about the videogame industry (and other things).

Their Quicktakes group published this series of short clips asking various Chinese people in China what they think about China's restrictions on children playing videogames. Any person who believes in Western values should be appalled by it:

"No one can control himself...even adults don't have very strong willpower, not to mention children."

Parents in China are praising the government's new policy that uses facial recognition to limit kids' online gaming to just 3 hours a week https://t.co/vFgnPKriAH pic.twitter.com/z26sC02x03

— Bloomberg Quicktake (@Quicktake) September 20, 2021

Here's the thing: I don't think this is FAKE NEWS on Bloomberg's part—although that's also confirmation bias on my part. I don't think this was selectively put together for an agenda: This is probably the average sort of reaction within China. Whether it's from genuine belief, government propaganda, or fear of being sent to a slave labour camp by the government for saying the wrong thing isn't really of much interest to me: it all leads to the same end result that I doubt would change if the Chinese person happened to be relocated to the United States.

Mr. Yi is labelled as a parent, praising the government for being the parent to his children.
So what good does that make him, then?

By the way, I don't consider Bloomberg to be spreading Chinese Communist Party propaganda with their mini report here. (Which might make this article not actually anti-Bloomberg.) This is valuable reporting that people can point to later for just how different the collectivist mindset is. When normal Americans (which excludes people like Tucker Carlson) see this (and they did, because it was “trending” on Twitter), they'll think China is awful, not admirable.

Along with showing utterly useless parents, Bloomberg also had a clip from Tao Ran, who is a former Chinese army man who works in adolescent development in China with an addiction treatment centre that resembles a prison. He kept stating China's new policy is a “last resort”, but he seems REALLY excited about this last resort. He's also excited about how Chinese companies will be using facial recognition technology on devices to check if there's a minor playing their game outside of the 8 to 9 PM Friday through Sunday timeslot. If China's psychological experts are claiming that spying on children is good for their development, clearly China is raising a generation of broken people that will grow up to be... stunted. Well, if that's what America is gonna have to compete with, that should be an easy win for Team Freedom. ...Assuming America (and other members of the team) doesn't go and emulate the commies and authoritarians.


If you were one of those Chinese parents interviewed by Bloomberg and would like to elaborate on your thoughts, feel FREE (a feeling that's foreign to you, but it's a great feeling to have) to do so in the comments section. You are, of course, on a VPN, because KoopaTV is banned within China after publishing too many things against the Chinese Communist Party. And if you're one of the billions of other people not interviewed by Bloomberg, you may also comment as well on your thoughts on what ordinary-looking Chinese people think.


Bloomberg Media Group's CEO has left to make a new venture altogether, still in journalism, and he finds the kind of reporting by Bloomberg presented in this article to be problematic.
Bloomberg isn't giving a Quicktake on how parents feel when the government took their access to games next.

Pokémon Trading Card Game Online → Pokémon "Trading" Card Game Live

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - TCGO to TCGL...and exploring my personal stake in the matter.

For the past decade and a half, The Pokémon Company International (TPCi) has operated Pokémon Trading Card Game Online, henceforth referred to as TCGO. Originally in early 2011, it was in beta as a web-based application. I was one of the very original beta testers, and this was back when Black & White Reshiram and Zekrom were the scariest metagame threats... and before it relaunched out of beta (and into a desktop downloadable offering with tablet support too), I was their beta test case for a permanent account ban. It was very glitchy.

People often ask me why I got banned, and you can imagine me with my sharp wit and polarising personality among... little kids who complained often, especially because they're too underdeveloped to think properly and were very entitled and didn't understand the game was a beta and not in a final state.

Anyway, the trading card game is all of the rage right now, so its online simulator version must be, too? As a result, TPCi today has revealed the successor to TCGO... and announced that TCGO will be sunset in the near future. It's to be called Pokémon Trading Card Game Live, it will be available on desktop and mobile (but not a game console), and here is a very short trailer:

Latios and Latias aren't INCLUSIVE enough. Meet Latixs

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The non-binary Eon Pokémon.

As people are celebrating Eon Heritage Month now in honour of Latias and Latios, the so-called Eon Twins (September happens to be the last time Latios and Latias have been distributed by Event in the West), there's a group of people who feel excluded. Allow me to explain.

You see, Latias and Latios are gendered Legendary Pokémon. Legendary Pokémon with a gender are a mere fraction of all Legendary Pokémon, which themselves are a mere fraction of all Pokémon in general. Usually, they're genderless. Latias is female. Latios is male. But what about people who don't identify as female or male? What Eon do they get? For a while, there was no inclusive answer. But KoopaTV would like to make you aware of... Latixs!

Meet Latixs. Pronouns: They/them.