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Monday, May 19, 2014

John Oliver Disgusts The World

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Or at least me.

I'm not going to embed this video because it's repulsive to look at. But here's a link to it. (Similar to how KoopaTV's sister station, Best of Cain, didn't show the image of those kissing NFL dudes.) John Oliver is one of those liberal comedians, laughing it up at HBO. He's trying to be the next Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert, from what I can tell. Probably because he came from Jon Stewart's Daily Show. 

Basically it's a bunch of Nintendo characters kissing one another in the lips. (That plumber and Link; Zelda and Peach; Yoshi and Toad; and... King Dad and Donkey Kong?!) And not just kissing... it goes into more intimate detail than that, too. The kind of detail we don't want to expose our children to in an E-rated affair.

KoopaTV contributor Rawk on Donkey Kong fan-forum DKVine made a thread a week ago about #Kongquality. Like many things we do, it was a joke. Unfortunately, Mr. Oliver appears to have taken it seriously.

As you may recall, this has happened with things KoopaTV has done before. Namely, George Zimmerman was so inspired by Trayvon Tyson's Punch-Out!! that he decided to try to arrange a real-life celebrity boxing match. Despite his entire defense being that he sucked at fighting, therefore he needed a gun to defend his life from an unarmed teenager. I'm fine with being prophetic like that, but I'd rather be prophetic with pleasurable things. Maybe I should be a meteorologist.

"Promies" aside, I'm more interested in snow closings and delays in May.

I don't even know what to write here, besides that obviously John Oliver is doing parody, so obviously he has the free speech to do it. It's still disgusting, and I have the right to find it repulsive.

I'm not really sure why they gave King Dad a mustache. ...It must be an IMPOSTER. Donkey Kong will never be my step-dad! The feral animal attacked me with a boomerang in the Mario Kart 8 Direct after all!

Anyway, why does this article exist? This "Miiquality" campaign has reached the highest levels of media attention, and people are praising it for its success. It should be abundantly clear that those with traditional values are trying to be made into the minority here, with the media pushing its leftist agenda of public displays of homosexual affection onto us. They bully everyone into submission. We'll continue to fight against these people, but I'd actually like for this story to die now.

One last thing to note: The skit includes one of my big problems with the homosexual agenda: They're working on the wrong problem. Rather than redefining marriage to get those "instant benefits power-ups", they should be trying to replace the burdensome federal tax code that is too long for any of us to read that apparently prevents civil unions from getting the same benefits as marriages. Unfortunately, the homosexual agenda chooses to align itself with the big-government progressives, and for those progressives, the tax code represents their means of control over the people. They have no incentive to have it replaced, and therefore this alliance really hurts the average homosexual out there, who, like every American who isn't extremely well-connected, is a victim of this oppressive tax code.

Ludwig is a Constitutional Conservative who believes the federal government's power should be restricted within the confines of the US Constitution. He's also a big videogame fan, of course.

Ludwig advocates replacing the tax code throughout KoopaTV, like this Tax Day special.
Ellen DeGeneres tries to make a skit next.
Shigeru Miyamoto later tries to also claim King Dad was in a relationship with... him. And they gave birth?


  1. Lol @ "repulsive"

    The only repulsive thing is your ignorance and homophobic website.

    You are an insult to Nintendo fans.

    1. To Ludwig,

      As a Nintendo fan myself, I think you hit the nail on the head. I don't understand why the 1st poster thinks that they speak for every Nintendo fan. And anyone who disagrees with them automatically becomes ignorant. Be careful though. They might try to send you to be re-educated in the 'correct' way of thinking.

    2. I don't wanna be sent anywhere anytime soon except my local Best Buy on June 11 and June 14, quite frankly!

      (sooo hyped)

      But thank you for your kind words, and I mean that unironically this time!

  2. im in the toad and yoshi part :)

  3. John Oliver's show is not for children that should be obvious. That being said, we see kissing on TV all the time but as soon as it's two men it's a public outcry. Grow up the world keeps turning. Let the gays be gay if it makes them happy, it shouldn't bother you.

    1. But the content they're showing is meant for children!

      ...It bothers me personally if they're showing my dad as gay. That's all.


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