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Wednesday, May 28, 2014

The "Brothers" On Ellen

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's a shame I have to put brothers in scare-quotes.

I wonder what will happen this weekend. Two weekends ago, we had this absolutely disgusting John Oliver skit. Now last weekend, Ellen DeGeneres tried to one-up John Oliver. So, who's going to make a skit this weekend? Al Sharpton? I'll embed this one. It's still disgusting, but in another way. John Oliver tried to disgust us visually, while Ellen goes after grossing out our minds. If you don't want that to happen, then don't watch this.


According to this, those brothers are not brothers at all. They're homosexual lovers.

Personally, my favourite one of these stunts were from those conflict mineral activists that KoopaTV talked about here. We discussed back then how that was true to character.

Everything here is intellectually dishonest. Nintendo was not criticized for having a "lack of gay characters in their games." They were criticized (bullied) for not including homosexual marriage (which is, remember, an oxymoron) in Tomodachi Life. Then we have this ear-grating noise that is supposed to be some sort of remix of the Super Mario Bros. theme. Chances are, you can hum the real thing to yourself and compare it to that noise and see they're pretty far off.

Then Mario declares his homosexuality to the world. Now, KoopaTV hates this man. He's an enemy to Koopa Kingdom. BUT, he's not gay and he's certainly not into incest. He also really has five fingers per hand.

Count 'em.

Ellen asked, "where did you first meet?" And those... impersonators... claimed that it was "love at first sight ... you see a man with overalls like that, mama-mia!"

They don't even want to look at one another.
Sure doesn't look like love. And they certainly aren't wearing overalls.

Maybe when they (the impersonators) first met that's what happened, but the moment the REAL duo of destruction met is depicted above. When they were born. Because they're twins. Ellen and her staff obviously never played Yoshi's Island. I don't think they played Yoshi's New Island either, but I kind of hope they didn't.

Okay, let's be serious. Ellen DeGeneres (or as I call her, Ellen Degenerate) is trying to be funny. That means she's bending the truth. (Here at KoopaTV, we're funny AND truthful, but not everyone can be us!) She's trying to make some sort of point. Here's the problem. It's not funny. At all. It's disturbing. And not even the kind of disturbing that gets you a nervous laugh. I don't even know what the point she's trying to make is, besides slandering Nintendo. It's literally like if I made a skit featuring Ellen and her brother, Vance, and had them say they're heterosexual lovers for one another. There's nothing inherently funny about that. You can say humour is also about the delivery, but the delivery on this skit just sucked, because there's nothing to deliver. Even people who usually like Ellen (I obviously don't watch her) can say that, right?

Have we gotten to the point where gay people only find something funny or interesting if it involves some element of gayness? That's dangerous for artistic expression. Who out there found this funny?


Ludwig is a four-fingered heterosexual expert on the history of the Mario Brothers, since they are his sworn enemies. He has many brothers himself, but he doesn't think of any of them romantically. 

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