Why Not Just Have All the Characters Be Miis, Miiyamoto?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The man is also a misogynist.

You probably have no idea what this article is supposed to be about judging by that mess of a title. I just wanted the pun out there.

Shigeru Miyamoto has been in the news a lot lately. Must be all of those post-E3 interviews he's doing. And there is one in particular where he offers his thoughts on female characters in videogames, provided by Kotaku. Obviously I'm going to give my thoughts on it!

First, allow me to state that I actually agree with parts of what Miyamoto is saying. One of the good things about Nintendo is that, unlike nefarious companies like EA, they aren't thrusting themselves into turbulent social agendas. While EA is actively promoting the gay agenda, Nintendo is staying clear of that and maintaining heteronormativity, which is A-OK by me. EA's creative teams (especially those sitting in BioWare) and die-hard fans are the same type of people that would defriend you if you ate at a Chick-fil-A. This is how in-bred terrorists are made, folks.

Yes, that... would be a terrible thing to believe.

We don't need affirmative action in our videogames, folks. That said, just what is up with his "natural story" business? What does that mean? That strong female characters are unnatural?

It's true that Miyamoto prefers his women weak and ditzy. If we listened to him, we probably wouldn't have characters like...

• Cynthia from Pokémon Diamond and Pearl
• Dixie Kong from Donkey Kong Country 2
• Barbara from Rayman Legends
• Jill Valentine from Resident Evil
• Samus Aran from Metroid (not counting Metroid: Other M) 

There was no natural gameplay fit for Cynthia to be the champion of Sinnoh, especially since every other Champion up to that point was male. No reason to change tradition, right? That role is perfectly fit for white males, yeah? So in Miyamoto's world, there can be no change from that unless it's done as a "parody".

Yet Cynthia is one of the most beloved trainers in the entire Pokémon franchise, a feat that is particularly special because she didn't come from Generation 1 or 2. Of course, Generation 4 is the best, but that's for another article.

Dixie Kong wasn't required for gameplay purposes. Diddy is a cool dude who has buddies. He can definitely have more buddies over a girlfriend. That's a boring idea, but gameplay structure requirements aren't sexy (unlike Dixie). Guys can have ponytails too, but you don't need a ponytail to go through the air like that. You could have a propeller, or high movement speed floating, just like Barbara does. Under Miyamoto, Dixie wouldn't exist. (The entire Donkey Kong Country series wouldn't either.)

There is absolutely no need for Barbara to exist in Rayman Legends. I don't actually know anything about that, but the gameplay structure doesn't require it. So under Miyamoto, she wouldn't exist. I dunno if we'd miss anything from that, but whatever.

Jill Valentine and her sandwiches are classic gaming lore. Resident Evil doesn't have a gameplay structure that requires females to be involved, period. Under Miyamoto, no Jill! (And no voice-acting, either.) It's just not natural for strong female characters. In Miyamoto's world, Jill would be in the kitchen making sandwiches on his (possibly upended) tea table, not...almost becoming one.

Of course, Samus Aran could've gone through the entire series being a male and no one would notice. Obviously Metroid: Other M is an exception there with all of the BABY stuff. In that case, there was a natural fit for the main character to be a woman. Not that story matters if Miyamoto is in charge of the game! If characters are a certain gender or have characteristics just to appeal to the player, why not just have all the characters of a game be Miis? Especially if story and characterization don't matter in a Miyamoto world. Complete customization so you the player can be a black male Mii or a bisexual Mii or a male impersonator Mii or whatever pleases you. They can be completely customizable to your tastes and put into any gameplay structure situation. Because it's gameplay-first, right? As long as you got that, do you really need characters?

Then again, this is the only way Mark Block is going to get in a game.

Shigeru Miyamoto is out-of-touch with gamers today. He doesn't even believe that videogames can be considered art, something that almost all gamers agree on. He needs to retire, and soon, before all of Nintendo's characters are replaced by Miis. 

Dixie Kong looks much better as a monkey than as a Mii! (That's hyperlinked so I don't scar your eyes.)
 

Ludwig believes that videogaming is an art form, and that most of the lasting value from games is derived from non-gameplay aspects. Without a diverse and developed set of characters from Nintendo, his fan-fiction series, Events of Star World, couldn't exist. Check it out on deviantART!


For KoopaTV's previous Miyamoto-bashing, click here!
For more Miyamoto bashing over his hatred of characters, look here.
Mark Block gets his own article here.
A Miyamoto thug hates women so much, he claims Toadette is genderless.
KoopaTV celebrates powerful women by proclaiming how they'd be good presidents.
Shigeru Miyamoto's Mii plot is foiled years later with new console hardware.