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Thursday, December 17, 2015

Ludwig Von Koopa's Team Pizza Crusade

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm not done supporting Team Pizza!

We had a rather unfortunate result almost two weeks ago: Team Burgers defeated Team Pizzas in the Splatoon Splatfest, and I put my support behind Team Pizza. What ended up happening? Team Pizza had only 63% popularity vs. Team Burgers and their 37%... and Team Burgers won a whopping (no doubt from Burger King's Whopper) 56% of the time! Since the scoring system heavily weighs winning over popularity, Team Burgers won.

So did my team end up sucking? ...Yes. But we had spirit. I will fight for that slice of pizza!

Ludwig Von Koopa plushie pizza slice Splatoon
It looks so scrumptious! Give me!

But... Team Burgers didn't want me eating the pizza slice. They probably wanted me to eat a burger. So, I summoned my pizza-friendly minions.

Ludwig Von Koopa Inkling Boy Girl Squid plushie amiibo pizza
Inkling Boy! Inkling Girl! Squid! Go, my minions!

How did I summon them? Magic. Better than art and science put together. I mean, I'm literally holding my wand there. So, we will defend that pizza slice from Team Burgers's contamination attempt!

Fight!

Bowser Dark Pit Little Mac Yarn Yoshi amiibo Ludwig Von Koopa plushie
The turf in the centre is the slice of pizza.

Let's take some time to talk about why people are on each side.

I already am a Pizza King and wrote a whole article on being on Team Pizza. All the Splatoon guys are on my side because, obviously, Team Pizza dominated popularity among Inklings.

King Dad and Yoshi are on Team Burgers for reasons already explained in Bowser's dedicated section. Basically, King Dad ran his own burger business, and Yoshi was a frequent customer.

Dark Pit believes that floor food gives you health just as much as Pit would. And the hamburger gives some of the highest amount of health of the food in Kid Icarus: Uprising. Pizza isn't even an option there. Given that, I doubt Dark Pit has ever even eaten a pizza.

Little Mac? He sometimes gets visions of being Big Mac. That just happens to be a hamburger name. McDonald's, to be exact. As someone who lives in the Bronx, New York (a fact highlighted in KoopaTV's very own videogame, Trayvon Tyson's Punch-Out!!), Little Mac would have significant exposure to McDonald's establishments.

We had a long (well, Turf Wars are only three minutes) battle. Actually, it was less of a Turf War and more of the Rainmaker. Except the pizza couldn't be used as a weapon. It's the concept of fighting over an item.

In the end, I got a bite. And more than that, off-screen. We actually won this! (We didn't lose EVERY match! Just a majority of them!)

Ludwig Von Koopa plushie eaten pizza slice plate
If I had opposable thumbs like you humans did, I'd be giving a thumbs-up in this photo-op!

Scrumptious! Victory!

Oh, uh, I didn't hurt King Dad too bad during the Splatfest. He'll be just fine. I hope. I mean, his side won in the end. You should be more concerned for MY well-being! That's what happens when my side has more kids than squids...


No plushies or amiibo were hurt or in contact with grease in the making of this article. Ludwig is opposed to that kind of non-hygienic activity. If you would like to see more Ludwig selfies masquerading as articles, let him know in the comments! This is the first pizza Ludwig has eaten since way before the Team Pizza vs. Team Burgers Splatfest even happened.


Ludwig is clearly putting his recent amiibo purchases to use. Well, non-gaming use, anyway.
Ludwig only does selfie-articles rarely. Here's the first and only other time he did it.
The next Splatfest is Saturday, and Ludwig is on Team Naughty!
Ludwig's enemy eats the enemy food as a publicity stunt.

8 comments :

  1. .........slow news day, huh?

    Just kidding.

    That pizza looks tasty. Now I want pizza.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Spoilers: These were actually taken on the 15th and the pizzas were for Republican debate night.

      Delete
  2. As Marie suggested we should celebrate with a pizza party afterwards, a few days afterwards my husband and I ate pizza afterwards though we are planning to go for burgers very soon. Hey we aren't anti-pizza, we just like burgers more. Now look at how the European teams were labeled in Pineapple on Pizza vs no Pineapple on Pizza. The No Pineapple people were called Anti-Pineapple Fangirl/boy and so on. See this is my European friend's screenshot of becoming an AntiPineapple King: https://d3esbfg30x759i.cloudfront.net/ss/WVW69iqCwsMNUzI9Rz)

    If we hated pizza we would be called Anti-Pizza fangirl/boy etc. now would we?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So you're saying Team Burger are burger fans because they're burger fans, not because they're against pizza.

      That said, Team Burgers WOULD rather have me eating burgers than pizza, so they fought to try to take my pizza away.

      Delete
  3. Team Burgers had the advantage of Burger King on their side, but we had Pizza King which is far superior. Just read the reviews!
    http://www.pizzakingtx.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There doesn't seem to be much in the way of recent reviews...

      Delete
  4. Are you the real Ludwig? We have a mystery on our hands!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Woah, haven't seen you in a while.

      What mystery? Was there ever any doubt I'm not me?

      Delete

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