Watchin' E3 In Our Beautiful Chairs

By RAWKHAWK2010 - WHAT DO I SEE? BELIEVE IT OR NOT IT'S ’TV!



Well, it's almost here. E3 -- the fifth to be experienced by KoopaTV.org. And I, RawkHawk2010, who doesn't write articles unless it's absolutely necessary, which means you know this one's important, recognizes the need to discuss one E3 detail in particular.

The chairs.

Why People Didn't Like The Ultra Sun/Ultra Moon Pokémon Direct

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I can, of course, only speak for myself.

I think Tuesday's Pokémon Direct (June 6, 2017) has a very mixed opinion among the fanbase. KoopaTV live-reacted to it and our staff gave our honest and raw reactions to what we were shown. Consider it a preparation for E3. All of the staff present had a negative reaction. Some staff members believed in FAKE NEWS reports about the existence of a game that hasn't materialised. Others thought we would get the Generation 4 Sinnoh remakes. I myself had no expectations. I saw that The Pokémon Company International promised BIG news that would get fans excited, and I remember that they have a history of toying with what gets people excited.

And so, we got this Direct, which I'll embed once more because I want to talk about it in detail as to why someone like me, who had no hype or expectations going into it, came away disappointed.

The Decapitated Mario Press Conference

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - He's bullying us!

I would like to thank everyone for coming here. I'm pretty nervous right now, and when I get nervous, I tend to make jokes. 

“We're here, on behalf of King Bowser Koopa and the Royal Koopa Family (hence the royal “we”), to discuss what you may have seen circulate the news and social media lately:

King Bowser Koopa holding a decapitated Mario head.
(Photo credit to summoner sky)

We would like to explain the origins of this photo shoot with you today.

We're not afraid of Mario. He's a bully. The Royal Koopa Family has been dealing with white guys trying to keep the Koopas down throughout its whole existence, even since King Bowser was a baby. Regarding the image above, we've been in warzones. We understand how horrifying beheadings are. They're done by those nasty people over at ISIS, who have already claimed the lives of Koopa Troopas.

However... we need to stand up and fight. Mario and his family are personally — PERSONALLY — trying to ruin the lives of Koopa Kingdom's royal family and citizens forever! 

KoopaTV's June 6, 2017 Pokémon Direct LIVE REACTIONS

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Eight minutes of wasting our time, and yours!

Are you hyped for a new pre-E3 2017 Nintendo Direct? This one is brought to you by The Pokémon Company and Game Freak!

There's all sorts of interesting Pokémon stuff we can look forward to. Sinnoh remakes, for example. Will this deliver?

This is taking place in our [Koopa Keep] AIM Blast, featuring... me! RawkHawk2010! AND... Vortexica! Yes, he's alive, folks! 

He might not wish to be after this Direct, though. 

Renamed Details Of Nintendo Switch Online, and Price

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Old information with new names gets a new press release. Plus, exposing FAKE NEWS about licensed products.

About four and a half months ago before Nintendo launched the Nintendo Switch, I published a very detailed analysis article on the then-announced online features that Nintendo will be offering as a subscription service for the Nintendo Switch. I was pretty critical of it.

Since then, Nintendo has updated SOME of the features — they updated two of the four subscriber-only ones, and zero of the four for-everyone features. PLUS, they announced the subscription pricing:

• 1-month membership: $4
• 3-month membership: $8 ($2.67 per month)
• 12-month membership: $20 ($1.67 per month)

Also: Instead of launching in late 2017, the subscription will begin sometime in 2018. Online services will be free until then.

Let's talk about the two updated features and anything else new.

Fidget Spinners Are An Epidemic

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm completely culture-shocked.

Disclaimer: This article is totally out-of-character in terms of KoopaTV's scope and myself. KoopaTV isn't supposed to be my personal blog, but... here we are. I need to say SOMETHING about this, and this is my Internet rant outlet. Still, there's plenty of gaming tangential references mixed in here, just for fun.

On Wednesday I went to the local Chabad for Shavuot, the holiday that the Jews celebrate to mark when we received the Ten Commandments. Afterwards, they have this dairy buffet (the dairy food group is the one customarily associated with the holiday of Shavuot) featuring ICE CREAM. But to get to that, you need to sit through the prayer part and the actual Ten Commandments being read. Free ice cream tends to attract a lot of kids (free anything tends to attract a lot of Jews). I got there at 6:05 PM, which was slightly late (6:00 PM starting time) but relatively early in Jewish-time.

However... slowly but surely, Jews kept coming in. Families with their children. It was then that I started noticing something curious. There were these three-sided freaky devices that looked like Telepathos's hands (I know him from Team Kirby Clash Deluxe) in some of the kids’ hands, and they were spinning the protruding parts. ...Well, okay, it's a prop, sure. But... ALL of the kids had one.

It was the first time I had ever encountered a fidget spinner in-person, only having previously read tales about them from the New Super Luigi U trash-posting community on Miiverse over the past several weeks. They suddenly just exploded in popularity. 

KoopaTV's May 2017 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...Oh hey, now it's June.

We just finished May 2017. What's May known for? The month of our founding, and the penultimate month prior to the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3). Now we're going to have our busiest month OF THE YEAR.

But, prior to that, let's review our May. It was a great May, you know. Lots of fantastic content.

Top Five Recommended Articles of May 2017

This will be our first TOP FIVE in months! Yes, May is the first month since January that had FIVE articles every weekday instead of THREE. And there's certainly enough content to fill a top five, or even more. But then it wouldn't be selective, would it?

1. The Optimal Way to Play Team Kirby Clash Deluxe
2. Finally, The Paper Mario: Color Splash Review 
3. King Bowser's Cook-Out!! 
4. Sonic Forces: Custom Hero — Brilliant, or Disaster?
5. Terror in Manchester, UK! ...Hey, Where's Vortexica?

Those articles are presented in chronological order. Every article on KoopaTV is worth reading, even worthless ones like yesterday's.

Just like our articles, our readers are amazing. So on that note...

Coffee and Gaming

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I play games and I don't drink coffee.

Late last night, President Donald John Trump tweeted, “Despite the constant negative press covfefe”. The tweet is now deleted, but it was there for a while and was apparently his most-retweeted tweet since his inauguration. In its place, the President tweeted this:

Who can figure out the true meaning of "covfefe" ??? Enjoy!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 31, 2017

He never completed his thought. I thought “covfefe” was supposed to be “kerfuffle”, while most people think it was “coverage”. ...KoopaTV staffer RawkHawk2010 believes it was coffee.

So, rather than this week's Wednesday being a Wonderful Wednesday strategy guide for The Wonderful 1237 (it was gonna be Carly Fiorina's minigame!), it's going to be about coffee. What's there to say about coffee? I don't know. I don't drink it. But with respect to our normal publishing schedule, you could say that today is... A COFFEE BREAK!

Fire Emblem Warriors Not a Series Homage... and Advance Wars Has No Love

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Maybe we should've done the Memorial Day article on Advance Wars.

We've brought up almost everything from the Fire Emblem Direct again besides... Fire Emblem Warriors. It's not something I care about, and the latest news from Famitsu magazine will make it something I care about even less.

The biggest takeaway is this:

“The characters that appear are generally from Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon and the Blade of Light and Fire Emblem Awakening, as well as Fire Emblem Fates. This won’t be a gathering of the protagonists from across the series.”

This is in contrast with Hyrule Warriors, which IS a gathering of characters across the whole series, as you can figure out by all of the game-themed DLC packs. (And I didn't get it despite actually being interested in its characters because I sure ain't interested in Warriors gameplay.)

I guess it makes sense if you look at the results from the Fire Emblem Heroes Choose Your Legends ballot. (Check out the excellent analysis from Kantopia.) The top-scoring characters that weren't main protagonists are all from Fire Emblem Awakening or Fire Emblem Fates.

By the way, just to support my point from my Fire Emblem article about Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valencia, Fire Emblem Gaiden got the least amount of votes for its characters of any Fire Emblem game. It wasn't exactly close. Really, no one cared about or liked Fire Emblem Gaiden.

A Memorial for The Law, Which is Dead

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The rule of law is dead on Earth.

I had three ideas for this year's Memorial Day article: This, something about the Fire Emblem series, or something about Vortexica. The latter seems... inappropriate and premature, even given recent circumstances. The middle is a bit redundant given Memorial Day 2016 (see the bottom of this article for a list of our previous Memorial Day articles), and I don't even think it's dead given the hope for Fire Emblem on the Nintendo Switch.

So, we're gonna get political (and/or Ace Attorney) again and just say the whole concept of the law is dead. My basis for this claim is what we said in a KoopaTV article in July of 2016: Hillary Clinton: The Dark Age of the Law.

The entire point of that article was making the claim that the law was dead due to its inequitable application between people like Hillary Clinton, and people like... everyone else. I wrote that,

“The man who will bring us out of these dark ages and into an era of brilliant golden light [is] [...] Donald Trump.”

WELL. We've had President Donald John Trump for over four months now. Is the law still in a dark age? What of Hillary Clinton?

This reoccurring music embed, along with, you know, the title of the article, should let you know my thoughts into the matter: