Starter Pokémon Z-Moves, More Ultra Beasts, Alolan Dugtrio Coming to Pokémon Sun and Moon!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm not going to use Z-Moves in-game, so this seems to be a battle simulator thing.

Are you ready for the imminent release of Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon this Friday? If you're like me, you're not, and you probably won't even get it on release date, November 18. (If you're in Europe, it's November 23.)

The Pokémon Company International has a new video release, detailing exclusive Z-Moves for the fully-evolved forms of the Alolan starter Pokémon, more Ultra Beasts to join the existing cast, and Alolan Diglett/Dugtrio just because.
 

There isn't much to say about those Z-Moves, other than that they look pretty powerful and have really long animations. That just means Pokémon is doing what other RPGs have been doing since the start: Special moves. As recently as Paper Mario: Color Splash (aka what I'm slowly playing through right now — you can check out my latest playthrough Miiverse post right here), I avoid using powerful moves or items if I don't have to. 

The Nintendo Entertainment System: NES Classic Edition is Out

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The Nintendo Entertainment System: Nintendo Entertainment System Classic Edition is now released, but I bet you can't find it.

I would've otherwise forgotten about it, but Nintendo really wants you to know that their latest cash-grab — I mean, made-for-Black-Friday and stocking stuffer — is released. That's right, the Nintendo Entertainment System: NES Classic Edition is finally out! ...Do you care at all? Well, I sure didn't when it was announced, and I still don't care, and I don't understand why anyone else possibly would care. (Then again, I'm told I'm bad at empathising with other people's fears in this post-election world.)

So, is there anything notable to say about it now that I didn't mention back in my July article?

No. There's no surprises or anything. It's still a set of 30 pretty standard NES games in a tiny box that you can plug into an HDTV, featuring the suspend points you'd find in a Virtual Console port and some optional pixel-perfect mode.

Actually, I guess there is one thing, and that's how Nintendo is promoting it. ...But that's not about the Nintendo Entertainment System: NES Classic Edition itself.

The Donald Trump-KoopaTV Kinship

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - He won. Now, why don't you sit quietly and wait for his inauguration?

If you were otherwise confused by yesterday's video-as-an-article (and it was AMAZING, so be sure to watch it), Donald Trump is now the president-elect of the United States. It was a totally unexpected outcome among our staff, and that's coming from the site that endorsed the guy.

We're still bewildered, and it's hard to believe that Donald Trump will actually become the president of the United States.

...A lot of other people in America are also bewildered, and instead of writing articles on it on the Internet, they're going out to the streets and burning the American flag and rioting. But this is America. People will use any excuse possible to riot. It's a national pastime at this point, used as a substitution for playing videogames.

...And I hear that was a MILD demonstration. 

Anyway, why are so many people protesting? What are they protesting? Do they even know? Are they calling for an end to voting?

Let me tell you what Donald Trump really stands for, and why we're very encouraged at KoopaTV about his victory, on a site-level. It's vindication. Because KoopaTV values are Donald Trump values, and Donald Trump values are KoopaTV values. It's just his scale is a lot more YUUUUGE than us.

Donald Trump -- The Miracle Never Happen

By RAWKHAWK2010 - ...

Last night, the 2016 United States presidential election ended in a landslide, 306 to 232. Chances of a last-minute miracle were thusly dashed, and as Koopas far and wide retreat into their shells, we can safely project that it's all over but the crying.

(Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Justice For All spoilers for the following video.)

Staffers at KoopaTV assumed just 24 hours ago that Donald Trump would fail spectacularly, so what in the BLUE HELL was Rawk supposed to do with his heartrending Donald Trump tribute upon America entering an alternate reality on such short notice?!?!? (Last-minute second-long DLC? Well, yeah, that's about all he's got.)

The Melania trial bit in the video refers to Melania Trump plagiarising a speech from Michelle Obama during the Republican National Convention.
KoopaTV might've believed that Trump would fail, but is very happy he did not.
The miracle happened, and he is now the president.

Today Is Election Day 2016

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We'll be watching the results very closely.

Sorry, there isn't enough time in the day for today's gaming news. (Is there gaming news today? Not even bothering to look.) You really shouldn't be on KoopaTV today expecting something substantive, but since we publish something every weekday, here you go.

Today is Election Day, as we wrote about yesterday. At a certain period in the night, the only thing being reported on will be the voting total returns. We'll be glued to that, and you probably should, too. We'll also be glued to today's GameFAQs Poll of the Day, where Giant Meteor is winning a plurality of the votes. 

There's nothing for you on this website, though the comments section always welcomes you.

If, for whatever reason, you've been following KoopaTV and don't know what to do with your own vote (really?), then we'll redirect you to the Trump Card put together by Herman Cain, which boils down the candidates to five critical issues in pretty simplistic terms. You deserve those simplistic terms if you still don't know what the hell you want:

Trump Cards courtesy of KoopaTV's sister station, CainTV.

In addition, take a look at Donald Trump's powerful final closing argument:

This is Hillary's:

You can compare which of these two candidates identifies the problems facing America, and knows what to do to solve them.

Meanwhile, to tie up some loose ends:

1. Regardless of the election results, KoopaTV will continue through Round 11 of the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program, which ends December 30 of 2016. There are some pretty amazing prizes you can get this time, so check it out and please participate on this website.
2. I did end up donating the money I said I'd donate to Trump. Due to federal election laws that foreign nationals can't donate to American presidential campaigns, Koopa Kingdom instead made a charitable contribution to the Trump Foundation, with no strings attached, just like the nation of Qatar did with the Clinton Foundation. 

While the Clinton campaign keeps maintaining that Russia is trying to influence the presidential campaign and such a thing is unprecedented, we'll confirm that Koopa Kingdom is actually doing that influencing.

...We're still fair & balanced, though.
 

No matter how much KoopaTV tries, it cannot help but write something about the election on the day of the election. Please understand the predicament, and please do your part and vote for Donald Trump, and get everyone you know to vote for Donald Trump.


We report the election results here.
KoopaTV gets to exist because Donald Trump won!
Koopa Kingdom is very proud to have influenced a victory.
How about Election Day 2020? KoopaTV is covering that too.

I Believe In Miracles

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We must prevail.

It is almost over. Tomorrow is election day for Donald Trump, Gary Johnson, and Jill Stein supporters. (According to Koopa Kingdom's understanding, if you're a supporter of Hillary Clinton or Evan McMullin, election day is actually November 9 — this is done to ease the otherwise enormous lines and it makes sure everyone gets to vote. Check your local polling station for details.)

KoopaTV has endorsed Donald Trump for president, not just because it's the most correct choice, but because our own site's very survival depends on it. Throughout this entire process (ever since 2015), Hillary Clinton has been in the lead of whomever her Republican or Democratic opponent has been.

However... Here at KoopaTV, we believe in miracles.

A lot of people don't like any of the candidates and believe the United States is doomed no matter what. That it's the end of humanity.

But that's wrong. At the very end, a miracle will happen! And everything will be SCRUMPTIOUS... and it'll be a sexy thing. It's all in your hands, though.

To make sure you all know the importance of this moment in time, we've changed our logo to this:

Just a reminder: Pac-Man-Hillary is a real, canon thing used by Donald Trump in an advertisement he made in 2016. It's more than just an article KoopaTV wrote in 2014, and more than just her prominent role in KoopaTV's videogame, Capture the Confederate Flag.

We're just so in-sync with this guy that he's actively using our own ideas. It's already a miracle that he's come this far. It was miraculous that he managed to claw his way through the primaries. It was miraculous that he managed to make my opinion of him do a complete turn-around, if you read what I was writing about him over a year ago.

One more miracle to go! 


If you are still undecided for some reason, be sure to check out and read all of the articles listed in KoopaTV's Hillary Index. It's informative and light reading. Please be a part of the miracle. Ludwig wants you to appreciate the ideologically fair & balanced division of who votes on November 8, and who votes on November 9. This Miiverse post should also give you an idea of where this is going.


Donald Trump can win if he follows the electoral college map that Nintendo secretly proposed.
Here is KoopaTV's Election Day article, published on Election Day.
Well? Did the miracle happen? Click here to find out.
Donald Trump's victory reflects on KoopaTV.
Donald Trump was successfully inaugurated!

Five Women We'd Rather Have As President Than Hillary Clinton

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We're fine with a woman, just not that woman.

Let's face it: We haven't completed our mission at KoopaTV to inform and entertain enough people with the facts. If we have, the presidential polling wouldn't be looking the way it is right now. (Then again, the polls are rigged.)

As a result, we have to now resort to a clickbait-sounding listicle to grab your attention. You've brought this upon yourself.

We've thought up of five women that would be a better president of the United States than Hillary Clinton. These aren't the top five women out there, but any of them would still be a better choice than her. Believe me. I know one of them personally. Hillary constantly claims we're sexist for opposing her, and that being a woman is her most important qualification. That's wrong.

Without further ado, the listicle begins:

Capture the Confederate Flag Strategy Guide Part 2: Secret Power & The States

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Learn everything you need to learn about the Confederate States of America!

Now that you know the basics of KoopaTV's free hit PC game, Capture the Confederate Flag, it's time we take a deep dive into the specifics of the fully-explorable world contained therein.

We're going to go state-by-state, telling you what's there, and what your Secret Power move does! As we mentioned before, Secret Power's effects depend on where you're using it. We really wanted to highlight the differences of each state, and provide some educational content as well. So, there was a lot of design and research that went into these Secret Power moves. Secret Power may be Robert E. Lillipup's only attack, but it's very flexible.

I want to state ahead of time that all Secret Power moves have the basic properties of being 60% their size as Lillipup, 80% their normal size as Herdier, 100% their normal size as Stoutland, and 120% their normal size when you're riding Metagross. The result is that it's easier to hit opponents with the bigger hitbox. Also, in general, all of the moves are cancelable, meaning you can cancel the move's animation by pressing the space-bar again to start the move again.

Washington D.C.

Borders

Virginia to the west.

Features

This is where the Confederate Flag is being held. You'll need to continually return here throughout the game.

Sometimes, Robert E. Lee's casket will appear before the flag does. By walking up to it, you'll trigger a short cutscene, and something will happen, be it evolution or picking up a particularly important item.

Enemies

None, although Hillary Clinton will start following you from here, so you better leave soon.

Secret Power Move:

Name: Powerless.

Picture:

“Go back to Dixie you mutt.” Lillipup in Washington D.C.

Effects: You'll trigger a voice that says, “Go back to Dixie you mutt.” Nothing happens otherwise.

Base Damage: 0.

Evolution Differences: None. There's a different voice that plays if you're riding Metagross, but this can only happen in the most difficult ending to get.

Explanation: Robert's power derives from being within the South. When outside of it, he is out of his element and is effectively powerless.

Once More, False Rumours Around the Wii U's Production

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Emily Rogers and the gaming media are frauds, but what else is new?

So all around social media, people were making eulogies to the Wii U. A select few annoying people were crying over about it on Miiverse. Why? Because some irresponsible “journalists” at Eurogamer claimed “The final Wii U will roll off production line this week”, citing anonymous sources. (This week being November 4.) One of those sources is apparently perpetual-leaker Emily Rogers, with her own anonymous sources, who tweeted this and then immediately shared Eurogamer's article:

Fraudulent Rogers doesn't pass as an “official source” folks, and it doesn't matter if she's sometimes correct.

Nintendo in Eurogamer's article “declined to comment when contacted about this article.”

This all sounds so familiar... oh, right. Because the media widely reported this exact same story back in March! That was when we singled out international financial news source Reuters as being a dishonest outfit of information. Reuters spread a Nikkei report, which was debunked ALMOST immediately by Nintendo. Then they never corrected their readers with the facts.

KoopaTV's October 2016 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Very, very important news about the future of KoopaTV.

Everything is so stressful lately. Hopefully, you all appreciate the work that goes into KoopaTV, so you'll allow us to reflect on all we did in the past month. But there's some talk of the future to address as well.

Let's get the most important bit of news out of the way. This might've been vaguely alluded to, but it's about time we make it official:

If Hillary Clinton Becomes President, KoopaTV Ends

This isn't us making an October-fools/Halloween joke, like we did in 2014.

We've been discussing this internally for months, though at a time when Hillary's odds of winning the presidential election were... lower than they are right now. We decided that, due to Hillary's positions on freedom of speech, it would be unwise for us to continue KoopaTV. If anyone else is president, we'll keep going. And we'd love to.

But really, for our own good and safety, it's best to just allow ourselves to be silenced. We won't shut down the domain or anything (Ludwig will keep paying $12 to renew the domain name...forever?) and all of KoopaTV's excellence will be archived and backed up, because it's a piece of Internet history. But we'll definitely need to stay out of the public eye, lest Hillary launch a nuclear warhead in our direction for criticising her. And that's not just paranoia — she already has had choice things to say about bloggers, and she's been connected with many “unfortunate accidents.”

Now, with that out of the way, let's actually review October 2016, shall we?