If you were otherwise confused by yesterday's video-as-an-article (and it was AMAZING, so be sure to watch it), Donald Trump is now the president-elect of the United States. It was a totally unexpected outcome among our staff, and that's coming from the site that endorsed the guy.
We're still bewildered, and it's hard to believe that Donald Trump will actually become the president of the United States.
...A lot of other people in America are also bewildered, and instead of writing articles on it on the Internet, they're going out to the streets and burning the American flag and rioting. But this is America. People will use any excuse possible to riot. It's a national pastime at this point, used as a substitution for playing videogames.
...And I hear that was a MILD demonstration.
Anyway, why are so many people protesting? What are they protesting? Do they even know? Are they calling for an end to voting?
Let me tell you what Donald Trump really stands for, and why we're very encouraged at KoopaTV about his victory, on a site-level. It's vindication. Because KoopaTV values are Donald Trump values, and Donald Trump values are KoopaTV values. It's just his scale is a lot more YUUUUGE than us.
KoopaTV believes in telling the Truth, even when it's unpopular or controversial to do so. So does Donald Trump.
KoopaTV believes in always having a sense of Levity, even in the most trying of times. So does Donald Trump.
KoopaTV constantly keeps tabs on the mainstream and gaming media, bashing them and keeping them in check. So does Donald Trump (just replace gaming media with political media).
KoopaTV is not afraid to take on the establishment. So is Donald Trump.
KoopaTV goes on tangents all the time, and so does Donald Trump!
Donald Trump's style is a mirror of KoopaTV's, and he is basically KoopaTV personified... and then multiplied by a factor of millions. He's like what KoopaTV would be if we had billions of dollars in wealth, as opposed to bleeding money on a domain name, renting a Sierra Leone office, and hundreds of dollars in KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program rewards over the years (with a $50 value in this round's prizes, by the way). (Did I mention we go on tangents all the time? We have the best tangents. Believe me!)
We declared that if Hillary Clinton became president of the United States, we'd stop KoopaTV. There's a variety of reasons why, but they range from fear of being audited by the IRS (something she liked to do against her political opponents, including Herman Cain and everyone mentioned here) to the fact that her victory would represent a rejection of everything KoopaTV stands for. Since the United States is most of our audience, and the United States would be rejecting us in such an obvious fashion, there's not much point to keep expending the incredible amount of effort it takes to run KoopaTV and make awesome content for it every day. We do it to influence the discourse. If we're failing at that, then what difference at this point does it make if we stop?The DNC Rigged the System for her The Media Covered for her but the American People didn't want #CrookedHillary NOW Let's #LockHerUp pic.twitter.com/k6MvWEdgno— John Cheney🇺🇸MAGA (@JrcheneyJohn) November 10, 2016
Fortunately, this result, along with the Brexit result that we also supported, proves that there is a tremendous appetite for KoopaTV's style out in the world, and in every possible permutation. Whatever bland, destructive establishment exists must be torn down with truth-telling and levity! From politics, to gaming, to whatever other things people like to do. There probably is a movie version of KoopaTV, multiple sports ones, maybe some foodie KoopaTVs...
...But I'm not aware of any directly comparable sites to KoopaTV within our focus. Since Trump's victory proves there is desire for our style, we therefore have a lot of room to grow. So we'd like your help to extend our territory.
Speaking of territory, if the protestors are going to burn down the whole country in anger, perhaps Koopa Kingdom will be able to annex the United States like we did when Alberta burned down. Not that we're that interested, but it's something to consider, I guess!
Do you want KoopaTV to write about games again? Then tell the American public to stop doing stupid crap so everyone can move on, at least until January. At least Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon are released next week, right?
It's January, and we welcome PRESIDENT DONALD JOHN TRUMP.