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Thursday, November 10, 2016

The Donald Trump-KoopaTV Kinship

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - He won. Now, why don't you sit quietly and wait for his inauguration?

If you were otherwise confused by yesterday's video-as-an-article (and it was AMAZING, so be sure to watch it), Donald Trump is now the president-elect of the United States. It was a totally unexpected outcome among our staff, and that's coming from the site that endorsed the guy.

We're still bewildered, and it's hard to believe that Donald Trump will actually become the president of the United States.

...A lot of other people in America are also bewildered, and instead of writing articles on it on the Internet, they're going out to the streets and burning the American flag and rioting. But this is America. People will use any excuse possible to riot. It's a national pastime at this point, used as a substitution for playing videogames.

...And I hear that was a MILD demonstration. 

Anyway, why are so many people protesting? What are they protesting? Do they even know? Are they calling for an end to voting?

Let me tell you what Donald Trump really stands for, and why we're very encouraged at KoopaTV about his victory, on a site-level. It's vindication. Because KoopaTV values are Donald Trump values, and Donald Trump values are KoopaTV values. It's just his scale is a lot more YUUUUGE than us.

KoopaTV believes in telling the Truth, even when it's unpopular or controversial to do so. So does Donald Trump.

KoopaTV believes in always having a sense of Levity, even in the most trying of times. So does Donald Trump.

KoopaTV constantly keeps tabs on the mainstream and gaming media, bashing them and keeping them in check. So does Donald Trump (just replace gaming media with political media).

KoopaTV is not afraid to take on the establishment. So is Donald Trump.

KoopaTV goes on tangents all the time, and so does Donald Trump!

Donald Trump's style is a mirror of KoopaTV's, and he is basically KoopaTV personified... and then multiplied by a factor of millions. He's like what KoopaTV would be if we had billions of dollars in wealth, as opposed to bleeding money on a domain name, renting a Sierra Leone office, and hundreds of dollars in KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program rewards over the years (with a $50 value in this round's prizes, by the way). (Did I mention we go on tangents all the time? We have the best tangents. Believe me!)

We declared that if Hillary Clinton became president of the United States, we'd stop KoopaTV. There's a variety of reasons why, but they range from fear of being audited by the IRS (something she liked to do against her political opponents, including Herman Cain and everyone mentioned here) to the fact that her victory would represent a rejection of everything KoopaTV stands for. Since the United States is most of our audience, and the United States would be rejecting us in such an obvious fashion, there's not much point to keep expending the incredible amount of effort it takes to run KoopaTV and make awesome content for it every day. We do it to influence the discourse. If we're failing at that, then what difference at this point does it make if we stop?

Fortunately, this result, along with the Brexit result that we also supported, proves that there is a tremendous appetite for KoopaTV's style out in the world, and in every possible permutation. Whatever bland, destructive establishment exists must be torn down with truth-telling and levity! From politics, to gaming, to whatever other things people like to do. There probably is a movie version of KoopaTV, multiple sports ones, maybe some foodie KoopaTVs...

...But I'm not aware of any directly comparable sites to KoopaTV within our focus. Since Trump's victory proves there is desire for our style, we therefore have a lot of room to grow. So we'd like your help to extend our territory.

Speaking of territory, if the protestors are going to burn down the whole country in anger, perhaps Koopa Kingdom will be able to annex the United States like we did when Alberta burned down. Not that we're that interested, but it's something to consider, I guess!

Do you want KoopaTV to write about games again? Then tell the American public to stop doing stupid crap so everyone can move on, at least until January. At least Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon are released next week, right?

It's January, and we welcome PRESIDENT DONALD JOHN TRUMP.


  1. There were people who protested when Obama was president-elect as well, so I don't really see the problem as long as they are following the law. Under the first amendment, everyone has the right to protest no matter what the reason may be. Although a person may not agree with them, everyone should respect each others' right. The ones that are looting and causing violence, however, have crossed the line and should be dealt with accordingly.

    1. If you could link me to where people were rioting and burning down flags when Obama won in 2008, that'd be great.

    2. The majority were just Tea Party protesters in 2009. I never said that they burned flags or anything like that.
      Here's one in 2012, however.

    3. I just want to reiterate my point that I don't agree with those who are rioting. They should face jail time for their actions. I was only talking about the peaceful protesters like the guy here.

      Do I agree with them? No, but they still have the right to protest just as the Tea Party members did.

    4. Right, and I remember the Tea Party protesters. However, March 2009 is clearly after when he actually took office.

      And, of course, the Tea Partiers had some of the most mildest and peaceful protests you could ever have, and they actually cleaned up after themselves. They're the models everyone else should aspire to.

      (And somehow at the University of Mississippi, lighting signs on fire is a compatible statement with no property was damaged. Miraculous!)

    5. I never said in this article they didn't have the right to protest. I just asked these questions:
      “Anyway, why are so many people protesting? What are they protesting? Do they even know? Are they calling for an end to voting?”

    6. I'm sorry but after reading this thread, I just could not resist from posting. You can call me out on it, but I will call you out on your lie as well. The tea party protests were peaceful? Hahahaha! I would love to see how you explain this.
      It's also funny that the guy who said he wants to "drain the swamp" is going to place some of the most despised politicians in the country in his cabinet. Oh the irony! He is nothing more than a wolf in sheep's clothing as I have said all along. I'm not actually afraid of him, though. It's Mike Pence who I'm afraid of. Even if Trump isn't impeached, Pence will be the one actually running the country just like Cheney did during the Bush years. Here's just a few examples of what President Pence will bring to America.
      Are you still happy with your decision, Ludwig?

    7. One last thing, I find it hypocritical that Trump says that the protesters, the majority which are peaceful (remember that the media only shows the bad ones and never the good ones) should not exercise their right when he called for the exact same thing four years ago!

    8. Colourful signs aren't the same as burning stuff down, dude.
      We can talk about who Trump picks for his cabinet when those selections are official.

      As for Pence, I don't know if I'm on record saying it, but the other KoopaTV staffers are well-aware that I never supported Pence to be the VP candidate. And I still don't.

      Trump seemed pretty proud of the protestors outside of his tower, for whatever reason.

      I don't think they should (if they're genuine protestors) protest unless they realise exactly what they're protesting.

      Speaking of being genuine, I was wondering if you were getting paid by CTR to comment here. The election is over, so you can disclose that, right?

    9. Do you really think that I would be paid to post on a site that barely receives any traffic? No, I'm just a concerned citizen. I found this site through a Google search and decided to stick around for the humor. I'm just trying to convince you to change your ways. Because you have attacked me, I'm going to attack you back. Are you being paid by the Trump campaign to post positive articles about him? Answer truthfully.

    10. Still waiting...
      I will be honest with you. Hillary may not be the best, but she is FAR more qualified than Trump will ever be. He has used tactics straight out of an Orwellian dystopia, and his supporters were oblivious to all of the signs.

    11. C'mon, the site says right next to the new comment box,
      "Expect a reply between 1 minute to 24 hours."
      Not two and a half hours. >_>

      We haven't been paid by the Trump campaign, but we have paid the Trump campaign in contributions and purchasing MAGA hats.

      You'll notice most of our election coverage isn't really positive about Trump, but overwhelmingly negative about Hillary.

      C'mon, that 1984 article's examples were stuff that could happen (anything could happen), not stuff that HAS happened. Amusing, perhaps, but hardly evidence of anything.

      Strictly looking at her résumé, she's more qualified, but there are many reasons out in the real world why the most qualified candidate doesn't get the job. (As frustrating as some of those are.)

      But thanks for sticking around for the humour. We try our best. :)

  2. Replies
    1. Also Alberta didn't burn down you fucktard I live here -.-. It was literally 1 small fuckin town and I don't see yo dumbass annexin shit so foh smh

  3. I find it ironic how people who were frustrated with Trump's ideas of doubting the election if Hillary were elected are now doing the converse.

    But sure, people out there can protest. Some folks at my school take this whole election thing way too seriously, though. "Those Southerners and Midwesterners have doomed us all!" Um, not really. Not to say I have no problems with Trump myself. But he's not the end of the world, by a long shot.

    1. It's not the first time those people are hypocrites, and it won't be the last!

      Sure, they can protest, but what are they protesting? That they didn't go out and actually vote?

  4. There is another Zelda concern a less than hour drive away near me this SUnday and I tossed in another reason in the "better not to go" bin, including it is only a few new songs as I was in one of their concerts recently, third trimester symptoms acting up, and now protesters possibly blocking traffic. Thanks a lot protesters.

    1. ...Oh, concert, not concern.

      So the protestors are against Zelda and music, huh.

    2. I meant they would block traffic in general. SO would mess up travel plans even more.

    3. Would that be worse than Chris Christie's Bridgegate, which was also done for political vengeance? :o


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