KoopaTV's Live Reactions to The Game Awards 2022

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - With a Bill Clinton cameo, was this as bad as we expected it to be?

If it won't be obvious enough from the reaction log, I hate The Game Awards and I have a very low opinion of Geoff Keighley. I don't subscribe to the idea that The Game Awards ought to be considered the canon, official ceremony for what is definitively the best game of the year. Still, KoopaTV does a masochistic thing every year and watches The Game Awards anyway. Well, this year it's just me. I'm the only actual masochist on the staff. Everyone else is normally adjusted. Let's get right into things.

You can read this reaction log in a small fraction of the time versus watching the three and a half hours of The Game Awards.

[7:18 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vl9yakt_5tc
[7:20 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I don't wanna do this... I could use the time to do something fun. Like play Triangle Strategy.
[7:21 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: That said, people do actually read these.
[7:22 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Like, for The Game Awards specifically. Must mean that people value me watching the event for them so they don't have to. My suffering absolves those of others.
[7:22 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: This must be how Jesus felt.
[7:22 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (...Or so the legends say.)
[7:28 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: It probably comes across as strange that KoopaTV still boycotts Summer Game(s) Fest but (begrudgingly) watches The Game Awards each year, even though it's guaranteed to be a bad use of time and a terrible experience.
[7:29 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: This must be how American conservatives feel.
[7:29 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: As the country makes "progress" down a (once-deemed) slippery slope and they can do nothing but slow it down slightly.
[7:31 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And it begins now.
[7:31 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: For the first time in a few years, I successfully screenshotted the viewer discretion screen. It's more fancy this year.
[7:32 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Apparently, The Game Awards actually begins in 30 minutes, according to Sydnee Goodman.
[7:32 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: This is a pre-show, likened to "DLC you play before vanilla." What?
[7:33 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The first thing is Dead Cells featuring Richter and Alucard. Very animated.
[7:33 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (Also not an award)
[7:34 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Dracula is here too.
[7:34 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Dead Cells: Return to Castlevania.
[7:34 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Ah, here's a first award.
[7:34 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "First mobile game."
[7:34 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Yeah, get that out of the way.
[7:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Who are these weirdos in the audience cheering for mobile trash?
[7:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Marvel Snap" won the best mobile game of 2022, and some ridiculous guy got the award (Ben Brode) and is screaming.
[7:36 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He's ridiculous because of the EMPHASIS he puts on RANDOM WORDS.
[7:36 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "This year we're partnering with Discord." Nah, I'll stay in the Koopa Keep server shell.
[7:38 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Preferably with my eyes not peeping out of my head hole so I don't have to pay attention.
[7:39 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "I love that I'm actually getting paid to watch these right now." Says Sydnee Goodman. Getting paid to watch this is the only way to make this barely tolerable. (I'm not getting paid for this. If you want to donate to KoopaTV, do some crypto thing I don't understand and send to koopatv.eth)
[7:41 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Oh, while I was getting raisins (to...raise... my spirits), they're doing an award for best fighting game of 2022. It goes to Multiversus. Yeah, a so-called "Smash killer."
[7:44 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The raisins are nice.
[7:46 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're about to marathon through eSports categories. (Valorant won best eSports game. Someone named "Yay" is the best athlete. "Loud" is the best team. "Bzka" is the best coach. 2022 League of Legends World Championship was the best eSports event.)
Sydnee is too lazy to read the names of the nominees and is just displaying them on-screen. That is very unhelpful for any blind viewers relying on narration, or for Koopas keeping their eyes in their shells.
[7:47 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I might've dropped a raisin, but it's too dark to be able to find it.
[7:48 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: According to a Hotel Mari0 cutscene, when it's dark and you didn't bring a light, you must find a persuadable Koopa to lend you his. I...don't have a light.
[7:50 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Commercial break. Got a light. I can't find a raisin. It's a purple raisin, not a golden raisin, so it's harder to find. I don't think I actually dropped one.
[7:52 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Oof, I ate all the raisins I brought.
[7:52 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: That only lasted ten minutes.
[7:52 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Here's a special announcement from Among Us!"
[7:54 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Hide N Seek new game mode!" coming tomorrow.
[7:56 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: There's a game called "After Us" (that premiered after "Among Us"... intentional?) about a girl that wanders a desolate environment to revive objects and things, including flowers popping up when she walks and having a big dog spirit fly out of a dog skeleton. (Greavard?)
[7:57 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: This next game is developed by "sadcat studios"
[7:57 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Actually, there's a space. "Sad Cat Studios"
[7:58 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Developing "Replaced".
[7:58 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: BEST FAMILY GAME?
[7:58 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: IN THE PRESHOW?
[7:58 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: AKA Nintendo category

Getting the Nintendo category out of the way before too many people are watching, eh?

[7:58 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: She's actually reading the game names.
[7:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Kirby and the Forgotten Land won the award, and Doug Bowser (Nintendo of America president) appears to accept the award. He was almost guaranteed to come up to win this award.
[8:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Special world premiere of Street Fighter VI.
[8:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (Or did they change it to Street Fighter 6?)
[8:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: wtf dat ain't Guile
[8:01 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're namedropping several characters like Manon and Dee Jay that I assume haven't been shown (to return) in this game yet.
[8:02 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They... it's called Street Fighter VI, but then they rotated the logo to look like a 6.
[8:02 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...So I'm really not sure wot it's supposed to be. Roman or Arabic?
[8:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Sydnee is finally going away, but an even greater evil awaits... Geoff Keighley.
[8:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: BOOO
[8:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Oh no, they brought the Muppets back.
[8:06 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Geoff Keighley said there will be a "first-ever clip" from The Super Mari0 Bros. Movie. (We've had at least a couple!)
[8:07 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Geoff Keighley is having Hollywood people (Al Pacino) announce "the first game award" because the ones in the pre-show are fake, I guess.
[8:07 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "In truth, I don't play a whole lot of videogames." Alrighty...
[8:08 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Geoff Keighley is trying to make himself look better by introducing someone even more embarrassing than him to kick the real show off.
[8:09 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He says he can't see the teleprompter, so he's reading very slowly with a lot of pauses.
[8:10 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Somehow him having a terrible and very long performance on that stage to get through a generic speech segues to "the nominees for best performance of the year". Very ironic, I guess. The audience is cheering this guy doing arm curls with the trophy.
[8:10 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Kratos's actor from god of war ragnarok won the award, Christopher Judge.
[8:12 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: We're gonna have to sit through every award recipient thank each member of their family.
[8:14 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Don't these people have time limits?
[8:14 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He's still going.
[8:15 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I hope Will Smith appears and slaps someone.
[8:15 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: It's been five minutes already and he shows no signs of stopping.
[8:15 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He's telling his whole life story.

They'd later say that Kratos is a man of few words.

[8:17 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He's rambling about his lost loves now.
[8:18 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're playing background music which is either trying to make him leave or it's trying to encourage him.
[8:18 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The music is getting louder.
[8:18 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Finally he's going.
[8:18 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: EIGHT MINUTE SPEECH.
[8:19 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Reminder he's just an actor. He's not even part of the game development team.
[8:21 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Supergiant Games (developer of games like Hades) new game announcement. Or new animated cutscene announcement I dunno. Alright, it's a game. In fact, it's a good thing I mentioned Hades, because the announcement is Hades II.
[8:22 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Meanwhile, Geoff Keighley is showing a world premiere that gets him "excited about the future of our medium." A new game from those that brought you Bioshock.
[8:24 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: It's called Judas. ...I wonder if that name is supposed to reference something.
[8:25 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Bayonetta trailer? Why?
[8:25 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Bayonetta... Origins?
[8:25 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Uh...
[8:25 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Well, that's a different genre for sure.
[8:26 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...Isn't this just Okami?
[8:26 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: THERE'S EVEN A WHITE WOLF

The art style and the enemies popping up and making a dark battlefield you don't exit is Okami-esque. And the white wolf.

[8:27 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Bayonetta Origins: Cereza and the Lost Demon: March 2023 (available for pre-order now)
[8:28 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: There's an Among Us Geoff Keighley mask???
[8:28 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Commercial break, featuring... Discord being wholesome?
[8:29 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Nintendo Switch game commercial. "MORE FUN!"
[8:29 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "See where the fun takes you in 2023."
[8:32 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I went to get a bunch of dried fruit. More raisins, dried mango, and dried cantaloupe slices. And... I came back to a musical performance??
[8:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I like this fruit more than this performance. It's from god of war ragnarok and Christopher Judge (almost wrote Judd) is applauding in the audience.
[8:36 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Geoff Keighley is getting some actress from a Netflix show to present this next award.
[8:37 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...actually, it's to... advertise this new film.
[8:37 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And the new film has an Among Us cameo??
[8:38 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The Game Award for Best Debut Indie goes to Stray.
[8:39 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're thanking their cats for the award.
[8:39 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And their speech ended. Short and sweet.
[8:44 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're doing a tribute to Kevin Conway, and he managed to voice a new game before going out.
[8:45 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're doing a "Future Class" "inclusive" segment.
[8:45 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: This guy is a street dancer... I dunno.
[8:45 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I think this is an AMD commercial.
[8:47 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: This commercial features a Spartan bull.

moo

[8:49 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (It's a fighting game called Party Animals that would come out in 2022 if it wasn't being delayed to 2023.)
[8:51 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: OH NO SYDNEE GOODMAN IS BACK to present an award. "Best Adaptation" to "celebrate" when gaming stories are put to film and television. Featuring Arcane: League of Legends, Cyberpunk: Edgerunners, The Cuphead Show!, Sonic the Hedgehog 2, and Uncharted. (She still didn't read the nominees, instead letting the trailers do that.) Arcane: League of Legends won.
[8:54 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're showing a trailer for a "long-awaited" Star Wars game. Meanwhile, I think all of this dried fruit probably is way too much sugar.
[8:55 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (Star Wars: Jedi Survivor) wtf there's a dude with a lightsabre on the stage I thought they don't allow weapons in the theatre
[8:57 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Geoff Keighley plugging a Canadian indie (maker of Celeste), which he describes as his home country. ...Looks like it's trying to be Hollow Knight.
[8:58 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (But less bug-themed) It's called Earthblade, coming in 2024, AKA forever.
[9:02 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Geoff Keighley is discussing discounts on nominated games across all the gaming platforms. The Nintendo Switch eShop is offering the "Critically Acclaimed Partner Sale" (notably doesn't mention The Game Awards) running for the next ten days, which features... an odd set of games on sale, including Okami HD and Hollow Knight. (So they ARE trying to copy those games' styles?)
[9:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They have a commercial for Genshin Impact and I literally thought it was Fire Emblem Engage. (I really don't like that art style!)
[9:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Geoff Keighley is hyping up "one of gaming's most visionary studios" and that we have the honour of watching this trailer from Sony Interactive Entertainment.
[9:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...developed by Kojima Productions. OF COURSE.
[9:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Keighley's favourite. Features a (single?) woman with a baby.
[9:06 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Apparently in some manner of trouble.
[9:06 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Reminds me of Death Stranding.
[9:06 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: That had a baby too, right?
[9:07 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: This baby is also freaky.
[9:07 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: OH.
[9:07 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: IT'S DEATH STRANDING 2.
[9:07 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: It's supposed to remind me of that.
[9:08 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Norman Reedus is back.
[9:08 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Wait, this trailer is still going?
[9:08 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: It's some kind of music video?
[9:08 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Tentacle?
[9:09 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (Octarian?)
[9:09 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're welcoming Hideo Kojima on stage.
[9:09 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (And his translator.)
[9:11 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The conversation with Keighley is useless. Apparently, the Chinese Coronavirus Virus pandemic made Kojima rewrite his whole proposed script.
[9:11 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I appreciate the closed-captions is just [SPEAKING JAPANESE]

He wasn't saying much of anything important.

[9:15 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Rahul Kohli" is an actor from a Ghostbusters movie to do this next award. (He's not admitting if he actually plays games or not.) But he's doing the award for Best Narrative. The award goes to god of war ragnarok. OH NO I HOPE THERE ISN'T ANOTHER EIGHT-MINUTE SPEECH FROM THESE PEOPLE.
[9:15 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Fortunately it's not Christopher Judge but a guy from Sony.
[9:16 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He gives a shout-out to Sony's IT team. First time that's ever happened.
[9:17 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Going to Tekken 8 gameplay trailer, or "world premiere."
[9:18 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: KAZUYA MISHIMA
[9:19 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (wasn't clear if he won)
[9:21 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Geoff Keighley himself is doing the award for Best Art Direction, for Elden Ring. Oh, it's a speedrun. Immediately going to Best VR/AR Game, for Moss: Book II. Next, Best Sim/Strategy game. Award to Mari0 + Rabbids Sparks of Hope. Now Best Community Support presented by Discord goes to Final Fantasy XIV. I'm upset Triangle Strategy wasn't nominated for the first and third of these. And now a trailer for a game whose name I wasn't paying attention to.
[9:22 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Nightingale"
[9:23 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: SEA OF THIEVES in an Xbox Game Pass advert.
[9:24 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: AHHHH
[9:24 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: FINALLY
[9:24 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: THE OBLIGATORY ANTI-VAPING COMMERCIAL
[9:26 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (Like, if you look at the history, and KoopaTV's past logs have noticed this, but they have an anti-vaping commercial every year. Or more than one.)
[9:27 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The winner of "Games for Impact" is As Dusk Falls.
[9:28 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: YOOO THERE'S ONE GUY IN THE AUDIENCE WEARING A MASK LET'S GOO

How many masks can you count in this audience?
Will it turn out to be another super-spreader event?

[9:28 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I know people are still getting the Chinese Communist Party Virus and are actually getting VERY sick from it, not like a mild flu or anything.
[9:29 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I took a screenshot of him and I notice two other mask-wearers in the background.
[9:33 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're interviewing this guy from Airship Syndicate literally named "Joe Mad".
[9:33 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (I mean, I'm mad having to watch this.)
[9:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Here's a real Fire Emblem Engage commercial. It's more obvious because it's preceded by a Switch snap.
[9:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: WHAT?? THEY'RE ANNOUNCING DLC? THE GAME DOESN'T EXIST YET
[9:36 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Features Fire Emblem: Three Houses and... Tiki.
[9:40 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Commercial featuring "Maah Lopez", a black LGBT woman [speaking non-English language]  (it's Brazilian Portuguese) who was scared of showing her face to people until Facebook encouraged her to.

Reminder they specified that Hideo Kojima was speaking Japanese,
but the captioners couldn't figure out the Brazilian was speaking Portuguese?

[9:41 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Musical performance inspired by Diablo coming.
[9:44 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: This is less music and more demon noises.
[9:47 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: More awards from Geoff Keighley (so no speech). Best Sports/Racing Game award goes to Gran Turismo 7. Best Multiplayer Game goes to... Splatoon 3. Best Audio Design goes to Ragnarok. "Having a pretty good night!" Content Creator of the Year goes to... Ludwig. (Not to be confused with me)

I hate this guy. And I hate when people think I'm some kind of reference to him. HE'S a reference to ME.

[9:47 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Most Anticipated Game award goes to The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom.
[9:49 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Ew, "the cast of The Last of Us" show is on the stage. "We just love you as Joel and Ellie."
[9:51 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They were presenting the nominees for Best Action Game together but being weird about it and trying to have their game actors talk in-sync with their show actors.
[9:51 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Best Action goes to Bayonetta 3. Doug Bowser stands up to receive an award and buttons up his suit jacket as he gets out of his chair.
[9:51 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (Take that Hellena Taylor!)
[9:52 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Doug Bowser dedicates the award to the teams in Japan, and especially to Platinum Games. Doug Bowser has a notecard from Platinum Games, revealing that everyone already knows who the winners are before the show happens.
[9:53 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Let's head to Japan for a special announcement." (To Bandai Namco, specifically.)
[9:54 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're working on a game with Amazon Games, a new Multiplayer Online Action RPG. Bringing to PC, PlayStation 5, and Xbox Series X|S. It's called Blue Protocol and it'll release in 2023.
[9:54 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (anime art style)
[9:55 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Character designs are pretty much Xenoblade Chronicles but smaller breast sizes.
[9:58 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Muppets to come, and Keegan-Michael Key too.
[9:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (that's Toad is the plumber movie)
[10:02 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I ate a piece of cheese and came back to Keegan-Michael Key.
[10:02 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I have no idea if he's acting ridiculous because he's playing Toad, or if he's just like that normally.
[10:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He claims Toad's mushroom is not a hat, but it's a cap.
[10:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...........
[10:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ????
[10:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Well, here's a movie clip.
[10:04 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Featuring a lot of annoying Toads and the plumber.
[10:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The plumber is very incompetent at basic platforms.

You can actually hang on like this in the 3D games, so... maybe it's true to canon?

[10:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And it seems like Yoshi's Island is retconned.
[10:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Since the plumber is unfamiliar with floating blocks.
[10:06 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Now a Muppet is on stage with Geoff Keighley.
[10:07 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Making poor jokes.
[10:08 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Somehow that's a segue to Best Score/Music award. The winner is... Ragnarok, defeating Xenoblade Chronicles 3.
[10:09 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: This guy says "Kratos is a man of few words" and the camera pans to Christopher Judge.
[10:16 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Splatoon 3 commercial advertising Big Run this weekend.
[10:18 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: uh
[10:18 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Oh I thought there was a shooting.
[10:18 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: But it's Crash Bandicoot coming down from the ceiling.
[10:20 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: To eventually reveal a trailer for a team vs. team Crash spin-off.
[10:20 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Crash Team Rumble" coming 2023.
[10:20 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And they said Toys for Bob would never do anything besides Call of Duty ever again.
[10:22 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Two "content creator" women I've never heard of are presenting the award for Innovation and Accessibility. Ragnarok wins yet another award. The person who is going to collect this game is a multi-hair-coloured... person.
[10:22 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Mila Pavlin"
[10:22 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I think they're trying to be non-binary or something.
[10:26 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're doing some mafia...gimmick thing to present the next game about crime?
[10:28 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: OKAY BEST ROLEPLAYING GAME, which is four Nintendo games versus Elden Ring.
[10:28 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ....and Elden Ring wins.
[10:28 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (Live a Live, Triangle Strategy, Xenoblade Chronicles 3, and Pokémon Legends Arceus were the losers)
[10:28 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Players Voice winner was "Genshin Impact" "after taking away all of the bot votes"
[10:29 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Best Independent Game went to Stray. ...didn't it win this already?
[10:29 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Best Action/Adventure Game award to Ragnarok.
[10:29 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Best Ongoing Game award to Final Fantasy XIV.
[10:33 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Now, I understand that Nintendo only has to win Best Family Game but would've been nice for Best RPG too. (Or maybe I just want to stop watching and go back to Triangle Strategy)
[10:33 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "He drops by every December just like Santa. Give it up for Reggie!"
[10:34 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He's here to present the Best Game Direction category.
[10:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The winner is Ragna-- no, it goes to Elden Ring.
[10:39 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Geoff Keighley is breathlessly praising a studio at Bandai Namco for this next announcement?
[10:40 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Feed the fire."
[10:40 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Let the last cinders burn."
[10:40 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "FromSoftware"
[10:41 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (....that one probably shouldn't have been in quotes.)
[10:41 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Armroed Core VI Fires of Rubicon for 2023.
[10:42 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're promising the last award after this commercial, and the commercial is for The SMB Movie.
[10:44 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: wtf the lo-fi girl from the YouTube stream is going to be in Rocket League?
[10:45 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Is this Monster Hunter?
[10:45 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...no, it's Wildhearts.
[10:45 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: oops
[10:46 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Yoshi P is coming to discuss Final Fantasy 16.
[10:46 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Or XVI.
[10:46 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (Naoki Yoshida)
[10:46 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He's talking in English. "Final world premiere."

[10:49 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They'll press on to 2023.
[10:49 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: June 22, 2023, in fact. (PlayStation 5 exclusive until December 31, 2023.)
[10:50 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Josef Fares is here "to be super cool and short."
[10:53 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He says when The Game Awards Orchestra plays the music from your game, you'll get goosebumps, which segues to them playing a segue from this year's Game of the Year nominees. First, Horizon Forbidden West. Then Xenoblade Chronicles 3 (featuring its signature flute). Then A Plague Tale: Requiem. Then Stray. That went to Elden Ring. Lastly, god Of War: Ragnorok. (Apologies for missing on the special character at the last o.)
[10:55 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Fares reappears to declare the winner is ELDEN RING. (Here I thought it'd be Ragnarok for all of the awards it's been winning over Elden Ring all night.)
[10:56 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Thanking From Software and Bandai Namco, of course. (In Japanese and English.)
[10:57 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "This may not be the light thing to say on occasion of winning the goat-tee award but I'd like to create even more interesting games than this. As for Elden Ling, we still have several more things we want to do, so getting this goat-tee award really encourages us."
[10:58 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ???????????????????
[10:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: This midget said he'd like to give this award to his reformed Orthodox rabbi Bill Clinton.

This kid has since been arrested.
(I guess he can share a cell with Yuji Naka?)

[10:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Until they cut off his mic.
[11:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Geoff Keighley wishes everyone a good night.
[11:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Well, that was... actually better than expected, I guess?
[11:04 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Uh...
[11:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Still wondering if the Bill Clinton kid actually works at From Software.
[11:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...yeah.


Ludwig has been laughing out loud for several minutes after the show ended thanks to the Bill Clinton guy, so he can't say that The Game Awards 2022 was a total waste of time. He didn't expect to be amused, and he was! Of course, it wasn't worth three and a half hours of build-up to get to that punchline.


Click here for last year's The Game Awards 2021 log.