Are You Still Washing Your Hands For 20 Seconds, and Thoroughly?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - (Or if you're like me, washing your claws?)

Months ago, health organisations across Earth invested in a campaign telling people to WASH YOUR HANDS. And for twenty seconds (the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention will tell you the actual recommendation is between 15 and 30 seconds just for the hand-scrubbing, and THEN you rinse your hands with water), which, if you time yourself, is quite likely much longer than how you've been washing your hands in normal times. And hopefully you have already been washing your hands pretty often throughout your life, especially since it's a message KoopaTV has been promoting for a long time. Hyperlinked receipts for that a little later in this article.

That public health campaign started months ago, but you don't see hand-washing song memes all over social media anymore in May 2020. (Those were song lyrics that last for 20 seconds to help people keep track of the time. I'm personally partial towards the Team Rocket motto, though the meme-maker doesn't know how to correctly spell Jessie. People get that more wrong than Butch.)

Knowing you weak humans, you've probably become complacent. If you're not constantly reminded of something, you'll fall back into your old ways, and not be washing your hands for as long as you should be. Sad. Anyway, KoopaTV isn't here to deliver a public service health announcement, but I am interested in helping you for another reason.

Alright, receipts time. I'm on record with my last—and most important—hot tip for performing well in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate tournaments (of which there was the biggest one ever, The Box, just in the previous weekend) being “stay hydrated, eat food, get good sleep, and most importantly... WASH YOUR HANDS. Slimy hands and claws will make your play worse. You don't have to use the Search For Match button until you're physically and mentally ready for another fight.”

If you don't, your controller might have some grime on it, and that can weaken your grip, response time, and focus:

If you look closely on the picture (it's hard since the GameCube controller is coloured black), there's a streak of grime on the left handle.
Get a wet cloth and clean that off, and wash your hands.

That is nowhere near the the grossest image of a GameCube controller on KoopaTV. That belongs to our 2014 article, Monitor Your Munchies, which is about how unhygienic some gamers can be while handling games. The controller picture in that is horrifyingly disgusting. And real.

Wash your hands for the proper duration and proper frequency. Your game-playing will be much better and you'll feel less gross. And you'll avoid awful situations like that GameCube controller picture in the other article. Of slightly less importance, you'll avoid getting diseases. This is a lesson you should carry throughout your entire life, not just when there is a raging pandemic.


Immediately after typing up this article (but before writing this italicised footer), Ludwig went and washed his claws. Particularly under his nails. He even went and brushed his tooth! He also went and wiped down his controllers and mouse. It's also important that you wash the cloth in a washing machine or something at some point, or it'll just be full of accumulated dirt and it'll turn out to be ineffective. Feel free to answer the question posed in the article title in the comments section. You may wish to print out a hand-washing promotion poster near your sink, as well as near where you play games. Hopefully those are different places. You can also print out this article.