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Monday, September 12, 2016

Shigeru Miyamoto Eats a Hamburger To Prove His Point

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - No one doubted him on his point, but I do doubt its importance.

Remember Super Mario Run from the middle of last week? New Super Mario Bros.-inspired automatic runner exclusively for Apple mobile trash? Trumpeted up by Shigeru Miyamoto as something you can play on one hand while eating a hamburger?

Here's what Nintendo tweeted out today. There's an embedded video central to this article:

So... no new footage of Super Mario Run, though I doubt you wanted to see any. I mean, isn't it, uh, pretty predictable what you'll see? I couldn't predict that I'd be able to screen-cap this, though:

Shigeru Miyamoto eating hamburger with one hand playing Super Mario Run
That hamburger is going to grease up his other hand, and then the contents will fall out to his feet. It'll just be gross.

There's Shigeru Miyamoto, eating a hamburger, as I promised in the article title. He's playing with his left hand and eating with his right.

Fun fact: You can also play Wii Fit with one hand. I wonder if Miyamoto was eating hamburgers while creating the conditions for people's eating disorders to fester? You can play a LOT of Wii games with only one hand, as a matter of fact, but Nintendo never seemed to care about that until now.

Shigeru Miyamoto working out barbell playing Super Mario Run weight lifting exercise one hand
Here's Shigeru Miyamoto screaming at either his iPhone or because the weight is too much for him.
I guess he's been out of shape since Nintendo banned him from biking to work?

Personally, I'd rather talk about the tweet Nintendo tweeted out an hour after, featuring King Slime!

King Slime is... “gooreat”! Ahhahahahaa! Brilliant.

...That's all I got. Still a better, happier discussion than Miyamoto. King Slime and his minions are so cute. That's why our Nintendo E3 2016 log about Dragon Quest VII: Fragments of the Forgotten Past was just there as an excuse for me to post Slime pictures. My favourite part of the Nintendo Direct at the start of this month was that one time King Slime showed up.

King Slime has fantastic minions, like the slimes of Dragon Quest Heroes: Rocket Slime, a game that every kid should have the opportunity to play, including me! One of the few kings with better minions would be King Bowser, of course. Because I'm one of those supremely-amazing minions... and Shigeru Miyamoto had NOTHING to do with that, or any of King Dad's other kids!

By the way, did you know today was National Video Games Day? ...Do you give a crap? Ludwig doesn't! But he cares about that marginally more than the ability to play a game with only one hand. Does this marketing point affect you in any way? KoopaTV would like to add that you can browse this entire website with only one hand.

For several pictures of Ludwig with a pizza — the immortal enemy of burgers — click here.
You can play Defend Anita Sarkeesian with only one hand. However, KoopaTV's other games (as of writing) require two.


  1. I can think of plenty of better things I could be doing with one hand, such as eating a slice of pizza. Most mobile games are just not worth the time. The only one I currently have on my phone is Layton Brothers Mystery Room, which is oddly enough more of an Ace Attorney clone than a Professor Layton spinoff. If there were more games like these, then I could see myself becoming a casual mobile gamer, but for now I'll continue to stick to my consoles over and over again.

    1. I'd rather play with both hands and not divert my attention, quite frankly.

      This whole marketing point is basically admitting that the game isn't deserving of 100% of your focus, so you might as well eat burgers or wotever to make up for it.

  2. He could be worshiping Talos with that other hand.


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