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Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Paper Mario: Color Splash — Episode 6: Grand Voyage!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The Foggy Purple Sea.

Finally, the long-awaited Rescue Purple Toad gets an episode in the popular Nintendo video series, Rescue V! Go watch it:

It's the second-to-last episode. Important stuff. It takes place in the Purple Sea to try to reach the Fortune Island for TREASURE. The sea is renamed to the Lost Sea, or maybe they're different seas. After all, the Lost Sea didn't seem too foggy.

We know that Mario is the one manning the cannon, and the Toads on the pirate ship (was this what MY pirate ship was built to destroy, if Mario didn't interfere?) are just... ordinary Toads. Oh, the captain has a little hat and all, but it appears that the Rescue V's squads are not a part of the crew.

Paper Mario Color Splash coins Rescue Purple Toad pirate ship Lost Sea collection
I like money too, but this isn't enough coins for MY high-rolling lifestyle.

Not only were the Rescue V not a part of the crew, but they really played no role in the process. I thought the whole point was that the Rescue V Toads are the REAL protagonists, not Mario. But here, Rescue Purple doesn't even do enough to be a supporting role.

Nothing really happened here. No Koopalings, or any Koopas, or any opposition to begin with. Besides the Blooper, and all he did was sit there and get blown up. That's what happens when squids enact gun-free zones and don't defend themselves.

Paper Mario Color Splash Lost Sea Blooper cannonball pirate ship fire
The Blooper didn't do anything except say hello, and MARIO blows him up! (With dubious aiming, but it hits anyway.)

We're getting diminishing marginal returns on these Rescue V episodes, seeing as how Episode 5, featuring Rescue Green, wasn't really good either. There just is nothing to go on.

By the way, I'm aware that the game leaked on the Nintendo eShop for a brief period of time before its release this October 7. No, I don't have it. No, I'm not going to spoil myself. I've already determined to dutifully digest Nintendo's carefully crafted marketing schedule for Paper Mario: Color Splash and not stray from that. I wish to achieve the optimal benefit.

And, yes, when I get Paper Mario: Color Splash (and I will get it, and it will be a physical copy — so probably not exactly October 7) and play through it, I will review it. Stop asking me. I have received your pleas.

Paper Mario Color Splash Rescue V Final Episode teaser
Stay tuned for FINAL EPISODE, next week! It'll be sure to be a fine filler article.

Ludwig won't even bother asking if this episode of Rescue V changed your opinions on Paper Mario: Color Splash, since the answer is obviously no.

The FINAL EPISODE write-up is here.


  1. I probably won't get this game right away. The fatigue I am enduring makes me barely motivated to play any games right now. I find myself pushing through case 3 of Spirit of Justice rather than really being in the mood to play it.

    1. I cannot wait to continue through Case 3 of Spirit of Justice because I REALLY want to know what happens at Day 2.

      So I'm guessing no visit to Nintendo NYC for Color Splash launch party? :p

    2. I haven't went to launch events there for a long time.

      The lines get long and it is not great to stand too long with what I am going through.

    3. Understood. (Though when you were there for its re-opening, it was a popular read for people!)

      It'd just be interesting to know what kind of people would show up.

  2. The blooper had it coming. If only he had used an inkzooka, he would not have been blown up.


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