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Friday, August 19, 2016

Crabrawler's Punch-Out!!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - No, this isn't KoopaTV's 2016 videogame, but that'd be cool DLC, wouldn't it?

You know, I remember at the end of the Team Skull article eight days ago, I wrote, 
“That's about all the info worth commenting on. What do YOU think? We'd love to hear YOUR comments in the designated comments section. Talk to you guys next Pokémon news release! ...Just kidding, I'll actually talk to you tomorrow on (Unless those are the same day, with how frequent these releases are getting.)”

So, like, that was totally a joke and not something serious, but it turns out my levity had some truth to it. Yesterday I wrote about Turtonator being discovered in Alola and he's great. And now today? I'm writing about four new Pokémon also discovered that you can use for the first time this November in Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon. Take it away, The Pokémon Company International:

First, let's talk about Stufful. It's the pre-evolution to Bewear, the pedobear-lookalike announced exactly a month ago. Unlike its evolution, Stufful actually really dislikes hugs. It's basically a teddy bear, so hugs are what everyone wants to give it. Once it evolves, no one will want to hug it, but it'll have an attitude adjustment and constantly try to hug others.

Pretty sad life, though not as sad as some of the other Pokémon we've seen so far.

Meanwhile, the Sand Heap and Sand Castle Pokémon, Sandygast and Palossand, are out to make YOUR life sad. Sandygast tries to possess little children to dump more sand on it, while Palossand possesses adults. That said, I did join Team Sandcastle, so I guess I'm obligated to be fans of these Ground and Ghost types?

Sandygast Pokémon Sun Moon Alola Sandman Kirby 64 Crystal Shards
It's a Sandman from Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards, with the addition of a soul-stealing shovel.

I heard that SOME people don't like these inspired designs (these are the same people that dislike Vanilluxe — and I wasn't being sarcastic when I said Vanilluxe was wonderful three years ago), and I don't know why. I'm not saying it's brilliant or anything, but Sandygast and Palossand are far from awful.


Crabrawler fighting stance Pokémon Sun Moon Alola region crab boxing boxer
Unlike yesterday's Pokémon, Crabrawler's name is easy to remember and easy to spell!

What do we know about Crabrawler? It's the Boxing Pokémon, and it really hates to lose. Crabrawler wants to climb the circuits and be the highest ranked crab around. Not just in the World Video Boxing Association, but Crabrawler actually LIKES literal heights and tall places. Crabrawler lives off of a diet of Berries, giving hope to Vegans everywhere. Crabrawler, however, is a victim of non-Vegans:
Crabrawler’s pincers are sometimes torn off during its bouts—and they are said to be delicious.”
Who is eating Crabrawler's pincers? Humans? Other Pokémon? ...Crabrawler itself?

Anyway, take a look at Crabrawler's stance. According to the official site:
“Crabrawler uses its claws to protect its face and belly while getting in close to an opponent to throw punches.”
I was thinking, and Crabrawler's closest Punch-Out!! equivalent is...

Narcis Prince face hit rage angry Super Punch-Out!! British Boxer
...Narcis Prince! From Super Punch-Out!!, available on the Wii U Virtual Console.

Narcis Prince and Crabrawler both have blue boxing gloves and tall blonde hair, and they both look pretty pissed off and all punched up in the face. Narcis Prince is obsessed with his social standing, as a snobby Brit (KoopaTV's resident snobby Brit, Vortexica, was not available for comment), and Crabrawler, as I mentioned, wants to have the highest social standing it can get.

Crabrawler is a serious competitor in the boxing ring: He's a PURE Fighting type. Did you think he was a Water type? Why, because he's a crab and his dominant colour happens to be blue? Hey, I PERSONALLY take issue with that kind of heuristic thinking, because you could apply it to me! I'm not a swimmer, I'm a Table Tennis pro! Swimming is for Wendy, not for me, and it's not for Crabrawler.

You ain't no water fighter, Crab! Quit foolin' around out there! Pokémon ain't no joke!

Crabrawler entrance pose Pokémon battle Sun Moon cry
The world's waiting for you, kid.

Ludwig really does not want this website to be some kind of Pokémon news site, so please utilise resources such as the Requests page and submitting Guest Posts to change things up. Well, unless you're requesting more Pokémon articles or submitting just Pokémon-related posts.

If you want to play Trayvon Tyson's Punch-Out!!, click here and be on your way.
KoopaTV cancelled unannounced Trayvon Tyson's Punch-Out!! DLC that would've featured George Zimmerman. It'll never start, announce, or release Crabrawler DLC.
Compare this article to Little Mac being announced for Super Smash Bros. 4.
Another KoopaTV videogame, Capture the Confederate Flag, has Corphish and Crawdaunt in them. No doubt Crabrawler is going to beat them up out of Louisiana.
KoopaTV's next published guest post was about... Crabrawler, Stufful, Sandygast, and Palossand. No one reads our footers, obviously.
The next news release is here, with more news than JUST new Pokémon. There is a mysterious foundation with illegal aliens involved?
We wrote a definitive article about crabs for our six-year anniversary.


  1. Stufful is honestly pretty terrifying. It looks like one of the stuffed animals from Build-A-Bear Workshop has come to life. Its eyes stare deeply within your soul. There's no reason to fear,though, for Crabrawler's pincers should be able to tear the demon to shreds.

    1. Crabrawler is also super-effective on the Normal/Fighting Stufful, so there's that.

      Hope we can subjugate all of the Stufful so they never can evolve into Bewear.

  2. I wonder if official Stufful plushies with have the the actual tag (the one with how to launder, etc. ) where the "tag" on the Pokémon is located. I doubt it, manufacturers are not that clever.

    1. But the designers submitting plans to the manufacturers are that clever.


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