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Monday, August 8, 2016

Iran Banned Pokémon GO

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm surprised that Pokémon GO was in Iran in the first place.

The Jerusalem Post (and the BBC, if you like Brits over Jews) is reporting that the Islamic Republic of Iran — recently notable for having a paralysed female archer be its flag-bearer in the Rio 2016 Opening Ceremony while neighbouring Iraq didn't have a single woman — has banned Pokémon GO. This comes from the “High Council of Virtual Spaces”, which is admittedly a pretty cool office name. They cite “security issues”, which is a very nice catch-all.

...Since I have the rest of this article to write and short-time readers know that I'm not going to spend the rest of it talking about Pokémon GO, the obvious thing for me to do is talk about Iran.

With regards to Iran's reasoning: Whose security? Could Pokémon GO players stumble upon Iran's nuclear facilities and discover that they really are developing nuclear weaponry, in spite of (or because of) the disastrous Iran nuclear deal, one of the worst deals in history? It's surely not the security of the citizens of Iran. It's not like the Iranian government gives a crud about that. 

There has been this long-standing and silly claim that Pokémon are anti-Islam. You can read about it from this decade-and-a-half-old article from ABC International which I'll be selectively pulling quotes from throughout the rest of this article. There's also information from this LA Times article written at the same time in early 2001.

First of all, I want to point out that Muslim clerics and so-called “progressives” in the United States share the same logic when it comes to six-sided figures:
“‘Most of the cards figure six-pointed stars, a symbol of international Zionism and the state of Israel,’ the mufti said on Al Jazeera.”
Compare to the liberal reaction from this tweet from Donald J. Trump's Twitter:

Crooked Hillary Clinton Most Corrupt Candidate Ever Donald Trump tweet antisemitic six sided star cash replaced with circle
The tweet at the bottom was greeted with widespread claims of antisemitism, forcing it to be replaced with the tweet up top.

The idea is that any six-sided shape against a background of cash is automatically a statement against Jews. The Trump campaign insists that it was a sheriff's badge, foreshadowing the “LOCK HER UP!” chants at the Republican National Convention. Still, this explanation wasn't accepted, prompting Trump's son-in-law Jared Kushner to defend his father-in-law.

It's about the same logic as the Islamists have against Pokémon. I'm guessing they specifically take issue with the symbol for Colorless energy, which a Muslim cleric correctly stated appears on almost every card in the game. (Whether it be attack energy requirements or retreat costs.)

Just like the Jewish people,
Double Colorless Energy are special and not basic.

Well? It's six-sided. That automatically makes it a Jewish statement, right?

In case you're wondering, the Star of David is specifically designed as two triangles, not just any six-sided object. Here's another quote from ABC:
Speaking on condition of anonymity to The Associated Press, a spokesman for the Tokyo-based Nintendo denied Pokémon merchandise sported religious symbols.”
It's hilarious to me that the Nintendo spokesman specifically requested anonymity. Why? Was he afraid of retaliation from pre-9/11 Islamists? Well, it's not a bad idea, especially since years later ISIS would be keeping Japanese people hostage.

The Muslims also charge that Pokémon encourages gambling in young children, a claim that is echoed by massive British gambling operator Gala Coral Group. I guess there's some truth to that and some other things, but the specifics are widely inaccurate. Especially the ones used by the Islamists, such as the contradictory claims in the LA Times article of:
“the boy solemnly reported the troubling news he had just heard from friends: ‘“Pokemon” [SIC] means “There is no God in the universe.”’” 
“Japanese embassies throughout the region have received inquiries from parents and officials who had heard that Pokemon [SIC] was Japanese for ‘I am a Jew.’”
Islamic Middle Eastern countries, as you may expect, don't care for logic, truth, or facts. They're stuck in the medieval times. They're blatantly lying about name etymology, just like how Democrat nominee-for-president Hillary Clinton lies to the American people over and over again. Totally shamelessly and to pursue an anti-Western agenda.

Veilstone Game Corner Slot Machine Sinnoh bonus round Clefairy moon
I kind of do recall spending a whole evening playing slots at the Veilstone Game Corner. (It has great music.)
Over the long term, you ARE supposed to win more than you wager. Very different than real casinos.

These sub-normal barbarians are the same people that President Barack Hussein Obama is bending over backwards (and breaking United States law) to send hundreds of millions of dollars to. They are also the same people that Democrat candidate-for-president Hillary Clinton is demanding the United States accepts a 550% increase in President Barack Hussein Obama's 10,000 refugee quota for Middle Eastern refugees. This would not only bring in their toxic and dumb beliefs into the West, but strain the social welfare systems of the more enlightened countries having to take care of these people. And, of course, some of these refugees are really ISIS members posing as refugees.

...And maybe they'll try to get Pokémon GO banned in the United States of America while they're here. They will, of course (though maybe it's my folly to take that for granted — if so-called progressives in America really do want to emulate and bow down to Islamic thought...), fail, and then playing Pokémon GO will become a sort of patriotic duty to help defeat the evils of Islam.

I really don't want that kind of culture war where Pokémon GO is considered a hero, so let's keep those civilisations separate.

The author of this article actually is a Jew, and he testifies that Pokémon is not a Jewish conspiracy to subvert the minds of Muslim children. Muslims blowing themselves up does that job a lot faster than Pokémon propaganda ever would, anyway. Ludwig contemplated drawing a cartoon of the prophet Muhammad with a Pikachu or something just to cause controversy, but he didn't want KoopaTV's Sierra Leone office to turn into the next Charlie Hebdo incident. By the way, from reading this article you were supposed to subliminally associate political leftists with Radical Islamic ideology. Did that happen?

Did the Islamists also ban Nintendo Badge Arcade? That would be a valid action, actually.
Hillary Clinton also wanted to ban videogames in the name of vague safety concerns, and actually pushed legislation to try to do that.
What about Voltorb Flip?
What about Pocket Card Jockey?


  1. But there are pig Pokémon and most Jews hate pigs too. Also I selected Tepig as my gen 5 starter and named him "Treif" which is Yiddish/Hebrew for "nonkosher."

    1. Yes, but you won't see Israel banning Pokémon from the country.

      ...Just their military bases, which is understandable.

      However, in the eyes of Islamists, Jews are already associated with pigs. So the presence of pigs only supports that whole narrative.

      Note that these guys haven't updated their already loose impression of Pokémon since Generation 1, and Pokémon GO only having Generation 1 characters isn't helping. You could see these guys as the ultimate GenWunners.

  2. Considering all of the people who have been injured or even killed while playing Pokémon Go (for instance, this guy: I cannot believe Iran isn't behind this game 100%.

    1. Iran supports Americans killing other Americans indirectly or directly because of Pokémon GO, but probably not Iran-on-Iran crime.

      Just a few incidents and BOOM, there might be Arab Spring 2.0.

  3. I just came here to see the adjetive you described the Iran Deal.

  4. *adjective

    Ah, I'm only hurting myself.

    I do wish there were more casinos like the Veilstone Game Corner, where minors are guaranteed to have a greater profit over loss!

    1. That could be the reason why there aren't anymore casinos.

      They all shut down because they're unsustainable for the business.

  5. Is this still in effect? I mean, the people of Iran get in trouble over how they dress, i can't see that government allowing them to waste time wandering around Iran. Have you ever seen the movie "Not without my Daughter"? I liked it so much i bought the book. Really puts things into perspective.

    1. Try going to Iran and find out yourself. I sure won't.

      I haven't and never heard of it.

    2. You should watch it, it is a really great movie.

      Also no, I will never go to Iran. Didn't one of the KoopaTV writers die there? Or was that Iraq.


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