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Monday, February 15, 2016

A Pokémon-Sponsored Splatfest: Pokémon RED vs. BLUE

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Obviously, Pokémon Blue is better.

I never wanted Splatoon's Splatfests to come to this. Ever since Autobots vs. Decepticons, we knew sponsored Splatfests were possible. (Well, ever since Japan's Red Fox vs. Green Tanuki Splatfests, which were their second Splatfest, but no one knows what the hell those are, much less that they're noodles brands.) I just never thought Nintendo would be so self-serving as to advertise themselves.

Even more unheard of, is that it'd be The Pokémon Company behind it — and they're isolationists!

Splatoon Splatfest News Pokémon Red version Blue introduction North America
Pokémon presents...
A Splatfest that will finally settle an old score!

That's right. Pokémon presents. As in, about to show something. You're not getting any presents from these people. Pokémon Red, Blue, and Yellow coming out on the Virtual Console isn't a present. You gotta pay for it this February 27th. Or later if it's not a day one purchase for you.

Anyway, this Splatfest tasks North America and Europe (and Oceania) to choose between Pokémon Red and Pokémon Blue. For Japan, it's between Pokémon Red and Pokémon Green, so they have a different graphic.

The goal of this article is to convince you to give Marie another try: Support Team Pokémon Blue version!

Why? I mean, look at Blastoise. I feel a certain affinity towards him. I'll have to think about why.

Splatfest Splatoon Pokémon Blastoise is way cooler Blue version Marie
Blastoise is WAY cooler.

Pokémon Blue version was also the version that I myself played the game on. I'm not saying this as a victim of nostalgia, but I'm saying that I've been making good decisions for decades now. After all, it IS the 20th anniversary of these games coming out. (20th in Japan only, but hey, that's globalisation for ya.)

Pokémon 20th anniversary Nintendo 3DS bundle Virtual Console Red Blue Yellow
I didn't know the music was considered 4-bit. That's not many bits to work with. But yeah, turns out Game Boy WAS 4-bit audio.

There were certain version exclusives — Pokémon obtainable in Red, but not Blue, and vice-versa. Callie and Marie made a big deal out of Vulpix, which are exclusive to Pokémon Blue. On the contrary, Red had Growlithe, but who cares about Growlithe? The best canine Pokémon are obviously Lillipup's evolutionary family. I will say this: Having Meowth and Persian be exclusive to one version (being Pokémon Blue) is a horrible idea, because Pay Day is the only way to get money in the game after you beat every trainer, besides going through the Elite 4 over and over. Judd is on Meowth's side here.

Oh! I think I know what the deal is with Blastoise! Check this out, guys. I finally figured it out:

Blastoise King Bowser Koopa side-by-side comparison picture turtle shell
It's Blastoise and King Dad! Don't they look kinda similar? Bowser doesn't have cannons, but other than that...

No one in the universe has figured this out, right? I'm the first?

Besides the remarkable similarity between King Bowser Koopa and Blastoise, there's the fact that Charizard is overrated garbage.

If you want to approach this Splatfest from a meta-perspective, take this into thought: Pokémon Red is certainly going to win in popularity because more people favour Charizard. Not because Charizard is better or anything, but because Nintendo and The Pokémon Company put him everywhere, even Super Smash Bros. 4. It's like how Donald Trump leads the polls in part because of his grossly disproportional amount of media coverage. Donald Trump gets all this attention because he starts flame wars with everyone else running for president, flying around on his jet every night. Charizard gets all this attention because he uses Flamethrower on everyone else he battles, flying around with his wings every time. Charizard gets annihilated by Stealth Rocks whenever he comes in, and Donald Trump treats words like sticks and stones breaking his bones.

Donald Trump Charizard thumbs up approval anime
It's Donald Trump and Charizard, both giving a thumbs-up.

A vote for Team Pokémon Red version is equivalent, in principle, to a vote for Donald Trump.

Is that a vote you really want to cast? 

Join Team Blue.

Or we'll sic plushies on you.

Marie Pokémon Leaf Green Splatoon Splatfest plushie plush
Marie is on Team Green, which would be the Japanese version of the Splatfest. Of course, LeafGreen is also the remake for Blue.
Photo provided by ShinyGirafarig.

Plushwig, too.

Ludwig Von Koopa plushie plush Pokémon Blue version Leaf Green LeafGreen cartridge Game Boy
Plushwig posing with Pokémon Blue version AND Pokémon LeafGreen version!

Just a reminder that Ludwig isn't a Genwunner or anything. He wouldn't recommend you actually go out and buy Pokémon Blue when it's out on February 27 in North America. But he would strongly recommend that you side with Blastoise, Marie, and Pokémon Blue in Splatoon!

This Splatfest is a stealth tribute to Satoru Iwata, because without him, Pokémon Red and Pokémon Blue would've never officially existed in English. 
Ludwig would put first generation Pokémon way above Undertale, though.
Donald Trump and King Bowser Koopa were also on opposing sides for the Team Pizza vs. Team Burger Splatfest.
There's Nintendo Direct time dedicated to the 20th anniversary for these games. PLUS a new announcement...!
Donald Trump has found a new Pokémon to be modeled after: Yungoos.
Bowser might even have a stronger counterpart than Blastoise.
Over six and a half years later, another Pokémon-sponsored Splatfest occured, looking at starter types.


  1. Awww look at the picture of my plushie.

    1. Awww, look at the picture of my plushie.

    2. I see it. So adorable. Could have used my Flareon and Callie pic and make a caption like "Flareon the false prophet is giving bad advice to join Team Red".

      Looking at Smogon:

      Venusaur is the starter that had the most use competitively. It was mostly borderline in most of the gens, then was considered overused in 5th gen and was in OU tier again thanks to the mega form.

      Charizard only got into OU thanks to the two megas in 6th gen. Before was only borderline at best but also got into UU and NU.

      Poor Blastoise in competitive mode. Highest tier it got in including 6th gen and the mega form was UU. At least Squirtle and its evos was the choice for speedrunners in gen one.

      Also reread your "I'm Sick of Charizard" article again. I always thought Charizard was ungrateful to Ash in the first season of the anime and a bit in the Orange Islands season. His life was saved as a Charmander then he goes to disobey him when evolved to Charmeleon. I guess the not-dragon Pokémon could claim he returned the favor when he became a Charizard to save Ash's life from the Aerodactyl. The game mechanics of badges does not even apply to the anime since Charizard disobeyed Ash even after getting all the badges.

    3. I was thinking it, but I run into the problem of never acknowledging Twitch Plays Pokémon on the site. (Or at all.)

      Venusaur got so high in Gen 5 because of its Hidden Ability, Chlorophyll, and that Gen 5 was all about weather wars even more than Gen 4 was.

      ...stupid Charizard.

      Charizard always maintained it evolved into Charizard not to save Ash (he could die for all Charizard cared), but just so he could properly battle Aerodactyl.

  2. You did bring up Twitch Plays Pokémon up in a comment here:

    I never knew that about Ash's Charizard. He's even more unsympathetic than I thought.

    1. Ahhhh, very good point. (Though it wasn't flattering to RBY.)

      Ash first thought Charmeleon evolved to save him (Aerodactyl was still grounded, though), but Aerodactyl was literally making faces and making fun of Charmeleon (and his inability to fly). Then Aerodactyl took flight after Charmeleon evolved, Ash was like, "You evolved to save me!" and then Charizard roasted Ash with a Flamethrower, resulting in Ash lamenting, and I quote,

      “Charmeleon evolved just so it could battle Aerodactyl!”

    2. It has been years since I saw that episode. Thanks for reminding me.

    3. Welcome.

      The Pokémon Company International has super-strong content ID rules, so you won't be able to watch it on YouTube.

      That said, the episode dedicated to Charizard coming back in Unova (and some episodes after) are up there for your viewing for this week. Kanto's episodes are at the very beginning, though, and Johto's are past midway.

    4. I remember when I was younger I saw all these kids screaming about Charizard probably because the episode of Charizard vs Magmar just came on to US. I then realized that Anime Charizard just loafs around all day and does whatever he wants which is a wish fulfillment for these kids doing whatever they want to do and not have to listen to anyone but now they can pretend to be a not-dragon.

    5. Anime Charizard is a terrible role model for kids. He teaches that you can be extremely loved for being a stubborn, lazy asshole.

      Blastoise teaches a much better lesson: Dude is literally on a fire-fighting squad. Saves lives and works hard.

    6. I always was interested in why Nintendo pulled a Squaresoft and just as Squaresoft called the first PS1 Final Fantasy, Final Fantasy VII as it was the seventh official Final Fantasy and not Final Fantasy IV in the U.S.A. as it was the fourth localized Final Fantasy there, why they decided to go with Leaf Green to be consistant with Red and Green versions in Japan and not Fire Read and Water Blue to be like the original Red and Blue versions for the rest of the world.

    7. Probably because they didn't want to pay for blue cartridge manufacturing.

  3. Team Blue all the way!


    but honestly, charizard is so overrated that team red will obviously get more votes, and if it follows the pattern of the other splatfests, team red will lose...

    but venusaur will always be my favourite :P

    1. Yup. That's what we're all banking on.
      I wonder if the Splatoon community will avoid the popular option so much, that Blue will become more popular as a result.

  4. Im wondering if the actually removed glitches such as missingno and such, also, they really should add running shoes..... the game was kinda slow when you could only walk...

    1. A lot of the glitches should still be there (have fun with garbage Focus Energy), and they didn't add any features. “The games remain true to the originals.”

      Just know that Yellow fixed some of the glitches.

      There will definitely not be Running Shoes.

      Hope the Game Corner gets to stay.

    2. but what about the glitches that could potentially break your game?

      inb4 parents rage that pokemon is encouraging their children to gamble XD but honestly they should bring it back for the next game though

    3. I think everyone always overestimates parental involvement here.

      Um, I dunno. A lot of the game-breaking stuff was because of the Game Boy's memory limitations.

  5. Red Team is going to destroy you, kiddo.

    1. Nah, we're totally gonna win. Marie's finally got this.

  6. "Charizard gets annihilated by Stealth Rocks whenever he comes in, and Donald Trump treats words like sticks and stones breaking his bones."

    That's a new one-liner I tried. So article UPDATE whoo


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