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Thursday, February 25, 2016

KoopaTV Judges the February 25 CNN Republican Presidential Debate!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's the debate before Super Tuesday.

Which states are voting in the primaries on March 1, 2016? Those are Alabama, Arkansas, Colorado, Georgia, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas, Vermont and Virginia for both Republicans and Democrats, plus Alaska for the Republicans. If you're a Democrat or leaning that way, please vote for Bernie Sanders. Hillary Clinton should not get the vote of anyone who likes videogames, which should be everyone reading this site

If you're a Republican, then... I'm not really sure what you should do. Donald Trump has won three of the previous four states and is still leading. Maybe this debate will help make your decision. My own guy, who was also KoopaTV's endorsement, isn't even running for president anymore. So I'm an undecided voter, and KoopaTV as a whole's only remaining endorsement is still for Bernie Sanders. That's pretty sad. So let's grade tonight's debate performance among Donald Trump, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, John Kasich, and Ben Carson.

CNN Republican GOP Debate February 25 final talking times Carson Cruz Kasich Rubio Trump
Final talking times, courtesy of NPR.

Donald Trump

Well, Donald Trump got attacked by the people to his left and his right — Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio. All night. Trump got tired in the ~130 minute debate, throwing around all sorts of insults and without policy substance. Donald Trump has expressed he feels bad for John Kasich and Ben Carson, and wondered why he was getting all the questions from the moderators.

Mitt Romney Donald Trump tax returns bombshell CNN debate
What the hell does Mitt Romney know about Donald Trump's taxes?

Donald Trump revealed that he's been audited every year for the past twelve years. Probably a clear case of IRS audit abuse.

Donald Trump ain't one for complicated plans — his whole healthcare reform is having interstate competition. That's great. Will that be enough to fix healthcare insurance in the United States? Unclear.

Marco Rubio

“Go online and Google it: Donald Trump Polish Workers.” Marco Rubio repeated that, and looked like a goofball making quips all night with his goofy face.

Marco Rubio vs Donald Trump healthcare plan lines around the states giggle laugh grin
Marco Rubio giggling at his own one-liners.

Marco Rubio didn't really have much policy to talk about since he was just bashing Trump, which is nice because Rubio's policies are generally bad.

Marco Rubio called at one point that every candidate on the stage needs to give an answer for how they'll handle the national debt, but the moderators never asked about the national debt and no one gave an answer on it.

Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz normally tries to be the ONE TRUE CONSERVATIVE, but most of his time tonight was attacking Donald Trump. In particular, it was spent bashing Trump for Trump's many donations over the years to Democratic Party politicians, including Hillary Clinton.

Ted Cruz didn't give policy perscriptions or really any reason to vote FOR Ted Cruz. Just to vote against Trump.

John Kasich

John Kasich? Uh... well, he's still the governor of Ohio who balanced the budget. He DIDN'T say that Ohio was “eight billion in the hole and now we're two billion in the black” this debate, though! Good for him.

John Kasich believes that businesses in commerce should focus on commerce, instead of not selling cakes to gay couples.

Ben Carson

The debate rules state that a candidate gets to respond when they are attacked by another candidate. That's why Donald Trump got so much talking time. Poor Ben Carson was asked the least number of questions, and at one point pleaded to the candidates, “Can somebody attack me, please?” But no one ever did.

Ben Carson actually is talking more coherently and at a faster pace than he did at the start of these debates. It's just he doesn't get to have time to have anything to say because the media has already determined that Ben Carson isn't viable. I think the media just is against doctors.


  • Beauty: Ben Carson
  • Cool: Donald Trump
  • Cute: Ben Carson
  • Smart: John Kasich
  • Tough: Donald Trump
These awards don't mean much, except for Ben Carson's. Edward Snowden has a great summary of the whole debate in a tweet:

The Republican Party is still screwed, and Ludwig doesn't have a favourite candidate still running. He'll probably write-in Rand Paul. Have fun with President Hillary Clinton and a dead videogame industry, along with every other industry in America dying. If you're less pessimistic than this footer, please comment.

CNN can't be trusted.


  1. if is official. Donald Trump cannot say something without making a face

  2. So the point is whoever wins, we lose?

    1. I feel so helpless in not being able to do anything about it.

    2. If you wanted to do something about it, you could've started earlier in the process and volunteered for a campaign or something, back when the field was still open and we had way too many candidates.


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