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Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Try Cleaning Your Closet

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - And then stop putting stuff in there.

I cannot count how many times I've read how people clean their closet, look under their bed or couch mattress, explore their attic/basement, or put their hands in their other pants pocket to find something they didn't even know they still had — or they didn't know they ever possessed it at all. These range from hentai VHS tapes (plus Pokémon 2000) to a rare $2 bill. One League of Legends player found a Nintendo Game Boy and 5–6 games after cleaning his closet for the first time in ten years. He mentions the games were stolen — it's grammatically unclear whether the League of Legends player was the thief or the victim, though you can perform value judgments as to which is more likely.

It's a lot better to be on top of your inventory. It's also weird that people claim to have never had these things to begin with and they just magically come into your possession. Is it the Minish at work, the tooth fairy, or some other nearly-invisible force just putting things in places we don't look?

Minish The Legend of Zelda dollar bill Game Boy in your closet hidden items
The Minish are putting all these forgotten things in forgotten places for our accidental discovery.

Rather than be in dire straights all the time, or being the victim of a stinky or possibly even moldy closet, go ahead and clean it. You'll know what you have. It kind of takes away from the idea that you have $50 waiting to bail you out in the case of an emergency — just if you can find it in your attic corner in-between two floorboards. However, the people who don't keep on top of their hoarded possessions are likely to be the ones who get into financial troubles like that.

Besides, whatever you uncover is going to be gross and really dusty. Here are two scenarios:
  1. You open your closet to get a suit out. You rarely wear a suit, but this is a special occasion: Maybe it's a job interview, or prom, or a funeral. You trip over a box-like thing in your closet: It's a Nintendo GameCube! It doesn't work anymore because it's been annihilated with dust. Falling on it doesn't help, either. You also can't even find the power cord. On top of that, you can't even find your suit among the giant piles of clothes in the closet, and you become unsure if it's even there.
  2. You keep your GameCube out in the open and clean it regularly, even if you don't play it regularly. When you do, it plays amazingly and you have a lot of fun. You go into your closet and get your suit out after finding it easily.
Which would you rather do?

Side with hygiene. And do so regularly, even at a rate of “spring cleaning.”

Ludwig's amiibo might be collecting dust, which is a shame. His Wii Balance Board was absolutely overwhelmed by dust — he didn't try to use the Balance Board to weigh it, though. You may see it as part of a photo shoot in an upcoming article. Are there things that you've found in your closet before that you didn't know was there? If you investigate it after reading this article, will you post in the comments section about what you've found?


  1. Depending on the season I always switch between where I store my winter and summer clothes so I can see the inventory in my closet. Also I moved thanks to my marriage so I kept track of what I took with me to the new home and what I stored at my parents' home.

    Also could have used Europe's Messy vs Tidy results.

    1. So you have a winter storage bureau, and a summer storage bureau? Good tactics.

      I was expressively trying to avoid having Splatoon-related stuff consecutively every article.

      Plus, Europe's Splatfest was specifically for bedrooms.

  2. I feel left out not having a closet, but a smal wardrobe(like theres only clothes in there) buuuut when I clearing up my desk's drawers and under my bed recently I found some things I thought I lost lol, namely, my pokemon white copy(had it since 2011) and a cartridge of pokemon leaf green.... which sadly is corrupted :(


      Personally, I keep all my old console games under the bed in a box.
      So I know that they're there and I'm not surprised or anything. That's the only stuff under there.

    2. RIP... and i only reached snorlax, so unfair

      good to know that some people do keep their things organised lol, all my console things are in a drawer, but theres also some stuff that are pretty much in places that you wouldn't expect them...(like a kitchen cupboard)

      (also excuse my typos from the original comment)

    3. ...........


      Please tell me that's the cooking navigator thing.!_DS_Ory%C5%8Dri_Navi

    4. lol definitely not my games! by you may find one or two broken nunchucks there :/

    5. Broken Nunchuks probably don't even belong in your house, and certainly not your kitchen cupboard. :(

    6. i feed bad throwing away my stuff .-. and dont worry that cupboard doesnt have any foodstuff

    7. Does it have medication?

      IS THERE A DR. PLUMBER cartridge?

  3. Some things that I hope to find:
    Pokèmon Diamond
    Donkey Kong Jr. e-Reader Card
    Four Swords Adventure
    My dad once found GTA for the DS out of nowhere. I asked him where he found it, but he said something along the lines of "lying about".
    Anyway, I rarely used my closet, but I know it's filled with a Broken Peach amiibo, Smash Bros. soundtrack, some old VHS tapes that I have no interest in watching, etc. I think all of the riches comes in the storage section of our house, filled with more boxes than anyone can go through in a few hours.

    1. Those are some valuable things you've lost. :(
      Chinatown Wars?

      More boxes than anyone can go through even given several hours? YOU HOARDERS.

    2. However, I can share a successful "I found a(n) _____ in the closet". My Nintendo 3DS was in a suit for an entire month. It's even in the transferred Activity Log!

    3. ...wait what

      Like, a suit jacket pocket?

      And someone actually wore it and it picked up the steps?

      ...And the battery survived?

    4. Yes, a pocket. And no, the contrary.

    5. So it's more like... it's not in the Activity Log.

  4. My closet is always clean so you don't have to worry about me.


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