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Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Shulk Is Really Feeling The Exclusivity

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - His game and his Amiibo!

That Shulk guy can apparently see the future and he's not really feeling it. He made my father really feel it when he viciously assaulted him, though. And for some reason, his future sight ability (and probably his callous hatred for handsome Koopa Kings) makes Shulk really like GameStop. After all, Xenoblade Chronicles was, according to GameStop, exclusive to GameStop. (Also according to GameStop, it's worth more used than new. Seriously, click this. You'll laugh.)

Now we have learned from Nintendo that Shulk's Amiibo will also be exclusive to GameStop. GameStop is saying it's an exclusive in the same wording as before!

We'll wait for Pre-Owned Shulk figures to be $22.99.

Actually, it's not that ridiculous that Shulk's Amiibo, or anyone else's, might increase in value if it's pre-owned. After all, he will be trained already, and depending on the owner, he might be capable of things you could never imagine. Folks are already predicting that Amiibos owned by Super Smash Bros. series professional players will be quite high in value, since the Amiibo will learn its tricks off its owner. Certainly worth a lot more than what that Flare Blitz-spamming guy online's Amiibo will be worth.

So what is Shulk's obsession with GameStop? You're eagerly waiting for me to let you in on my theory. ...Well, warning, none of the following is grounded in facts. (Unlike the rest of KoopaTV, of course.)

Shulk has a vision. This is unlike any other Super Smash Bros. character. Shulk's vision obviously involves GameStop in some way. So, what is that vision? ...You think I know? I haven't interviewed Shulk to write this! (And no way am I trying after what he did to King Dad.)

Does Shulk's vision involve a GameStop that is flailing in the face of surging digital purchases instead of brick-and-mortar? Or does Shulk see a GameStop that is able to adapt to that trend and then has a resurgence in importance?

Which future would benefit Shulk more? After all, he wants to be successful, right? (Or maybe he doesn't. I don't know his motive!) Well, if GameStop fails, how can it possibly benefit Shulk for his games and himself to be stuck on a sinking ship? And if GameStop succeeds, how does it benefit Shulk to only have his games and himself at GameStop when maximising his exposure involves being everywhere? And the more exposure, the more sales.

So what if Shulk's goal isn't self-benefit... but he is out to be a hero? What if he wants to drive attention to GameStop in order to rescue it? For whatever reason. Maybe Reyn or Dunban or some other Xenoblade Chronicles character is on GameStop's board of directors! (I only know those dudes from sucking in the GameFAQs character contest.)

OR Shulk wants to preside over the fall of GameStop. Shulk and Xenoblade Chronicles might be sabotaging GameStop from the inside.

Either way, we still don't know if the New 3DS port of Xenoblade Chronicles will ALSO be GameStop-exclusive. If it is, then that's three in a row and definitely something suspicious. We'll keep an eye on him. I mean, we already are: Shulk is on the Koopa Kingdom Most Wanted list! (Obviously below you-know-who and his brother.)

Ludwig wishes he had more knowledge of Xenoblade Chronicles so this article could be more coherent. If you know more about Shulk than Ludwig does (he only sees Shulk as an anti-Koopa terrorist), please offer your insights in the comments section!

Along with having a dubious relationship with GameStop, Shulk is also a Pokémon.
If the series remained a GameStop exclusive forever, Rawk probably wouldn't be a fan of it. 


  1. Maybe Gamestop was originally run by Colony 6. ;) (A destroyed city you help rebuild and get back on its feet as an optional sidequest.)

    1. Woah woah woah.

      What do YOU know about Xenoblade? :O


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