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Thursday, August 24, 2017

Why Is Angry Sun So Angry? Total Solar Eclipse!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm not blaming the August 21, 2017 eclipse, but there was an earlier one.

No, we didn't interview the Angry Sun for this article. We merely are applying logic and did some investigative journalism. (What a great interview that would be, though. How do we get in touch with him?) Anyway, the Angry Sun, known for being a pretty small-looking sun that is always mad, has confounded many Desert Land denizens and tourists for decades. Why is the Angry Sun so angry? Was he born angry? Believe me, it would be perfectly understandable if Angry Sun was angry just because Mario was in his presence. Everyone, including heavenly bodies, ought to be mad at that war criminal's continued existence. But, no, Angry Sun is just always angry, plumber or not. 

There must be a tragic backstory.


There IS a tragic backstory. We figured it out.

Teletubbies baby sun Angry Sun Super Mario Bros. 3 solar tragic backstory
How did the Angry Sun go from such a happy little cutie to the pissed off ball of fiery rage we know it as today?

As you can see above, the Angry Sun, born as Baby Sun, was a happy, big, bright star, in many senses of the world. Very popular among the heavenly bodies for his cuteness and shininess, Baby Sun was given a lot of attention and love from just about everyone. He grew up content.

Blessed Happy Sun Paper Mario sprite Flower Fields
Baby Sun, but older. Now known as Happy Sun.

Happy Sun made his home at the top of Sun Tower, located within Flower Fields of the Mushroom Kingdom. When Happy Sun wasn't up in the sky providing life for flowers, trees, and really, everything else around, he was resting on Sun Tower while the moon was up instead. It was a very fulfilling job for Happy Sun. The pay wasn't the best, but the intrinsic rewards were amazing. People everywhere would regularly thank Happy Sun for his service. Sometimes, they even prayed to him or gave him gifts, which were taxed as tips.

Unfortunately... the moon became jealous of Happy Sun. The moon was essentially acting as Happy Sun's night shift, while everyone was sleeping. No one thanked the moon. It was thankless work, and for even less pay.

One day, the moon tried to force Happy Sun to take paid time off, so the moon could cover Happy Sun's day shift and get the thanks from the commoners that the moon felt like it deserved. Happy Sun didn't want to take a vacation, however. The moon came by anyway and tried to eclipse Happy Sun... resulting in darkness.

Sad Sun Paper Mario Yoshi's Island moon total solar eclipse
You can see Happy Sun transform into Sad Sun while being covered by the moon.

Temperatures dropped. Flowers and trees died. Solar energy generation was depleted. There was a lot of devastation. Happy Sun was happy no more. Happy Sun was now to be called... Sad Sun. Sad Sun shrank in size a bit, and shined less bright. Sad Sun became quite dim, both in appearance and demeanour.

Both Sad Sun and the moon got fired from their jobs, and Sad Sun no longer was able to command the support of the people. Sad Sun became furious at the moon for this turn of events, becoming very angry. Sad Sun was now known as Angry Sun.

Angry Sun moved to Desert Land. Desert Land was a much harsher place than Flower Fields, and Angry Sun no longer had a tower to rest. Angry Sun became even more mad — not just for the old grudge against the moon, but against life in general. Angry Sun's brow became forever furrowed, and he is now in a perpetual state of outrage even worse than the social justice warriors in the President Donald John Trump era. That's quite a feat for him, but it's a defeat for any inhabitants or tourists in Desert Land, who must suffer the consequences of the Angry Sun.

We're a bit concerned that, one day, Angry Sun will have an incredibly high pressure, get a stroke, and turn into a Black Dwarf, which is the technical (if not theoretical) name for a dead sun that no longer emits light. There's no picture for that, since that is not only speculative, but it's something that we don't want to portray because it would be highly disturbing. Given KoopaTV's penchant for predicting the future, this is one future that we really don't want to happen.

...Oh, nevermind, Rawk decided to contribute a picture and he insists that I include it in the article. Guess we're all doomed.

Black Dwarf Sad Sun glitching Paper Mario dying
The sun is glitching out of existence as a Black Dwarf.


Someone give the Angry Sun some psychological help before our doom is certain! Just... don't look directly at him. I heard that might blind you, even if he's dimming down.


The sprite for the moon was ripped by A.J. Nitro of Spriter's Resource, while Happy/Sad Sun were ripped by Retriever II of Spriter's Resource/mfgg.net. Ludwig acknowledges that mentioning the sun and the moon a lot in a totally different context than KoopaTV's normal sun/moon mentions (which would be Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon) might confuse users and search engines alike.


You would need special glasses to be able to look directly at the Angry Sun.
Though, if you're President Donald John Trump, you're able to look at the sun without wearing special glasses and survive.

10 comments :

  1. The moon would be happy to know at least most Inkings love him and even won a battle in his name. Many Inklings also mocked the sun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, the flawed protagonist of the article is the sun. >_>

      Besides, Team Rising Moon in the Splatoon 2 World Inkling Invitational Championships (2017) was a disaster. AND French.

      Delete
    2. "Unfortunately... the moon became jealous of Happy Sun. The moon was essentially acting as Happy Sun's night shift, while everyone was sleeping. No one thanked the moon. It was thankless work, and for even less pay.

      One day, the moon tried to force Happy Sun to take paid time off, so the moon could cover Happy Sun's day shift and get the thanks from the commoners that the moon felt like it deserved. Happy Sun didn't want to take a vacation, however. The moon came by anyway and tried to eclipse Happy Sun... resulting in darkness."

      Well it was the moon's fault in the first place so maybe if we satisfy the moon, the sun will be happier too.

      Okay want something sun related? The baby who played the baby sun in Teletubbies is an adult now: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/11310883/The-baby-from-Teletubbies-reveals-herself.html

      I have no idea which Brit news is okay to link here or not.

      Delete
    3. If you ask me, the sun has gone past the point where he can be happy from the moon being anything but dead. If they still worked together, you'd get a lot of workplace violence.

      From my view, all of the British news sucks, but all of Vortexica's articles link to the BBC as a source so that's okay.

      Delete
  2. I wish that the Sun would be angrier this weekend and evaporate all of the rain from potentially flooding my city. At least we have safely evacuated to a safer place before the hurricane hits. The only other danger we may face are isolated tornadoes, but we are fully prepared for anything that comes our way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, since climate change is apparently responsible for every naturally-occurring bad thing, perhaps the Sun becoming angry is what's causing this.

      STAY SAFE.

      Delete
    2. Just a quick update:
      Fortunately, we still have electricity where we're staying. There are occasionally large gusts of wind and a constant drizzle but nothing too bad yet. It's times like these I wish had a Switch, but I least I still have my 3ds and Wii U with me.
      Back in my town, my aunt heard on Good Morning America that the first floor of a new hotel was flooded as well as the pool. I also saw a photo on Facebook of a seafood market near the docks completely flooded to the roof. On a local news channel, they showed that the city may get upwards to over 50 inches of rain by Tuesday night, and that doesn't even include the storm surge. My mother and I made sure to pack the most valuable items and essentials, and I also took pictures on my phone of furniture and other items in case of flood or wind damage. It's a good thing that we have insurance. I also hope that our neighbors who decided to stay and stray cats took refuge elsewhere. Whenever we return, there will a lot of work to do. I may even write a guest article once everything is clear, but until then I'll be staying safe here with my mother and cats.

      Delete
    3. I guess if you want some inspiration on staying alive during a hurricane, read YoshiRider123's story during Hurricane Sandy back in 2012.

      Delete
  3. Who could give The Angry Sun the psychological help he needs? Mercury? Venus?

    (It's the end times...)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was hoping one of the readers, but apparently not.

      The last thing we need is for Sun and Pluto to team up and wreck things.

      Delete

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