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Monday, November 21, 2016

Trump Transition Team Considering Reggie Fils-Aime?!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Will Reggie leave Nintendo of America to make America — no matter one's console — great again?

Current Nintendo Executive Officer Reginald “Reggie” Fils-Aime, and the Donald Trump presidential transition team are discussing a role for Mr. Fils-Aime within the President-elect Donald John Trump administration, say sources with knowledge of the interactions. According to these sources, speaking exclusively with KoopaTV under the condition of anonymity, Mr. Fils-Aime is seeking a position within the White House or United States government for one of:
  • Federal Communications Commission
  • Inter-American Tropical Tuna Commission
  • National Science Foundation
  • Pacific Salmon Commission
Mr. Fils-Aime purports to have a wide variety of talents and passions, ranging from his current job's exposure to the unique intersection between the arts and the sciences, to fish.

President-elect Donald John Trump and Mr. Fils-Aime, according to sources, have some level of personal familiarity, having both been involved with Pizza Hut marketing around the same time — Mr. Trump in a commercial for stuffed-crust pizza, and Mr. Fils-Aime as Senior Director of National Marketing.

A source whose job it is to watch the C-Span press area pool feed of the Trump Tower elevators reported that someone who looked like Mr. Fils-Aime went up to the president-elect's office suite sometime Monday afternoon.

This comes amidst controversies surrounding both the president-elect and Mr. Fils-Aime. For Mr. Trump, questions have risen regarding the diversity of his cabinet, and the presence of dangerous “alt-right” elements at the highest levels of government. All across America's cities, protestors continue to contest the results of the election and chant that Mr. Trump does not represent them. For Mr. Fils-Aime, he is seen as the central figure preventing the cult classic MOTHER 3 from being localised for the North American audience. Protestors regularly sit outside of Nintendo of America, demanding its release, only to be forcibly removed by the Reggie Fils-A-Mech security system.


Reggie Fils-Aime Fils-a-mech laser eyes beams heat fire Nintendo robot mecha
File image of the Reggie Fils-A-Mech clearing MOTHER 3 protestors from the Nintendo of America premises.
(Image credit: Nintendo.)

Mr. Fils-Aime, if selected for any position, would have to resign from Nintendo of America, and would have to disclose any potential financial conflicts of interest, a reversal of Mr. Fils-Aime's usually private personal life outside of his work at running Nintendo “16 hours a day.” Mr. Fils-Aime completed a Bachelor of Arts in applied economics and management at Cornell University in 1983, with strong performances in reviving Derby Cycle and VH1, before coming to Nintendo in 2003. He became president and chief operating officer of Nintendo of America in 2006.

KoopaTV reached out to both the Trump transition team and to Nintendo of America for comments, but neither organisation has responded.


Ludwig is a reporter at KoopaTV. Stay tuned to KoopaTV for any more developments of this and other stories.


Mr. Fils-Aime previously canceled a lunch meeting with President Barack Hussein Obama.
Believe it or not, Ludwig wrote this whole article (it's a parody) to use as an in-house example piece for KoopaTV's next article, a guide to how to be a good media consumer.
Those protestors have succeeded! MOTHER 3, come to me!

6 comments :

  1. Ah, your sources. Of course! I know to depend on KoopaTV for all my investigative reporting needs! Maybe you can look into the exploding Samsung Galaxy S7s and inform us all on how the recent iPhone 6S battery issues, that Apple has recently acknowledged, are actually evidence of a plot from battery manufacturers in China to... erm... disable all our smartphones, or something. I'll leave that part up to you and your sources. Oh, and how would this relate to video games? Super Mario Run will be on Apple devices. 'Nuff said.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The fun part of our investigative reporting here is that we didn't even go out and look for information. The sources just... came to us. :)

      The truth does not care about whether or not it's related to gaming!
      *ahem*
      The key to a good source is that they give you just the facts, and leave the analysis to us. And clearly, we have the best analysis anywhere.

      Delete
  2. You seem to be references Burger vs Pizza far more often than other Splatfests. Who knew that food can impact you far more than other topics.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Reggie is in his prime! Just when I thought he could only go downhill from here, he surprises me with another unforeseen twist. Whatever position Reggie fills, I know that he will not only make America great again but the entire video game industry as well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He's definitely not done yet making a difference in the world. He's only 55! He's got some years to go. (...Though, Iwata died at 55, so.......)

      Delete

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