King Bowser's Cook-Out!!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You're invited to this SCRUMPTIOUS event celebrating KoopaTV's fourth anniversary!

Well, would you look at the date? It's May 12, 2017! Remember when KoopaTV was founded? May 12, 2013. That makes today KoopaTV's fourth anniversary! WOW!

Rather than rehash what happened in the past 365 days — because how many times do you need to hear how incredible we are for influencing the United States presidential election, or for our incredible insightful and foresightful coverage of the Rio 2016 Olympics — we're going to assume you already know all that and just want to celebrate with us.

So, this year, we're holding...

King Bowser's Cook-Out!!

Yes, King Bowser Koopa himself is back for the benefit of KoopaTV, and he will be taking the guise of Chef King Bowser Koopa! Dig in!

Our invitation card, featuring the most handsome king in the universe.

We have three delectable menu items for today's celebration: 

GameFAQs Best Year in Gaming: Round 2

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You've unlocked more detailed explanations.

The very fine folks over at GameFAQs are going to be entering Round 2 of their new Best Year in Gaming contest. Which year between 1985 and 2016 was the best, as decided by GameFAQs-browsing gamers (which could be anyone, including me)? Well, turns out it's not 1985 or 2016.

Round 1 got rid of a lot of riff-raff. With three exceptions (RIP 2004, 2010, and 2016), GameFAQs largely voted as I voted in Round 1. This makes this round full of more... difficult decisions on my part. It's still two matches a day.

I bet you can guess for Round 3 we'll just replace the 2 with a 3.

The underlined years are what I'm going to vote for. Reminder that there's a reminder of the notable games released each year here, and this is going by American release dates.

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Jeb Bush

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You see that normal-looking title? Everywhere else, he'll be called JEB!.

Today's strategy guide for The Wonderful 1237, KoopaTV's amazing browser-based Flash game, is quite a treat. In case you don't know yet, The Wonderful 1237 features seventeen unique minigames, all from each of the seventeen Republican presidential candidates you will be competing with should you play it.

Right in the middle of the Wonderful Wednesday article about those minigames, this strategy guide is about the man who is part of a now-failed political dynasty, and has been disgraced into a memetic-status: JEB! Bush. In real life, JEB! Bush appeared to be the most formidable candidate in the Republican primaries, having raised the most money of anyone. However, this money advantage isn't represented in The Wonderful 1237, stripping JEB! Bush to his bare essentials: An adorably unlikable loser. Take a look at his abysmal stats:

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:

Beauty: 0 + (0–2)

Cool: 0 + (0–2)

Cute: 1 + (0–5)

Smart: 0 + (0–3)

Tough: 1 + (0–2)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:

Beauty: 14

Cool: 14

Cute: 36

Smart: 21

Tough: 15

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:

Not likely. (JEB! Bush will have 9 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)

“Versus... JEB! BUSH! Fight!”

Finally, The Paper Mario: Color Splash Review

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - In terms of action commands, is this EXCELLENT, GREAT, NICE, or just GOOD? ...Or a failure?

After being informally requested for a long time, on September 23, 2016, it was requested (and seconded) by the readers that when Paper Mario: Color Splash comes out, we would write a review of it. Well, REVIEWS TAKE A LONG TIME, so here we finally are.

We have a very extensive and rich history with Paper Mario: Color Splash. When it was first revealed in a March 3, 2016 Nintendo Direct, Ludwig cursed it. That caused an analysis article looking at the first public trailers of every Paper Mario game, where he again condemned Paper Mario: Color Splash for its striking similarity to Paper Mario: Sticker Star. However, by the time the next round of footage came at E3 2016, the entire KoopaTV staff was stunned at how Paper Mario: Color Splash progressed, which forced Ludwig to write an extremely controversial article defending Paper Mario: Color Splash from people who were still criticising it. From between then and the game's ultimate October 2016 release, KoopaTV covered every Rescue V: Fearless Color Defenders video Nintendo put out, which you can find and read on your own time since this paragraph has enough hyperlinks.

Finally, after having beaten the game and spending quite a number of months thinking about it (to make sure we're not in a honeymoon period), we're ready to review Paper Mario: Color Splash. We'll be reviewing it on what the game is, not what we think it should've been. Also, this review is free of spoilers, or at least, if there are any spoilers, there isn't any context given so you wouldn't know that it's a spoiler.

The Death of Gaming Console Life-cycles (Generations)

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Snide reminder that Vita means “life.”

Since the beginning of the gaming industry in the 1970s with the Magnavox Odyssey, gaming historians and industry people alike have classified gaming eras into generations. These have lasted about five to six years until the next generation began, marked by a new set of hardware releases that generally came out within a year of one another. Some generations still keep going instead of ending when a new generation begins, but most of the attention goes to the new guy because customers like new technology.

But something strange has happened recently. Back in Microsoft's 2016 E3 conference, they basically said they're done with generations and will be moving BEYOND generations. They're saying that Project Scorpio is not a new generation, but part of the perpetual continuation of the existing eighth one.  

Sony, the company famous for proclaiming that their systems have at least a 10-year life-cycle, similarly released/announced the PlayStation 4 Pro and PlayStation 4 Slim. Now, hardware revisions aren't anything new to the industry, but this isn't just a redesign — there is added POWER. Meanwhile, there's no announced plans for a PlayStation 5 to exist... not yet, anyway.

You look at Nintendo and what they just did with the New Nintendo 3DS XL or New Nintendo 2DS XL, and those also have power upgrades within the same system life-cycle. The Nintendo Switch itself demonstrates Nintendo's willingness to move on from the eighth generation's Wii U to a newer one, but the editors at Wikipedia are currently unwilling to say there is a ninth generation just yet. That leaves the Nintendo Switch in some weird, hidden, “other generation” category.

What does this all mean? 

The Optimal Way to Play Team Kirby Clash Deluxe

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - My secrets to unlocking enjoyment from Team Kirby Clash Deluxe. There's spoilers.

It was April 12 when Team Kirby Clash Deluxe was released on the Nintendo 3DS eShop as a free-to-play game. It's an expanded version of the Team Kirby Clash sub-game from Kirby Planet Robobot, similar to how Dedede's Drum Dash Deluxe ($6.99) and Kirby Fighters Deluxe ($6.99) are expanded eShop games of their non-deluxe counterparts from Kirby Triple Deluxe. I guess we finally now have a truly TRIPLE deluxe since there are now three deluxe Kirby games on the eShop? 

Note: On September 4, 2019, Nintendo released Super Kirby Clash on the Nintendo Switch, which is a modified version of Team Kirby Clash Deluxe. The advice from the 3DS game is largely applicable to Super Kirby Clash. However, KoopaTV has also published a Super Kirby Clash-specific etiquette guide for new online players here.

Team Kirby Clash Deluxe is a boss rush of 42 different fights where you can pick four different roles for Kirby, each with their own set of weapons and armour: Sword Hero, Hammer Lord, Doctor Healmore, and Beam Mage. You have a team of four Kirby warriors (you play as one, and the other three are either computers or local friends — no online multiplayer), and you can mix-and-match the roles on your team.

The optimal team is composed of four Beam Mages. The Beam Mage is overpowered. Why? Because they can stop time — freezing not only the enemy in place, but literally the timer you're graded by. How fast you defeat enemies determines how much experience points (there's stats and levels in this game) you get, and many special missions are based on how fast you can finish the fight. Why are missions important? Because this is a free-to-play game in the mold of Pokémon Rumble World. Instead of blood diamonds, they have gem apples growing from a tree. Still, same system of a 3,000 purchasable maximum of diamonds/apples, you get a few diamonds/apples from completing missions, and there's “limited” purchasable special deals from the in-game shop. You also need to use the diamonds/apples to progress through the game in progressively larger quantities, but your “income” of them doesn't grow enough to keep up.

The New Nintendo 2DS XL is What We Should've Had All Along

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's... perfect! But too late.

Last week, Nintendo announced the New Nintendo 2DS XL. It's stunning... and only $150! Coming out July 28, 2017.

Back in the day, I unpopularly defended the Nintendo 2DS when it was first announced. Then we sort of forgot about it, until they announced the New Nintendo 3DS and New Nintendo 3DS XL — which I criticised. ...That is, until I eventually bought one to replace my dying Nintendo 3DS.

This is what the 2DS should've been to begin with. The New Nintendo 3DS took some time to make because of the new face-tracking 3D technology. The New Nintendo 2DS XL doesn't have technology that wasn't available when the 2DS was released.

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Ben Carson

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The patient is in trouble alright... from YOU.

Welcome to another edition of the strategy guides for KoopaTV's amazing browser-based Flash game, The Wonderful 1237! The Wonderful 1237 features seventeen unique minigames, all from each of the seventeen Republican presidential candidates you will be competing with.

As explained in the Wonderful Wednesday article about those minigames, I'll be writing these strategy guides — one for each candidate, in a specific order. This one is about the guy who talks really slowly and doesn't know anything except for surgery: Ben Carson. However, despite being a one-trick dude, the people LOVE Ben Carson — so he actually has the second-highest average stats in the game. He's a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:

Beauty: 3 + (1–5)

Cool: 0 + (0–3)

Cute: 1 + (0–4)

Smart: 1 + (1–5)

Tough: 0 + (0–4)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:

Beauty: 45

Cool: 21

Cute: 29

Smart: 43

Tough: 28

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:

Fairly likely. (Ben Carson will have 13 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)

“VERSUS BEN CARSON!
Fight!”

GameFAQs Best Year in Gaming: Wildcards and Round 1!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - A new GameFAQs contest has begun... what was the best year in gaming?

Before E3 2017 begins, we have an exciting, year-based event to cover: A new GameFAQs contest! I get really excited over these. This time, it's not to figure out the best character or to figure out the best game... but the best... year? This strange format was presumably done to prevent idiotic troll-rallies like what happened for both of the GameFAQs contests that occurred during KoopaTV's existence. (Damn you Draven of League of Legends and damn you Undertale.) It's hard to get excited and rally for a whole year because lots of things happen in 365 or 366 days. ...But I'll try my best, and tell you my thoughts on the bracket for every round.

If you need a reference source for what games came out when — which may be especially confusing if you're not used to American release dates — the contest nerds over at GameFAQs's Board 8 contest board have made a List of Notable Games Released 1985–2016 wiki page.

The underlined years are the ones I'm voting for. If you think my write-ups suck, that's because I'm saving energy and material for the next four rounds.

GameFAQs didn't put their own logo in their banner, so I put it for them. Along with ours, of course.

 

KoopaTV's April 2017 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The magic of 100 days.

Fun fact: We have no idea what we're going to do for our fourth anniversary coming up really soon. Maybe we should figure that out.

Anyway, want to know what happened last month? Well, we're here for you.

In fact, we're here for you all of the time, so check by... often! Perhaps even...everyday? Well, with this story, you should:

KoopaTV Article Production To Be Increased 166.66%!

After the unfortunate news from three months ago about KoopaTV's article production being cut 40%, we're pleased to announce that Sierra Leone and President Donald John Trump have made up with one another. This is one of many examples over the past few months about President Donald John Trump changing his mind (or “pivoting”) on something, and for this example, we're glad.

President Donald John Trump is also putting off the construction and funding for THE WALL, meaning it won't be much trouble for KoopaTV to be able to export our articles into the United States (our main audience). That means we're going to return to our 5-articles-per-week format starting immediately! And not a moment too soon — there is so much stuff to talk about.