We're bringing you yet another Nintendo Direct! Only Ludwig could make it, so it's just him. Lame.
But is that as lame as this Nintendo Direct, or is it a lot lamer because the Direct was great? Read Ludwig's on-the-spot reaction to it below! Watch along with the embedded video:
Nintendork 13 13 4:58 pm
Didn't we just have a Nintendo Direct last week?
Sure it was for Pokémon, but it was still technically a Nintendo Direct.
|You hear that? No NX or mobile. Stop asking them.|
dammit it didn't auto-refresh
So there's Bill Trinen already passing it to Miyamoto for Star Fox Zero.
"Hi everyone. I'm Shigeru Miyamoto, a game producer at Nintendo"
Nintendork 13 13 5:01 pm
Star Fox Zero is finally ready
Story and maps are different compared to Star Fox 64.
Katt is still preoccupied about being treated like a lady.
"You'll be confronted by a never-before-seen boss."
...I mean that's how sequels are supposed to work?
All the dialogue is the same
oh besides PIGMA BOMB
Making a big deal about multiple paths.
But I mean that's not a new thing either.
|SNES graphics apparently fit the game pretty well?|
Nintendork 13 13 5:03 pm
Play as the Arwing from Star Fox SNES if you use it
It looks like it belongs there.
"Star Fox Guard" = Project Guard
"Slippy's Un cle Grippy"
Why not use, like, Beltino?
What the hell is Grippy?
Star Fox Zero and Star Fox Guard packaged as a set.
Both launch April 22, 2016.
balancing update for gear and matchmaking
|Improvements to certain gear abilities! Adjustments to Ranked Battle matchmaking!|
NEW SPLATFEST ELEMENTS. (Say, do I still have to write that request about the OLD Splatfest elements?)
Nintendork 13 13 5:05 pm
NEW SPLATFEST ELEMENTS
Available March 8
Next update are weapons.
Update in two parts.
A game we're all expecting
"Not actual gameplay footage"
For Ludwig & Bowser at the Olympic Games
I'M LOOKING FOR MYSELF
There was Larry and Wendy
This quality is dying in terms of video
Wendy O. Koopa waving
WHERE AM I
|I can't believe Wendy O. Koopa got this primetime action next to King Dad and I did not!|
After this article is published, I'm rewatching the Mario & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games trailer in slow motion.
Nintendork 13 13 5:07 pm
I ATTENDED THIS PHOTO SHOOT DAMMIT
I DID'T SEE ME
They showed Tails looking like a loser
with magical sticks
June 24, 2016 release
Rio 2016 Olympic Games launches March 18, 2016 on 3DS
Super Mari0 Maker
6.2 million courses and counting and most suck
"It's updatye time"
Thwomps turn into skewers
P-Switch turns into keys
Doors turn into key doors
Nintendork 13 13 5:09 pm
You can have bosses hold keys
So you can now have "mandatory boss battles"
There's a new Super Expert mode in 100 Mari0 Challenge
because it wasn't hard enough
March 9 download
Wot's this awful music
It's "inspired" by Fire Embelem
Keep English VO track
and add English sub-titles
I'm a JRPG fan
|Much better name than “Genei Ibun Roku #FE”.|
Nintendork 13 13 5:11 pm
"Tokyo Mirage Sessions Sharp FE" is the full title
Funny how that turned out.
Now here is, uh, that online free-to-play game I forgot about.
Lost Reavers from Bandai Namco
PAPER MARI0 COLOUR SPLASH
Theme is colours and paint
In Prism Island
IT'S PAPER MARI0 WII U
"Bring colour back to the land"
Has a Paint Hammer
Is this gonna be a Splatoon item
THERE'S A FUCKING
PECIAL ATTACK FAN
|Sorry about the swearing, but this screenshot just about confirms the series is dead.|
Nintendork 13 13 5:13 pm
IT'S FUCKING BASED OFF STICKER STAR THEN?
(Here's Pokkén Tournament)
They didn't specifically say
"This is based off Sticker Star"
But all it had were Toads
and a "Thing"-like fan
Lucario looks cool here
Too bad it's killing the video quality
GENGAR JUST ATE A SCEPTILE
Launches March 18, 2016
Nintendork 13 13 5:16 pm
Pokkén Tournament Early Access Competition March 17
Twilight Princess HD comes out March 4, 2016 (or tomorrow)
"March is also a big month for Nintendo 3DS!"
And then talks about My Nintendo
"Play apps, purchase digital games → EARN POINTS"
They say sign up for a Nintendo account now but I already did I wrote about it too
Mini Mari0 & Friends Amiibo Challenge
featuring deformed toy Bowser dancing
This is basically a flash game
You can buy it for free
|So...I'm actually really glad that I don't have an amiibo.|
Nintendork 13 13 5:18 pm
and comes with an amiibo purchase in retail next month I guess
Isabelle will now have a "summer outfit"
"Virtual Console is now about to get an upgrade, EXCLUSIVE to New Nintendo 3DS"
yooooo EarthBound is going to be on this
"Available March 3, 2016" "Available March 24" "Available April 14"
They're all SNES games/
Bill Trinen wants to turn his New 3DS XL into a portable SNES.
GameFreak now has...
...a Solitaire-based horseracing game?
Now come you can do horse gambling as its own game but not the Game Corner in new Pokémon games?
Nintendork 13 13 5:20 pm
"Pocket Card Jackey" in May
Azure Gunvolt something 2
(Is this basically Mega Man Zero?)
"Azure Striker Gunvolt 2" on 3DS Summer 2016
Now talking about Fire Emblem Fates.
More DLC maps whoo
Along with Fire Emblem Fates Revelation.
Purchase Revelations in-game for Conquest and Birthright March 10 for $19.99
Nintendork 13 13 5:22 pm
Nohr and Hoshido are fighting for who gets to save a Corrin from another world?
...What the hell kind of plot is that?
ew it's Linkle
Beginning on launch day, you can buy a Season Pass for Hyrule Warriors Legends!
Featuring a Ganondorf costume.
They're talking about some annoying cross-console things.
You can get the characters in Legends
YO IT'S MEDLI
|Medli was a distinguished avian of honour for KoopaTV's Thanksgiving-Chanukkah special.|
Nintendork 13 13 5:24 pm
"Disney Art Academy"
So it's a Disney version of Pokémon Art Academy, which is a Pokémon version of Art Academy.
"And yes, even Disney's Frozen"
Bill Trinen talking about job system in Bravely Second.
Nintendork 13 13 5:26 pm
Bravely Second demo is gonna be a thing soon. I never played the demo for the first Bravely Demo. :-(
Something about Best Buy My Gamers Club gets the demo earlier.
There's an art book you get if you do something.
Dragon Quest VII coming to 3DS. "Essentially a brand-new game."
Nintendork 13 13 5:29 pm
"The story has been completely retranslated." (I wonder if people think they're CENSORING Dragon Quest VII!)
Monster Hunter Cross is coming to America as Monster Hunter Generations
debut trailer time
(not actual gameplay)
|Monster Hunter Generations is looking super-hardcore, until they show what Marth looks like.|
For your eyes, I won't do that.
Nintendork 13 13 5:31 pm
You get bonus content if you have Monster Hunter 4 save data.
It's on sale for 48 hours on the eShop from now.
Is in that
and he looks hideous
I'm not gonna seek that out.
"At E3, we introduced a game that left games with some questions."
It's Metroid Prime Federation Force.
Developers have great passion.
Development started in 2009?
"Early experiments began with our reliable partners with Next Level Games"
Nintendork 13 13 5:33 pm
(shout-out to Punch-Out!! Wii)
They just trashed the DSi, which Federation Force was originally developed for.
Then restarted the project when they saw the New 3DS XL.
...so I guess they were sitting on it doing nothing for years.
Samus Aran is in Bermuda during the game.
So generic Galactic Federation Soldiers are the characters.
Each player can play a different role.
Healer, warrior, whatever.
"absolutely belongs in the Metroid universe. That, I promise."
|Samus Aran just wants to disappear from these creeps into the Bermuda Triangle. Leave her alone.|
Nintendork 13 13 5:35 pm
"But the galaxy is not at peace."
These chibi soliders are adorable.
I dunno why people hate it.
Oh, what? The soldiers are going to
Apparently Bermuda is in an Ice Age.
Space Pirates are ambushing them.
The soldiers gotta work together to survive the Space Pirate attack.
"The mission... isn't over yet."
Stay tuned for more information.
Metroid Prime Federation Force releases LATE SPRING 2016
Nintendork 13 13 5:37 pm
woah Rhythm Heaven
Rhythm Heaven MegaMix
Coming to North America this year.
100 games, with 30 new ones.
"Available later this year" on 3DS.
"Let's take a look at one last game."
YO IT'S KIRBY
"This time invaders have mechanised Dream Land."
It's basically Triple Deluxe.
wtf "Doctor Kirby"
Kirby uses mechas
The Robo Bot Army can copy opponent enemies and use modes.
"Team Kirby Clash"
is a sub-game
|It's like Mega Man X, but with Kirby. Yeah.|
Nintendork 13 13 5:40 pm
Multiplayer game with EXPERIENCE POINTAS AND LEVELS AND STATS
Available with download play.
Downloading amiibo will give you a random ability except Mari0 which gives you fire
and Link gives Sword and Kirby gives Smash Bros.
LAUNCHING NEW LINE OF KIRBY SERIES AMIIBO
Kirby, King Dedede, Meta Knight, and Waddle Dee.
"Kirby Planet Robobot" coming out June 10
"When we have more to reveal, we'll let you know. See you next time!"
Nintendork 13 13 5:42 pm
...I guess the leak about Paper Mari0 on Wii U was true
but the game seems dead-on-arrival from what we know.
That's a shame. RIP that series
...That's my lasting impression.
(Can't wait to see what the new Splatfest mechanics are. Guess that means new Splatfest coming soon, too!)
Nintendork 13 13 5:46 pm
...also wtf I gotta talk to the producers of Mari0 & Sonic Rio 2016 Olympic Games
BECAUSE I DID NOT SEE ME
While Ludwig is watching the Mario & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games trailer over again at .25x speed, what did you think about today's Nintendo Direct? Do you share Ludwig's sentiments about Paper Mario: Color Splash, and is there a game that was announced that you think Ludwig overlooked in attention?
For the Pokémon Direct from last week, click here.
Ludwig looked and looked, and he wasn't in the Wii U version's opening video for Mario & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games.
That solitaire horse-racing game, Pocket Card Jockey (amazing how Ludwig screwed up the spelling), is absolutely amazing and full of depth.
Exactly one year after this, Nintendo's next hardware system released.