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Friday, May 12, 2017

King Bowser's Cook-Out!!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You're invited to this SCRUMPTIOUS event celebrating KoopaTV's fourth anniversary!

Well, would you look at the date? It's May 12, 2017! Remember when KoopaTV was founded? May 12, 2013. That makes today KoopaTV's fourth anniversary! WOW!

Rather than rehash what happened in the past 365 days — because how many times do you need to hear how incredible we are for influencing the United States presidential election, or for our incredible insightful and foresightful coverage of the Rio 2016 Olympics — we're going to assume you already know all that and just want to celebrate with us.

So, this year, we're holding...

King Bowser's Cook-Out!!

Yes, King Bowser Koopa himself is back for the benefit of KoopaTV, and he will be taking the guise of Chef King Bowser Koopa! Dig in!

King Bowser's Cook-Out!! chef BBQ Koopa KoopaTV barbeque fourth anniversary invitation card
Our invitation card, featuring the most handsome king in the universe.

We have three delectable menu items for today's celebration: 

Yoshi Kebab

Yoshi Kebab is one of Chef King Bowser Koopa's favourite dishes. First, he picks out which of the many caged Yoshis is ripe enough for consumption.

egg King Scoopa Koopa Yoshi point poke chef Super Mario World
Yes, how about this one?

Afterwards, the Yoshi will be tied up, unable to resist what's coming next. That's good, because these are ferocious animals. Then, you just stick your fork into the Yoshi and Chef King Bowser Koopa will fry it for you!

Ludwig Von Koopa fork Yoshi Bowser fire breath flame Super Smash Bros. For Wii U eating Yoshi kebab kabob
Burning the Yoshi alive ensures maximum freshness!

Rotisserie Dedede

While it may have a long preparation time, we assure you that Rotisserie Dedede, inspired by Team Kirby Clash Deluxe, is some of the finest avian protein this side of Dream Land.

First, we place the Dedede inside of our other-dimensional oven, which itself is placed within a massive lava pit.

King Dedede oven rotisserie Norfair Super Smash Bros. For Wii U cooked
The entire Dedede is placed in the oven, posing for your amusement.

After an hour, out comes the finished product, already marinated by the Dedede's succulent robe:

Rotisserie chicken Dedede Super Smash Bros. For Wii U cooked food
We let the majority of the Dedede go to waste so we're serving you only the good parts!

Tsareena-Stomped Steak

Returning from its nomination as one of the best new characters of 2016, it's Steak!

(Video concept and editing by RawkHawk2010)

To tenderise this magnificent slab of meat, Chef King Bowser Koopa has enlisted the help of one of the best new Pokémon found in the Alola region, Tsareena! Tsareena is an expert in using Stomp to make guys and things go her way, and Steak definitely needs some domination. She's nicknamed Madame Loins.

For added flavour, Mario is included as seasoning.

Perhaps the best part of this dish is that not only do you not need two hands, you don't even need one! That means you can play two phones-worth of Super Mario Run at the same time! But, unfortunately for Mario, he won't be Running away from King Bowser's Cook-Out!!!

Please order one or more of the dishes in the comments section, and KoopaTV will serve it to you. And, best of all, it's free! Compliments of the chef! King Bowser's Cook-Out!! is sponsored by King Bowser's Scoopa Koopa business, and thus by Team Burgers. Also, please congratulate KoopaTV on its fourth anniversary, and KoopaTV will hope to give you four more years!

Perhaps all of the FIRE from last year's KoopaTV anniversary is being used for this year's cooking?
Madame Loins return to stomp out some FAKE NEWS.
Madame Loins also returns for KoopaTV's FIFTH anniversary, among other fruits.


  1. Unfun fact: Just like last year, I spelled "May" as "March".

  2. Oh!

    I'll have Rotisserie Dedede, I guess. I dunno, I have a bad feeling about this...

    Anyway, yay, congrats! Four years is a while, and while I've only been here for less than one of them, it's an entertaining site you got here............ yeah. Thumbs up.

    1. Okay! Come back in an hour or so.


      Thanks for the support!

  3. Is the Mario seasoning on the Stomped Steak optional? I'm not fond of eating little paper shreds.

    1. Well... I guess it'll have to be, since there's a limited amount of Mario that can be seasoned.

    2. Then I'll have the steak without it thx.

    3. Okay! Coming soon to a mouth near you, Tsareena-Stomped Steak!

    4. ...Here you are! All stomped and yum!

  4. Just stumbled onto this site through a Google image search. I remember seeing you get banned on GAF after your insanity was poinetd out. What a fucking nutcase. I can't believe you pretend this Geocities-looking site is anything more than a failure that no one gives a fuck about.

    I mean, granted, you apparently are a big supporter of a factually racist president. So I'm not expecting anything less than delusion.

  5. I'll have an order of Yoshi Kebab with a side of shredded Marios and a chocolate lava cake for dessert.
    Cheers to 4 years of KoopaTV!

    1. Dat chocolate lava cake might take some time to get. Gotta straight-up import it from Koopa Kingdom, 'cause it was not brought to where the Cook-Out!! is.

      But while you wait, Yoshi Kebab comin' up!

  6. Bah! I missed it?! Dang it, I was too busy organizing my old Milli Vanilli albums!! Of all the times to need to hear 'Blame it on the rain,' why'd I have to pick last Friday?!

    Nuts. Now all I have is cold chicken, and a soothing melody that takes me back to 1991~.

    Are there any chips leftover?

    1. (Your comments are amaaaaaazing.)

      There's leftover chips, but only if you're talking about what the Brits call chips.

    2. One day I want to walk into a Brit's bakery and ask for some muffins, and then once they hand me the stuff I'll just look up at them, confused and irritated.

      "No, I said muffins! You know? Like the english make?!"
      Haha! That could go on for hours!!! (Until the police arrive)
      Side note: Left over fries from McDonalds are good for months~

    3. We'll see if we can troll Vortexica, our British correspondent, with this line of inquiry.

      Leftover fries from Five Guys are edible but kinda icky after a few hours, so I dunno how McDonalds leftover fries would work...!

  7. We just got a Five guys in my town! They are oddly very nearly physically connected to the building next to it, Jared the Galleria of jewelry. It's been remarked upon by many people- if they had a drive through for both places it would be weird.
    (More British vexation: Start talking about how the Patriots are the best football team in the whole world :D)

    1. I wonder if there's shopping synergy between Five Guys and jewelry...


      (That's a sore subject for us!)


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