KoopaTV's Bethesda E3 2016 Conference Live Reactions

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Featuring delays, a screaming sociopath fangirl, and rainbow ribbon pins.

We treated Bethesda pretty poorly last year. It was their first time doing an E3, and we didn't take 'em seriously. Bethesda fanboys and fangirls roundly criticised KoopaTV's coverage, and believe me, they're LOUD.

Now all of those fanboys and fangirls are in the audience for Bethesda's E3 2016 presentation. Will we be able to survive and actually have a good time, or will we say a bunch of Star Fox 64 quotes to try to stay sane? I'm Nintendork 13 13, RawkHawk2010 is RawkHawk2010, and breezinabout is Vortexica.

KoopaTV's Electronic Arts E3 2016 Conference Live Reactions

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Get the historically worst one out of the way.

It is the first live reaction log brought to you by KoopaTV for E3 2016! Wow! It's awesome to be doing this with y'all again, and for the first time ever, we start off with Electronic Arts.

I'm Nintendork 13 13, Rawk is himself, and Vortexica is breezinabout. We have some fun thoughts.

Is Yooka-Laylee's Message Out Of Tune?

By RAWKHAWK2010 - Too much g-string.

First of all, I'm proud of that subtitle.

Second of all, the past month or so has been the bee's tits when it comes to Yooka-Laylee news. Articles...screenshots...and just this week we got our first real trailer -- a broad showing of the game's mechanics for anyone who hasn't been following.

Overall, the game looks good. Good gameplay, good graphics, good music, good dudes, good everything. It looks gooder than Banjo-Kazooie. It looks waaaaay gooder than insipid slog Banjo-Tooie. And you better believe that it looks astronomically gooder than that hunk-of-junk Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts.

Who Is The Master of Disguise? Wario, Or Chrom?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - They're both losers.

Today, the Thursday before E3 Week, Nintendo's Wii U Virtual Console release is... Wario: Master of Disguise, developed by the now-bankrupt Suzak, Inc. The game was originally released in early 2007 on the Nintendo DS, being the second-to-last Wario series platformer, coming out before Wario Land: Shake It!. Wario Land: Shake It! was a fantastic game from Good-Feel on the Wii, but it apparently was the series' death knell.

$9.99! By the way, the asterisk is that you need a Nintendo Network ID to buy it.
Shouldn't the asterisk therefore be next to the Buy digital button, rather than the game's price?

After Wario Land: Shake It, you only see Wario in the title of games in the WarioWare series, and it looks like Wario as a platforming series is deader than Chibi-Robo. Even Masahiro Sakurai thinks of Wario as only a farting microgaming tycoon, with Super Smash Bros. Brawl and Super Smash Bros. For Wii U having pretty much only WarioWare representation. All of the new stuff for that consists of just an Ashley Mii costume and an Ashley Assist Trophy. Which is great for Ashley fans, and hey, I'm one of those.

But while Ashley fools you with her innocent demeanour, Wario tries to fool you with his brand name of supposedly being a purveyor of quality games. He also tries to fool you by being on Team Costume with his seven disguises. ...But, yeah, I said “supposedly” because Wario: Master of Disguise is a terrible game. I've never actually played it, and I don't know anyone who has. ...Well, there IS one person, and this person is how I know it's a bad game.

...But can I really trust this man's opinion? I suppose I must, or this article's tone will be completely unfounded. Fine... Your Honour, my witness...

Voting? User Participation? Elections? RIGGED.

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Stick to monarchy, where we make decisions for you.

Once upon a time, KoopaTV had a poll on the sidebar of the site. That didn't last very long at all and I took the non-participation as y'all hating polls. Now it's sort of replaced with the more-private-to-others-but-not-to-us KoopaTV Feedback Form series!

While I love to cite GameFAQs polls for statistical measures, I strongly believe that anything where you're asking a large body of people to make a decision is inherently rigged. After all, there's a saying that the dudes who counts and records the votes are the ones in power. This goes for everything from Nintendo's Everybody Votes Channel, to Splatfest participation, to the Super Smash Fighter Ballot. There's no independent verification that the reported results are accurate.

And why would there be? The ruling class already has a predetermined result in mind. They're not going to change how the system works and unnecessarily put themselves at risk. Silly.

I have proof that elections and election results are rigged. RIGGED! Just take a look at some of these examples, including one ran by that scumbag Mario.

Euro Splatfest: Travel the World or Go Into Space?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - #TravelTuesday is trending on Twitter so it's timely.

Fortunately for creativity, lag, and community-building, it appears that not every future Splatoon Splatfest is going to be sponsored by some company. It also appears that not every Splatfest is going to be shared across countries. And, better yet, it appears that Europe can have original and somewhat decent Splatfest ideas!

Behold the theme for this weekend in Europe (wait...I hope they're not playing Splatoon during E3?):

Would you rather TRAVEL THE WORLD or GO INTO SPACE?

A word on what Marie said in the above screenshot: A holiday doesn't just refer to a “holy day”, but also travelling.

Anyway, only Europe is having a Splatfest this weekend. So while I am not officially joining a team, I would like to state my support for Team Travel The World. (Team World?) I have a few personal reasons why, and then I'd like to talk about Star Fox.

A Plea From Bernie Sanders: Your Vote in California

The Bernie Sanders campaign has prepared an audio version of this article for the visually impaired.
The Spanish version will be released shortly. In the meantime, mira este video.
See the bottom of the article for the British audio version.

By BERNIE SANDERS - Secretary Clinton must not become the Democratic Party's presidential nominee.

I am writing today because I hope to earn your vote. Tomorrow, June 7th, is a very important day that will decide the most important election in our lifetime. Will our political revolution succeed, or will we have to wait at least four more years? Can America survive another four more years without solving our formidable challenges?

Hello, my name is Bernie Sanders. I believe readers of this website already know who I am. I was endorsed by KoopaTV for the Democratic nomination, and was rated the best in the Democratic debates by KoopaTV's grading scale.

If you live in California, New Jersey, Montana, North Dakota, New Mexico, or South Dakota, I want you to pay special attention to what I have to say. You should check out the map here to see the status of the primary in your state, and what you need to be registered as.

We win when we have high voter turnout. I believe that I have the winning message of the future, while my opponent in this primary election, Secretary Clinton, is a throwback to the past.

We are tired of establishment politics!

I will explain exactly what differentiates me and Secretary Clinton in the course of this article, and why I am the better choice. For a better United States of America and the whole world. And, ultimately, how that benefits you, the hardcore gamer.

E3 Week 2016 Schedule!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - This'll house KoopaTV's E3 week stuff.

In a little over a week from today (see publishing date), E3 week will begin. It's the week of June 12th! Be hyped.

We notoriously have June be the month with the most amount of articles for that year. It's all because of E3, because for that week, we're just glued to our seats watching live streams and live-reacting to them. Each event gets its own article.

These live-reaction logs are some of the best. The awards for Best Reaction Log on KoopaTV each year have gone to an E3 conference, after all. It's a hype, joyous time.

Our banner also changes for the week. We're not ready to reveal what the banner will look like, and we can't won't give any hints. You better stay tuned.

Edit 6/9/2016: Here's our E3 Week 2016 Banner. It references something we're excited about. Looks like our site has been possessed by the Pokémon Rotom!

KoopaTV's E3 Week 2016 Banner!
Made by RawkHawk2010. Concept by Ludwig, though as a joke.

So, here's what the schedule will look like. As is normal in this industry, things can change at the last minute. ...And even during. (No one knows what the heck is going to happen with Nintendo's and in what order, after all.)

Pokémon Sun/Moon: Rotom's Recharged Resurgence

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon news of June 2nd. Features devouring.

As promised, The Pokémon Company has some Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon news for us this Thursday morning, localised world-wide.

Meet Solgaleo and Lunala. They're the cover legendaries. Solgaleo is Psychic/Steel, and Lunala is Psychic/Ghost. (Those type combinations are...unexpected for both. That said, Game Freak knows what they're doing more than you do, so stop condemning them this early.) The Sunne Pokémon and the Moone Pokémon.

Last time I checked, the species names were supposed to be actual words. For example, Xerneas is the Life Pokémon.

Solgaleo apparently “devours the sun” (sounds world-ending) and has “a new Ability that no previous Pokémon has had.” It's “Full Metal Body”, which does the exact same thing as Clear Body. Basically, it's a furry Metagross with a new move, Sunsteel Strike.

Lunala merely “calls the moon” as opposed to eating it like its counterpart, despite the moon being made of an actual food (cheese). Lunala's Moongeist Beam attack disregards enemy Pokémon's abilities (Shedinja destroyer, along with Sturdy) while its own ability is Shadow Shield, also described as “a new Ability that no previous Pokémon has had.” It's just Multiscale.

Anyway, just check out the “Explore the Alola Region in Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon!” video:

...Yeah, there's stuff here that needs more explanation.

KoopaTV's May 2016 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's the fourth May we've had!

Some say June is Alzheimer's Awareness Month. Others say it's a month for LGBT people. We say it's E3 month!

We're very excited this June to bring you awesome E3 coverage, as we usually do every June, but first thing's first: How was May? Well, May was a-may-zing! So many great articles and opportunities for you! The moments we've made together, between the staff and you, the readers, have been unforgettable. (For a while, anyway.)

Top Five Recommended Articles of May 2016

Let's start with those articles. Every one of 'em is worth reading, but here's my top five written in chronological order that you just gotta read if you haven't already: