If Toadsworth IS Dead, Good Riddance to the Anti-Koopa Bigot

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - This is my idea of a Memorial Day article?

When was the last time you thought about Toadsworth? Toadsworth is (or was) Princess Peach's attendant, a very old chap who was first seen flying with Princess Peach (and that awful red-hatted plumber) to Isle Delfino.

Some people out there believe that Toadsworth is “probably dead.” According to Toadsworth, his lifespan decreases every time Princess Peach is kidnapped, so it's quite possible that he actually is dead by now. But I can't confirm that, since I haven't seen his corpse. He really hasn't shown up in any new event in a very long time, though. Not since the Pi'illo Island incident almost a decade ago. I don't miss him. In fact, he probably hates me, though I haven't met him personally. I think he has something against Koopas in general.

Take a look at the following chemistry table excerpt taken from Mario Superstar Baseball. If you're unaware, Mario Superstar Baseball has a chemistry rating of 0 to 100 for each character for every other character. There is some gameplay application; you need 90 or more chemistry to have "good chemistry" (for faster fielding throws if you throw to a buddy, and stronger charged hits when your buddies are standing at the bases) and 15 or lower for "bad chemistry" (if you throw to an enemy, the ball may be mis-thrown; there is no batting consequence). That means chemistry values between 16 and 89 are superfluous, but they exist anyway. chemistry also matters in team formation when determining the number of Team Stars your team begins with, but that only matters in relation to your captain character and how the team members relate to your specific captain; so it's still superfluous for everything else.

The embedded Copy of Chemistry tab excludes Donkey Kong, Diddy Kong, Wario, Waluigi, Monty Mole, Birdo, Pianta, Noki, and Dixie Kong, since they aren't very relevant to Mushroom Kingdom-Koopa Kingdom relations. (Though if you're interested, Toadsworth's chemistry with them are 63, 62, 24, 23, 51, 69, 72, 73, and 61, respectively.) If you want the full table, go here.

Koopa Troopa, Paratroopa, and Yoshi are the three most well-liked characters in the whole game. When looking at Koopa Troopa and Paratroopa, the only characters with a chemistry value of less than 50 are Petey Piranha (who has a bad relationship with nearly the entire cast, resulting in Petey being the most loathed character in Mario Superstar Baseball), Toad, Toadette, and Toadsworth. Of those, Toadsworth makes up the lowest values: 31 for Koopa Troopa and 30 for Paratroopa. That's worse than Baby Luigi and Magikoopa (33), which should be characterised by Baby Luigi associating all Magikoopas with Kamek, who kidnapped Baby Luigi in Yoshi's Island as the entire extent of their relationship.

You could say that chemistry scores are bidirectional (they are, in one number, how Character A thinks about Character B, and how Character B thinks about Character A; so Petey Piranha's 33 chemistry with Shy Guy might be driven less by Shy Guy's opinions of Petey Piranha but more by Petey Piranha's opinions of Shy Guy). However, Koopa Troopa is an extremely easy-going character. That is why he's so well-liked. He even has a chemistry score of 62 with Mario, of all people, a genocidal maniac who has undergone many attempted campaigns to wipe out the Koopa race. ...I'm not really sure why Mario doesn't hate Koopa Troopa as a result, but, whatever. Maybe Mario doesn't hate Koopas... he just finds joy in mass-murdering them, but it's not personal. I won't try to diagnose the implications of that in this article.

The point is that Toadsworth's disgust of Koopa kind is an aberration and something that is really his problem. I've tried looking into Toadsworth's previous statements about Koopas, but he... well, lacks dialogue on that matter. His personality is that he's old, sometimes high-class, and has been tending to Princess Peach since she was born. The closest he's talked about Koopas was this:

This seems... quite aggressive when King Bowser wasn't even on the scene.

Toadsworth equating Master Bowser as the receiving end of any form of vigilante justice (and assuming whomever is involved in proliferating the blorbs must be a male) reminds me of what Luigi once said about Koopas:

KoopaTV is all about truth and levity! Not deception!
If anyone is deceptive, it's those plumbers and Toadsworth!

Even if Luigi is a bigot, even he likes Koopa Troopas and Koopa Paratroopas (62 and 65 chemistry, respectively) far more than Toadsworth does. He even likes King Dad a little bit more (25) than Toadsworth (13). (Note that Mario's chemistry with King Bowser is at 15... so Toadsworth likes the Lord of the Koopa Clan even less than our real nemesis, Mario?)

Maybe Toadsworth feels a certain way because he's old? But it's not like it's because he fought in an old war or anything with the Koopas and is still traumatised and stressed out by it. No such war took place. We know this from all of the glimpses we've had into Toadsworth's past (and general history), including Toadsworth the Younger from Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time, and the lack of any mention of this. This is unlike some other bigoted old guys.

Marina is so articulate, eh? Y'know, that reminds me of something else an old man once said:

By the way, I brought up Magikoopa / Kamek earlier. Toadsworth likes Magikoopa than he dislikes Koopa Troopa and Paratroopa, at 25 chemistry. I believe this is because he sees Kamek as his Koopa counterpart; where Toadsworth took care of Baby Peach, Kamek took care of Baby Bowser. Except Kamek did a much better job, so Toadsworth is very envious. His dislike for Magikoopa takes him out of very adjacent numbers of his peer group of Toad and Toadette. Oddly enough, he likes Dry Bones (38 chemistry) the most of any Koopa besides Bowser Jr. Maybe he feels sympathy for Dry Bones, since Toadsworth is also nearing his own death and likely also has poor bone health. But it's still very negative.

As for Bowser Jr. (52 chemistry), that relationship fits Toadsworth's preference for babies overall; he likes Baby Mario and Baby Luigi a whopping 11–12 points than he likes Mario and Luigi (a lot more notable than the 2–5 points that Toadette and Toad prefer the Babies). Perhaps he has fond memories of Baby Peach. Maybe he's a child predator. We don't know.

It's also notable that all of Toad, Toadsworth, and Toadette have favourable views towards Paragoomba and Goomba (58–66 chemistry) in Mario Superstar Baseball, but the three Toads and two Goombas all actually have bad chemistry towards their opposing species in Mario Super Sluggers. (Mario Super Sluggers does not appear to have deep chemistry tables like Mario Superstar Baseball—only good, neutral, and bad.) Toadsworth also specifically hates Paratroopa for some reason—he is Paratroopa's only bad chemistry pairing, while Koopa Troopa, Monty Mole, and Wiggler are the only non-Mii characters with zero bad chemistry partners.

Toadsworth had a prime opportunity to show up in the likes of The Super Mario Bros. Movie, but instead unnamed Toads are advising the Princess. (And she seems to have outgrown the need for the type of advisors that provide her anxiety rather than advice given her... newfound girlbossiness.) Perhaps he's not dead but just retired! Either way, I don't miss not seeing him ever again.


Is this far too harsh a tone for a Memorial Day article? What sort of impression has Toadsworth left upon you? Are there are other interesting things you've noticed with the Mario Superstar Baseball chemistry tables that you'd like to point out? Let KoopaTV know in the comments section! Ludwig isn't an anti-racist, but he is against being racist against Koopas, specifically.