The Splatoon 2 Demo Splatfest: CAKE vs. ICE CREAM

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It may not be a REAL Splatfest (yet), but is it scrumptious?

Something KoopaTV learned very quickly in the past two weeks: The Internet will eat up anything Splatoon. So, the Splatoon 2 Nintendo Direct exploded in views, and KoopaTV's screenshots from that reaction log were seen all over the Internet, even used in meme pictures. (Without credit, of course.)

And so, I've gotten many requests from you folks to resume KoopaTV's thorough Splatoon Splatfest coverage, the last of which was the Callie vs. Marie Splatfest that set the stage for Splatoon's storyline. With what? The end of that Direct mentioned a Cake vs. Ice Cream Splatfest, playable in a special free demo downloadable from the Nintendo eShop TOMORROW. The demo, by the way, is effectively another Splatoon 2 Global Testfire. I told you guys there would be more.

Team Cake vs. Team Ice Cream will be tomorrow, July 15, from 6 PM Eastern to 10 PM Eastern. Only four hours!

Since I mentioned story, know that the Cake vs. Ice Cream Splatfest, at least for this demo, is NOT canon. The Squid Research Lab states that nothing will carry over to the actual full game of Splatoon 2, and Super Sea Snails won't even be distributed. Therefore, it is not a real Splatfest, and will have no impact on the story.

Still, y'all want my opinion on these things. I'm pretty sure we'll be seeing the Cake vs. Ice Cream debate later on in Splatoon 2's life, but if y'all want it NOW, then I am happy to say I am firmly on Team Ice Cream. Here's why.

A New Perspective on Pikmin: Hey! Pikmin! Demo?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Arzest still sucks at game development.

It's Thursday. You know what that means? It's Nintendo eShop day! Today brings us a demo of Hey! Pikmin, a rather dreadful and Jeb!-esque title formerly referred to as “Pikmin 3DS (Working Title)”. It's that dumb Pikmin platforming game on the 3DS, developed by the reliably-mediocre developer, Arzest. (Best-known for running the Yoshi's Island series into the ground.)

At the end of 2016, I wrote an article asking people what happened to that Pikmin 3DS game, since everyone forgot about it. Since then, Nintendo themselves totally forgot about the 2D platformer by not even mentioning it at E3 2017.

At last, today brings a demo AND a SpotPass-generated push notification from Nintendo, referring to the game as “a new perspective” and “his first 2D platformer.” Will there be more? Would we want more? I guess I owe the game to answer that, since I did say not to forget about it.

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Rand Paul

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - If it was up to me, Rand Paul would be the president of the United States right now.

There are some very hot topics today: The Electronic Frontier Foundation is holding an Internet-wide campaign with technology sites to try to keep Net Neutrality. Former president Satoru Iwata died two years ago. Instead of tackling these tough topics, I'll instead write something I've been waiting for for many months: Rand Paul's strategy guide article for The Wonderful 1237! (Though, I will say that Rand Paul is cosponsoring the Restoring Internet Freedom Act that is terrifying the scaremongers in the tech community, and good for him.) Don't know what The Wonderful 1237 is? It's KoopaTV's amazing browser-based Flash game that features the 17 Republican presidential hopefuls from 2015 to 2016... and you! It's a great satirical simulation of the process.

Each Republican presidential hopeful, once they drop out of the race, will allow you to try to win over their endorsements and accumulated delegates with a minigame. More about those minigames in this article. This time, it's Rand Paul's turn, as I've been writing strategy guides on each of these minigames for months now.

Rand Paul is known for being THE leading voice for liberty in the United States Senate. I personally endorsed him when he announced his candidacy. In terms of The Wonderful 1237, Rand Paul has one of the highest end-game statistics, with great growths across the board. He also has the highest sum of base stats (at 8), and is the only candidate with 5 or higher base stats in something. As a result, Rand Paul has the highest average single statistic out of anyone in the game (his 47 in Smart). Rand Paul totally deserves his Smart power, since the guy is correct on almost every issue, and even had his own Rand Direct. It should be no surprise that he's incredibly formidable in The Wonderful 1237!

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:

Beauty: 1 + (0–4)

Cool: 1 + (0–4)

Cute: 0 + (0–4)

Smart: 5 + (1–5)

Tough: 1 + (0–3)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:

Beauty: 29

Cool: 29

Cute: 28

Smart: 47

Tough: 22

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:

Quite likely. (Template McTemplate will have 14 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)

“VERSUS... RRRRRRAND PAUL! Fight!

Nintendo Switch Amazon Prices, and Prime Day 2017!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Check back daily for another set of prices.

Well then. Yesterday's article had quite the sequel hook: Today I would reveal how I got a Nintendo Switch! Well, I purchased it from Amazon, an all-around great company. KoopaTV gives away Amazon gift card codes twice every year for the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program (and other prizes for the other months of the year, so be engaged all the time!), since you can get pretty much everything off Amazon.

But if you look today at the Amazon-instituted holiday, Prime Day, you won't find Nintendo Switch deals. In fact, you won't really find any in stock. The Nintendo Switch continues to be very elusive unless you are one of the lucky people who happen to look as Amazon gets a few more Nintendo Switch units in stock. I happened to be one of those lucky ones.

Here's the kind of Nintendo deal you can get off of Prime Day today:

PRIME DAY DEAL: Save three cents on a New Nintendo 3DS XL, Galaxy style!
(It's somehow a best seller.)

You can get a lot of gaming headsets for a lot of money off, if you're into those.

You can also get a lot of savings on some competitor console manufacturer products... or wait for Black Friday and/or Cyber Monday. That's in only four months, anyway, and there will be new products out by then anyway.

So. Nintendo Switch. Here you go. I made this and will maintain it... indefinitely:

Ludwig Got a Nintendo Switch! Impressions Inside?!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...KoopaTV is saved! We can be a real Nintendo site now!

It only took four months, but I am now an owner of the Nintendo Switch. To be exact, the grey one, not this neon stuff. More on how I acquired it tomorrow. What's important now are my first impressions.

I got it on Saturday and didn't open it until Saturday night. Rawk and Kamek wanted me to do some lame unboxing video, which a Google representative once told me are the videos that get the most views on YouTube. I think it's weak content, so I'm not going to do it. I took pictures, though:

Closed box...

The Nintendo Switch and the Joy-Con feel very delicate. I don't know how they expect us to treat it like a portable system. You can't fit it in your pocket or anything. If you put it in your bag it'll probably snap apart somehow. That said, I have no problems snapping the Joy-Con to the Switch.

CNN is MIFFED at a Donald Trump GIF!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - How MIFFED will CNN get from a KoopaTV GIF? (Plus, KoopaTV PNGs!)

This week, something horrible happened that I simply cannot let pass without writing an article about it. It's the angriest I've gotten all month, even angrier than the indignation I had about no one at E3 giving a damn about the United Kingdom. Like, I'm legitimately pissed off, and not just satirically so. This week, CNN, a FAKE NEWS master, attacked and blackmailed an unsuspecting President Donald John Trump fan and is close to ruining his life. As unsuspecting President Donald John Trump fans ourselves, we take this threat to truth, levity, and free speech very seriously.

Let's start by going to the origin of what we're talking about: This week, President Donald John Trump posted his most retweeted tweet of all time, even more than the one he tweeted after the miracle happened: 

#FraudNewsCNN #FNN pic.twitter.com/WYUnHjjUjg

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 2, 2017

In this tweet, President Donald John Trump is bodyslamming a guy with a CNN logo for a head. This is based off of President Donald John Trump's actual wrestling experiences, as “actual” a wrestling experience can be. See, that's the whole joke. CNN is FAKE NEWS, and wrestling is a fake sport, and the actual body slam depicted is fake.

Like so many of KoopaTV's enemies, CNN doesn't understand humour. But in this article, my goal is to convince you that CNN is not just OUR enemy, but also YOUR enemy. So, how did CNN react?

KoopaTV's Live Reaction to the Splatoon 2 Direct!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Sure, it starts off with not much new information, BUT AS YOU KEEP WATCHING...!

Fresh off E3 2017, we have some premium Nintendo Direct content! This one is a Direct focused exclusively on Splatoon 2, as opposed to a Direct that was supposed to be exclusive to one game but then featured Splatoon 2 at the end anyway. (Silly ARMS.)

I guess the article title is a misnomer, since I'm the only staffer who watched this, instead of the whole KoopaTV. That's why I put “live reaction” as singular! Well, I'm the MOST-QUALIFIED to be handling this log, anyway, as the site's Splatoon expert.

Can't wait to be doing Splatfest articles again. And, yes, Splatfest information is in this Direct. If you missed it, watch it here:

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Rick Perry

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Reminder that this game was made before President Donald John Trump made his Cabinet.

It's time for a particularly USEFUL strategy guide, brought to you by KoopaTV's amazing browser-based Flash game, The Wonderful 1237! The Wonderful 1237 features seventeen unique minigames that test different skills (the skill for this article is particularly important), all from each of the seventeen Republican presidential candidates you will be competing with.

As explained in the Wonderful Wednesday article about those minigames, I'll be writing these strategy guides — one for each candidate, in a specific order. This one is about the guy who was the longest serving governor in Texas history: Rick Perry. Rick Perry ran for president twice: In 2011, and then in 2015. He... failed miserably both times, but he's always have a folksy, very evangelical way about him that many people love or hate, depending on your politics. In terms of his stats, he's similar to another Texan, Ted Cruz, but he traded Cruz's smarts for cuteness and beauty. At the very least, that means he can go pretty far in The Wonderful 1237!

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:

Beauty: 0 + (0–4)

Cool: 0 + (1–4)

Cute: 0 + (0–4)

Smart: 0 + (0–2)

Tough: 1 + (0–5)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:

Beauty: 28

Cool: 35

Cute: 28

Smart: 14

Tough: 36

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:

Fairly likely. (Rick Perry will have 13 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)

“VERSUS Rick Perry. Fight!”

Where was the UK Terrorism Victims Tribute at E3 2017?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Pray for London and Manchester!

Last year, right before E3 2016 started, Islamic terrorist Omar Mateen shot up and killed dozens of people at the Pulse gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida. Every E3 conference (besides the one from Electronic Arts) had some kind of Orlando tribute, and almost everyone involved at E3 had rainbow pins on their jackets/shirts.

Fast forward to E3 2017. This year, right before the Electronic Entertainment Expo occurred, Islamic terrorists did a one-two punch on the great country of the United Kingdom, specifically Great Britain: The bombing of the Manchester Arena in Manchester at the end of May, and then the London Bridge terror attack in June. Many people died, and many more people got injured. The terrorist attacks forced KoopaTV's British correspondent, Vortexica, to retreat in a basement away from civilisation during the E3 2017 events. They were quite spooky. Vortexica was even missing and we all thought he might've died.

However... not a single E3 conference this year had a tribute or even a passing reference to the Manchester or London attacks. No UK Union Jack pins on a single person. Why?

KoopaTV's June 2017 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - A new record!

I don't know about you, but June (and E3 Weeks 2017) went by really quickly, particularly after all of the live reaction logs ended. We had a RECORD-BREAKING number of articles published in a calendar month, at 44 articles in June 2017. 27 of which were live-reaction logs (26 from E3 2017).

I think it was an incredible month, if I do say so myself. Plus, we're still not done with E3-related article content. So, let's go into the top five recommended articles:

Top Five Recommended Articles

Let's discount all of the reaction logs for these top five recommended articles, even though we had some amazing reaction logs. (They'll get their day in KoopaTV's Game of THAT Year award nominations.) There's still a lot of quality content to choose from:

1. Fidget Spinners Are An Epidemic
2. The Decapitated Mario Press Conference
3. Watchin' E3 In Our Beautiful Chairs
4. E3 2017 Best and Worst Conferences
5. Reminder: Mario and Cappy CAPTURED Shinzō Abe!

Every article is worth reading, by the way. Believe me. With that out of the way, we also had great reader/player participation over the past two months: