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Wednesday, July 5, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Rick Perry

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Reminder that this game was made before President Donald John Trump made his Cabinet.

It's time for a particularly USEFUL strategy guide, brought to you by KoopaTV's amazing browser-based Flash game, The Wonderful 1237! The Wonderful 1237 features seventeen unique minigames that test different skills (the skill for this article is particularly important), all from each of the seventeen Republican presidential candidates you will be competing with.

As explained in the Wonderful Wednesday article about those minigames, I'll be writing these strategy guides — one for each candidate, in a specific order. This one is about the guy who was the longest serving governor in Texas history: Rick Perry. Rick Perry ran for president twice: In 2011, and then in 2015. He... failed miserably both times, but he's always have a folksy, very evangelical way about him that many people love or hate, depending on your politics. In terms of his stats, he's similar to another Texan, Ted Cruz, but he traded Cruz's smarts for cuteness and beauty. At the very least, that means he can go pretty far in The Wonderful 1237!

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 0 + (0–4)
Cool: 0 + (1–4)
Cute: 0 + (0–4)
Smart: 0 + (0–2)
Tough: 1 + (0–5)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 28
Cool: 35
Cute: 28
Smart: 14
Tough: 36

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Fairly likely. (Rick Perry will have 13 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 Rick Perry versus endorsement minigame fight
“VERSUS Rick Perry. Fight!”


Basic Information

Department Elimination Memory.
Remember the three departments Rick Perry wishes to eliminate.
Approximate Time to Play:
Maybe... 20 to 40 seconds?
Click on the departments, press spacebar to display more.


Detailed Description:
Rick Perry will say the three departments he wishes to eliminate via text, which will be displayed for five seconds. Then, in four batches of four, departments within cloud bubbles will appear. If one of the departments appears in the batch, click on it. Press space to get a new batch. The game ends when three clouds are clicked on.
If you correctly identified 3 out of 3 departments to be eliminated., you'll get 100%. 2 out of 3 earns you 50%, and a 1 out of 3 only earns you 33.33%.
Optimal Tactics:
First of all, since you are not scored on time, the cheesiest thing you can do to win is to just screenshot Rick Perry's text before it goes away.
The Wonderful 1237 Rick Perry eliminate the Department of Education Commerce Energy thought bubble
...Yes, you could do this. Sure, this is cheating, but...
It's not really important to note this in terms of being optimal, but the clouds for Departments are purple, for other agencies it's olive, and for the Federal Reserve it's maroon and big and scary.
The Wonderful 1237 Versus Rick Perry endorsement minigame department elimination Consumer Financial Protections Bureau Federal Reserve System Department of Labor Transportation
If this helps you at all, then here you go.
Otherwise, how do I teach you how to remember things? Maybe instead of remembering long strings like “Department of Energy”, you can just remember “Energy”, or instead of “Consumer Financial Protections Bureau” just “Consumer”. That way, you're cutting down on what you have to remember, while still being able to remember it. You can just get the keywords from the government agency names and repeat the three you need to remember.
There are sixteen governmental departments and agencies that Rick Perry may eliminate. Since he will choose three, that means there are 560 possible variants. The order each department is provided for your answers is chosen randomly.
They are, as follows:
  1. Department of the Interior
  2. Department of Agriculture
  3. Department of Commerce
  4. Department of Labor
  5. Department of Housing and Urban Development
  6. Department of Transportation
  7. Department of Energy
  8. Department of Education
  9. Environmental Protection Agency
  10. National Aeronautics and Science Administration
  11. National Labor Relations Board
  12. National Science Foundation
  13. United States Postal Service
  14. Consumer Financial Protections Bureau
  15. Federal Election Commission
  16. Federal Reserve System

Other Trivia

Skill(s) Tested:
Text-based phrase memory recall.
This game was inspired by Rick Perry's infamous OOPS moment back in the 2011–2012 Republican presidential primaries. Rick Perry had come up with a plan to eliminate the Departments of Commerce, Education, and Energy, and as he was trying to outline his plan in a debate, he completely forgot the third department he wished to eliminate, being energy. This failure contributed to Rick Perry's demise back then, and likely continued to haunt him in the more recent set of primaries.

Amusingly, after Donald Trump was elected president, he nominated Rick Perry to his Cabinet at the Department of Energy, the very department he wished to eliminate (but forgot about) years ago. He has since claimed that he never really understood what the Department of Energy actually does, which makes one wonder how serious his candidacy was years ago, or what President Donald John Trump is thinking now.

Play The Minigame Here!

The Republican circus continues, and will keep going for weeks to come! If there is any more information you'd like to know about Rick Perry in The Wonderful 1237, Ludwig would be happy to share it. Be sure to play the entire game!

Rick Perry is not to be confused for the other Rick, Rick Santorum.
For The Wonderful 1237's other memory-based game (but spoken instructions rather than text, which is a substantial difference), see Chris Christie's strategy guide here.
Play Rand Paul's action-oriented game here!


  1. Forgot these strategy guides were still a thing. I was getting excited for the article that you would be using those Dual Destinies screenshots for.

    1. You FORGOT, huh? Well, this article/minigame is all about memory, so it might come in handy.

      Also, that article is for Friday, and it may or may not even happen. (Well, the article will, but the screenshots may or may not be used.)


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